Discussion Will your suicide come as a complete shock?

[freycinetia]

I imagine successful CTB is typically very shocking, but do you think people in your life wouldn't have seen it coming at all?

For me specifically I've made an effort not to disclose my pervasive mental health struggles with my family and acquaintances. As far as most people in my life know I'm just a huge introvert, so I think it'll probably look like it came almost out of nowhere.

What about you?

 

[grungy自殺]

Probably..

Most likely yeah. I mean if anyone in my life that has seen me as happy as it is on my socials, then likely... maybe...

I sound unsure as i don't want to think about the aftereffects whatever and whoever would know as it would it deter me from doing so... And i just want to achieve peace without interference

 

[girl_with_a_plan]

It will come as a shock, but those people who will be 'shocked' both a) knew my history of being abused, trauma and depression, and b) golly gee whiz, didn't realize I needed help and were 'shocked' because I was so 'joyful'.

I am about to be homeless, have no work, and have had multiple health problems the past 3 years, including an organ that requires surgery. You know how many people message me? I get a family member messaging once every 3 months because they travel. All the others are very clearly not interested. I stopped messaging a friend I have known for 15 years and he didn't contact me for 6 months. I plan to block him and pretend I never met him.

I hope when I'm gone they cry. They had their chance to even send a message to just check in and they didn't. So their alligator tears mean nothing, because they mean nothing. I LOVE the idea of packing everything up, relocating, changing my name, not responding to anyone's messages IF they contacted, and it's like I'm a ghost to them. Who knows - maybe I could end up having an incredible life despite them.

 

[Meru]

I think no! I feel like if anything people are counting down the days with me and when it happens my family and peers will probably be like "she finally did it"

 

[idontwantthisplease]

They just gaf and worry about the expensive burial afterwards

 

[cantthinkofusername]

no, ive tried to kill myself and been hospitalized multiple times. it will not be unexpected.

 

[Preh1storic_Rib]

I don't think it would be very shocking. Suicide has always been a touchy subject around me with my family so I imagine they have an inkling. Maybe the timing will catch them off guard though.

 

[HaibaneRenmei]

At first, yeah I think so. Just a normal reaction to any life changing news. Afterwards they'll just move on and start bickering about funeral costs.

Edit: Not my mom. Confirmed.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Minor shock. I talk about death a lot, have a long and chronic mental health history and get very low at times.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Very much.
I never told about suicide in real life so it will be shocking but quickly everyone will forgot it again...

 

[bakenohana]

it'd come as a shock to people i don't really know, like really distant relatives but not to immediate family or online friends, I've always made it explicitly clear. infact i think just yesterday i mentioned that i intend to kill myself at some point and to not be surprised when i do so to my parents. they didn't really take it well obviously but I know they're still acknowledging it somewhere deep down

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I think it would definitely be a complete shock to the people in my life that know me in person. But for my online friends I don't think it would be surprising at all. I've completed given up talking to anyone irl about my problems since they unfortunately jusy aren't capable of understanding.

 

[TheEndof]

Yes to most people in my life/those I interact with consistently. I think I seem fine. Maybe a little withdrawn at times, but not suicidal.

 

[nightmare-receiver]

Honestly I don't think it'll be a shock to anyone. I've tried for years. I live in a very small town, so everyone kind of knows the shitty things that have happened to me. I hope my death makes some kind of change with the way my area treats the predators who have hurt me, but I doubt it will. I have friends who have told me they'd understand if I do it, so even though most might be upset, nobody will be shocked.

 

[0000000]

That's a good question. I think it won't be. Even if it was I'm sure it would be inconsequential to the final result. My family will most likely not grieve at all for me. I have been a burden on them my whole life. I'm leaving instructions in my note that my savings account should be used to afford cremation / burial. Ultimately i believe my body / ashes , what have you, will be property of the state, I don't suspect any of my family would want my remains.

