Freaknik
Member
- Nov 12, 2023
- 20
After years of fighting, I have decided to give up and am on course to CTB within the next month or two. I quit my job and am currently getting things in order while enjoying my last bits of time here.
I'm fairly set on using fentanyl as my way out, but am unsure on how to obtain it. There are some cities not too far from where I live, so I assume I can ask around. I want my way out to be peaceful; I want to sit back, relax and maybe ponder a few things before I leave this world. I'm thinking of doing this just as the sun comes up.
Before I quit my job, I messaged a coworker whom I was close with, and notified her that I was leaving. We have talked in-depth about suicide before, so I told her I'm planning on giving up. She didn't know how to feel, but I could tell she was angry; she felt that I was ditching her.
I've finished my note and have my "last will and testament" almost done. The latter details my arrangements for my funeral, my possessions, money, etc. I plan to be buried in front of a row of pine trees in a local cemetery. I am also writing individual, personal notes for the people in my life that deserve it the most. I'll put these notes in an envelope with the receivers name on it. I will group all of these documents together and put it on a table or somewhere to be found alongside my body.
Part of me is very curious regarding the aftermath of my passing. I think about how people may react to my choice, what the people who got those individual notes will think, who will come to the calling hours and funeral, etc. But, I don't have to worry about that. I don't think there is an afterlife and I believe consciousness is purely tied to our brain, so I'll be in an eternal slumber.
I'm fairly set on using fentanyl as my way out, but am unsure on how to obtain it. There are some cities not too far from where I live, so I assume I can ask around. I want my way out to be peaceful; I want to sit back, relax and maybe ponder a few things before I leave this world. I'm thinking of doing this just as the sun comes up.
Before I quit my job, I messaged a coworker whom I was close with, and notified her that I was leaving. We have talked in-depth about suicide before, so I told her I'm planning on giving up. She didn't know how to feel, but I could tell she was angry; she felt that I was ditching her.
I've finished my note and have my "last will and testament" almost done. The latter details my arrangements for my funeral, my possessions, money, etc. I plan to be buried in front of a row of pine trees in a local cemetery. I am also writing individual, personal notes for the people in my life that deserve it the most. I'll put these notes in an envelope with the receivers name on it. I will group all of these documents together and put it on a table or somewhere to be found alongside my body.
Part of me is very curious regarding the aftermath of my passing. I think about how people may react to my choice, what the people who got those individual notes will think, who will come to the calling hours and funeral, etc. But, I don't have to worry about that. I don't think there is an afterlife and I believe consciousness is purely tied to our brain, so I'll be in an eternal slumber.
