Discussion Guilt vs the need to ctb?

[MrBlue]

My head is in a constant flux between these 2. I know one them has to win before I can actually move forward, but I'm worried that I'll be spinning my wheels forever. How about you? Do you have any guilt about ctb, and have you overcome it yet? Or conversely, have you managed to overcome the need to ctb for recovery?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yes. I don't have any guilt about ctb but that's because of my dissociation. I can't comprehend the emotional connection people have for me so to me if I leave its like I was never there. However also because of my dissociation I don't feel suicidal (which is its job) however this doesn't mean my problems are gone so I almost have to force myself to be suicidal because even though I haven't felt suicidal in a little bit I still don't want to deal with this anymore.

The whole thing's messed up

 

[Ulisses]

I continue with my mistakes brooding over and over in my mind, which makes me feel guilty and pushes me to ctb.ctb for me would be redemption.

 

[AJ95]

I have times where I feel very guilty about the idea of ctb, but then that usually passes when I think about the prospect of living another 60 years in as much misery as I've spent the last 10.

My family will be devastated but with time they'll move past it and realise that they're better off without me poisoning their lives

 

[specklenought]

i used to feel guilty bc i see friends and family quite frequently, and it used to make me feel so sick, but i feel like i've started over rationalising the whole thing, bc i used to think "Oh no they will miss me, this will hurt them, they are going through a lot rn i don't want to add to that" but now its like "well if im dead and i'm gone forever i wont be there to exist and experience that so it doesn't matter" i wonder if its selfish but thats how my disconnection works like it'll b chill bc i wont be around for the consequences. its like my brain is making it easier for me to leave?

 

[Ghost2211]

Way to much guilt to ctb, and there's no getting beyond that unless things wildly change. Sucks.... glad there is weed and snacks in the world.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Pretty much exactly. I can't keep on like this for much longer but I know it will devastate some people. But who is more selfish if I live a life of misery to keep them happy? Meh.

This is my life atm:

Sucks.... glad there is weed and snacks in the world.

 

[Brokensaddle]

My head is in a constant flux between these 2. I know one them has to win before I can actually move forward, but I'm worried that I'll be spinning my wheels forever. How about you? Do you have any guilt about ctb, and have you overcome it yet? Or conversely, have you managed to overcome the need to ctb for recovery?

No not at all my family would absolutely love me to commit suicide. There's a tiny amount of people I know in real life that will be devastating and extremely upset but I hope from the letters I leave behind that they understand I have tried my best to get help but the system has failed me and I can't absorb the abuse and hold my pain anymore. I do sit and think at night if I fight for another and job and be financially stronger maybe I can change things all on my own but I'm losing the will and self belief to achieve that. I don't what I'm going to or how long I'm going last I just live day by day.

 

[http-410]

Guilt? Absolutely not. Why should I? I'm not committing a crime.

I'm just one person among 7.8 billion. The world keeps turning without me.

 

[voidman]

Haven't overcome it yet. I expect to be able to once I'm fully prepared with my plan.