I am lucky in some regard to not have family who care about me, definitely relieves a lot of guilt from CTB…

 

[DTWAFavor]

I think if anything my parents would be disappointed in me and would find some conclusion on why i did it based on me being "attention seeking" or some religious reason like a demon possessing me. Maybe they'll do a little cheer "that demon is finally gone :D!"
Other family members and my irls would be shocked, though one friend called me too whimpy to actually do it. Im pretty sure that friend wants me to do it, i dont blame him

 

[micheal7271]

Not really, I think my family and my close friend will fee sad but that's about it I'd told my mom and my friends about suicidal ideation they will not be that shocked

 

[idontwantthisplease]

They just gaf and worry about the expensive burial afterwards

It's actually "They don't gaf"
Stupid autocorrect

 

[MyaMia]

I think maybe yes... I've never talked to anyone about my mental health but I used to visibly self harm when I was younger so they must suspect that it never got better, judt better hidden.

 

[kompyany]

People around me know that I've been suffering from bipolar disorder for many years and that my condition has been recurring over the years. However, I think if I commit CTB, they will surely be extremely shocked. In fact, my parents will definitely be heart - broken. They have supported my treatment for so many years and they sincerely hope that I can recover and live a good life. But... I'm really exhausted. I admit that I'm rather selfish. I don't want to think too much because it will make me hesitant and guilt - ridden, thus delaying my CTB plan.
I have a 7 - year - old sister. I believe they won't be immersed in the grief of losing me for a lifetime. Instead, they will focus more on her.
For my mother, having lost her own mother to suicide at a young age and then having to lose her eldest daughter in middle age, it must be a great trauma.
But I really have to go. My entire adolescence (along with my studies, personality, and future) has been completely ruined by bipolar disorder. I don't want to live in such a disgraceful way, and I don't want to continue with the treatment. I'm fed up with taking so many pills every day.
I know they are responsible family members, and I also know that my departure will be a blow to my young sister (but I'll leave one day anyway. The older I get, the more shared memories we'll have, and it will be even more heartbreaking later).
As for others, such as friends, online acquaintances, and people who know me, to be honest, I'm seen as someone who is actively undergoing treatment and is quite friendly in their eyes. They may be sad, but it probably won't last long.
Well, as long as I'm dead. They can deal with the remaining grief on their own.
Sorry, I'm really too scared to keep living.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i've got at least one friend who knows i am suicidal, and one more who i never told him but i think he suspects it anyway. so at least two wouldnt be.

 

[enne]

I think they kinda already knew I've been gone for a long time.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

everyone knows about my suicidality, sibling, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents even... TwT

so no, it wont be very surprising at all, i wish i could rewind back to my first attempt and just actually succeed QwQ

 

[Dawnfang]

For some, it will; for some, it won't. My closest friends know how much I'm struggling; I just really hope they don't feel guilty. One of my friends ctb a few years back, and I remember feeling like I could have done more for him.

I guess no one will be totally shocked. I've been known to struggle with mental health and stuff my whole life.

 

[softtodie]

I think it would be a shock to my family they know I struggle but don't know the extent of it I'm quite private with my emotions with them. My friends not so much, I think some of them probably expect it at this point.

 

[notthatclever]

They just gaf and worry about the expensive burial afterwards

lol.. I feel you..

 

[ScrotusMaximus]

It wouldn't at all. Everyone in my family knows and they always brush me off when I ask for help. So in short, I swear no one cares.

 

[andysoongone]

I told my mom several Times that I dont want to live anymore and gonna end it soon , but I Think she thinks i just say it and wont do it , I guess it will be shocking , for my Family maybe for my co workers , maybe They dont give a fk Not Sure

 

[notthatclever]

I don't know.. yes and no.. suicide is always a shock even if you half way expect..

There is always some element of surprise..

And no because they know how bad they hurt me over the years.. they had to know on some level if they didn't go away and back off that eventually I'd not be able to take it anymore.. because I can't..

