HOLY CRAP i'm still alive....... I CANCELLED CTB....... but just barely..... i dodged a bullet........... and now here is my hours of yap about it.........
i woke up on monday with less than 24 hours left before the sheriff was going to come and physically evict me.. i was already pretty scared through the weekend but on monday i woke up REALLY terrified..... i was super panicking...... I was reaching suvival instinct levels that shouldn't even be possible.. every fiber of my entire being wanted to cancel CTB and the eviction any way possible..
at this point i didn't even know if it was possible to cancel the eviction from happening.. grok told me that since the court already approved the landlord company to be able to evict me that it was completely up to the landlord/management company to decide if they would cancel the eviction but said they usually want the entire rent and fees and every thing paid off..
so i started coming up with a story to tell the management guy.. it took me like 45 minutes to get the dates right and every thing but i ended up coming up with a story that says my aunt usually pays it but she took a 2-month trip to thailand to visit family because her husband is a thai guy and she thought she turned on auto-pay before she left but the website didn't actually enable it, so we didn't know rent wasn't being paid.... and then i came up with an additional fake story that i was on vacation my self visiting my dad in minnesota for 3 weeks and so that's why i didn't show up in court because i didn't even see the court notice and by the time i was back from vacation i had already missed my court date..
all of that story is false.. i can't just tell them "oh yeah i was actually going to CTB and so i stopped paying rent on purpose but now i decided i don't want to CTB any more".... so with the story i came up with it made it seem like nothing was really my fault and a few unlucky things happened in a row.. I was scared i wouldn't be able to keep the details of the story straight when i called him, but i had to try calling any way, but then he didn't answer, and so i tried texting him; he responded.. and that made it easier to keep my story straight because i'm just typing it instead of having to talk and think in real-time..
and just like grok said, the manager said he will cancel the eviction IF i pay the entire amount that is owned, which includes previous month's rent, this month's rent, the late fees, and a $200 fee for them having to go to court to get approval to evict me.. The total was a little over $900..... that's a lot of money for a complete hobo like my self, and plus i had blown all my money on food and stuff because i figured i wasn't going to be here soon so i might as well use all of my money..
i immediately called my rich uncle.. he is always super busy running his security company he owns.. i told him i did some thing extremely stupid and that this is an emergency and i need to come to his office right now and talk with him and i told him i'm going to be evicted tomorrow morning if i don't pay $900 today.. he said he is busy negotiating some deal at some kind of truck lot but that he will tell me when he is back at the office.. So i waited like 2 hours i think and then he finally texted me back and said he is at the office.. so i put it in plaid and drove quickly (but still safe; i wouldn't want to die on the way there) to his office..
i told him my plight and he yapped at me for like an hour about how i have more potential than this and i could really be doing bigger things with my life to make more money even despite my disabilities i have.. and he's right.. and he also said i should take some walks on the park trails around here because it's just nice to have some sunshine and be outdoors for a little bit instead of cooped up in a box all day, and he's probably right about that too..
so then we drove in his vehicle to his bank and he got $1000 out and gave it to me, and then i drove my vehicle to my credit union, deposited it all, and immediately went back to my house and paid the whole rent due and messaged the manager guy that it was all paid so please cancel the eviction.. and he said okay he has cancelled it now.. he said if the sheriff still shows up to tell him to call the manager so he can tell the sheriff every thing is good now..
i started crying right after that..... every thing that quickly happened that day just hit me all at once..... i had woken up that morning thinking i was going to have to CTB, and i was SO TERRIFIED and panicked, and i had no idea if every thing would even work out.... not knowing if eviction was even cancellable, not knowing if the manager would believe my story, not knowing if my uncle would be available, not knowing if he would actually help me, not knowing if i would be able to pay it in time..... there were so many unknowns, and they all had to work out and my life was literally on the line.. a literal life and death situation.. i dodged a bullet..
i can't believe how strong my SI (survival instinct) is.. i didn't expect it to be any where NEAR that strong.. it's a good method too (H2S).. all i had to do was mix one thing with an other and then bam i'm CTB instantly.. it showed me how terrified i really am of dying.. which is weird because i have a very strong belief of spirit world and i know i'll be perfectly fine once i'm actually there, but for some reason i still don't understand why the actual process of doing CTB scares the living hell out of me.. it scared me so much that i was literally considering being homeless rather than CTB if i couldn't cancel the eviction.. it is THAT scary to me.. it just boggles my mind why i am so scared, because i have ear problems and brain damage and i'm old (44) and i don't really care about this crappy life.. but for some reason that experience (it almost feels like it caused PTSD a little) scared me so much that i feel like i want to continue living for years more now, at least..
and an other thing it taught me was: do NOT stop paying rent just because you are planning on CTB soon.. it puts you in to a dire situation where you feel rushed instead of being relaxed and being able to put it off an extra day or week or month if you feel like it.. it is a horrible situation to be forced in to like "oh god i have only 1 day left and then i mandatorily must CTB".. don't do that to your self..
it also made me realize that i think i would rather CTB with an other person because it feels really scary to do it all by your self.. OR, actually what i consider the gold-standard for CTB is doing the switzerland thing where you save up like $20,000 plus plane ticket and go do their CTB thing over there where they just give you a drink (nembutal or some thing?) and but the important thing is it will feel formal and you will be comforted by people and they talk to you and stay with you while you are doing it etc.. so it is probably the least scary way, and most reliable way possible, although it is the most expensive but holy crap, it is worth it for people that are absolutely terrified like me (not that i have any money, but so i would have to save up for a long time, but still worth it to people like me)..
my uncle is right..... i have so much untapped potential, and i've been doing basically NOTHING with my life.. i want to try to do big things with my life now even though i'm already old.. i want to ACTULLY try to turn things around.. i'm going to try to put my self out there some how, maybe try being a game-streamer or some thing since my personality is always hilarious and cool and funny.. i've always been way too nervous about exposing my self to the public like that but i think this event that terrified the living heck out of me changed some thing in me now... it made me want to live more than i have wanted to live in a long time.. it's not "it's so over" any more, it's we are so fracking back now..
i love all of you guys and appreciate the big thread we have made here.. and at least me wanting to CTB brought me back on to these forums and i've been trying to help other people on here with my advice for their situations and even though i am not going to CTB any more any time soon, i might stick around the forums some times to still help some other people out every once in a while.. there is so much suffering in the world and i'd like to try to help pour some love and consolation and guidance in to the mix to make it suck just a little bit less for some people if i am able to..
i just re-read my entire yap i just typed, and i want to say one more thing before i send this out to the world.. I am VERY lucky to have a rich uncle, and this is not the first time he has saved my life.. but not every one has a rich uncle that will save their ass at the last second like i do.. so i want to posit this one word of advice: Have some savings money! Do not ever run your self down to zero dollars.. As long as you have any type of income stream at all you can start accumulating savings.. i could yap more about it for a long time but if you are thinking that putting $10 or $20 in savings at a time isn't very much then it shouldn't be enough money that you will miss it then either, so put it in there any way.. small amounts that you spend on fast-food and other junk add up over time.. your savings might literally save your life some day.. your goal is to never use it because it is for emergencies, but if you do have to use it then be sure to replace it and put money back in to it in case it needs to save you again in the future..
any way, thanks for reading all of my yap.. i know i yap more than any one else.. but it's a feature, not a bug!..
love and light..
I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you but I'm sending you my best wishes.