I've tried cease and desists, restraining orders, everything..

Countless police reports.. nothing makes them go away..

They just aren't getting it I want them out of my life forever no other options..


There is nothing they can say or do.. this is my last move and if things don't get it together this time I'm ending it.. I'm done,.


And they're all written to high hell out of my will..

Nobody gets anything..

They're not allowed to have a funeral or anything..

They're all completely written out of my life legally in every way..

Nobody gets anything and I'm having my lawyers ban anybody that tries to use my writing or the rest..

Can't make anything about my life after.. nothing..

Nobody gets anything..

I think the bigger shock is how badly they'll be fully taken out of my life after death..

They won't get to have a funeral or anything..

They were awful to me in life.. so why care about my death.. fuck off..


For real nobody gets anything.. and half of my suicide would be to screw them out of any insurance..

But I already wrote in my will there are no active permissible life insurance policies and anything taken out after my death is to be investigated immediately as insurance fraud..

Even told that to the detective in my rape case with the local SVU unit..

I get harassed so badly at times.. I told her if something does happen to me.. I have no allowed life insurance policies and look into it..

I refuse to keep it out of pure spite..

I mean I fucked them from beyond the grave.. bad..

And suicide renders insurance null and void..

So if you do have loved ones that you want taken care of after.. something to consider..

If you ctb.. your life insurance policy won't pay out..

Im giving it all one last shot., not for god or any of the rest of the stupid bullshit.. just to see if I can even be halfway normal.. not even trying to be happy..

Happiness is out the window.. everybody can forget about that..

I don't know how my family feels anymore and don't care..

I refuse to let many people into my personal life anymore.. not a fan..

I've given up on my law career except for personal matters.. I don't care about any of it anymore..

They made it clear that years of working my ass off was all just a big joke like they did my marriage and my kid..

So it's clear there is no point in caring about anything so why bother myself..

I don't care if they're shocked or not.. fuck then..

They get nothing in the end anyways.

 

[abstractcat7]

Yes, it'll be a massive shock. How many will be shocked AND care in some way? Not many if any. I have no one close to me anymore, no friends, no family. I have a very small number of people I still have some connection with, they're old friends of the family (whenever that was still a thing) and I guess they pity me or something. They've given me a hand here or there, but I don't think they have any interest in getting closer or being friends with me. They're toxically positive religious types. (So there are many things I have to keep private about myself.) The type to tell me they know my mind better than me and insult me at the same time by saying, "You have it in you, I know you do, you can do this for yourself, you just have to actually try, you have to try harder, you have to want to succeed."

Thanks. I didn't realize my uphill struggle of a life where I did nothing but try, wear myself down, and experience nothing but diminishing returns in a cycle I couldn't escape was just because I was choosing to suffer! I didn't realize that I shouldn't be reaching out for help because I'm at my limits, I should just try harder and not be so lazy! Also, "Have you tried praying?" "Did you know that I have a story about knowing someone with problems and a massive support network that was able to get their life back on track? That means you have no excuse!"

I don't think they can possibly fathom CTB in their narrow worldviews. I'm sure they will feel bad, but they have a distinct lack of empathy and I'm not sure how much they will genuinely care. This might be overly awful from me, but a small part of me wonders if there would be a sense of relief knowing they don't have to pity me anymore.


This is why my answer to another thread recently asking "How do you want to be remembered/perceived after you die?" was that I don't want to be remembered or perceived at all. I want every person I've ever met irl and 99% of the people I've met online to forget me, everything I was, everything I did, made, said, and wanted. Vanish me from their minds. I don't need to be remembered. The world didn't love or care about me, and I didn't do anything particularly good for it. I've been a bigger waste than I have been a contribution, so much shame.

I'm pretty sure there are people in my past that I did nothing to, that I didn't wrong in any way, that hated me so much that they would make jokes and laugh if they ever heard about my death at any point. I don't even think I'm exaggerating, and that's what really upsets me.