Help How to overcome the guilt for the decision of CTB?

[mexican_patty]

I tried to do it last week but I got coward last minute. This last few days, friends and family have shown support.
The thing is, I know I'm loved, and I love my friends, but love it's not enough to stay alive, I come to that conclusion months ago. Feeling unloved or unsupported it's not my main problem. Now I left home and I'm staying with a friend and her boyfriend, friends are checking on me, and my parents are texting and everything. They're worried for me, and I appreciate it, I even want to cry seeing it happening. I've grown more and more guilt over the last days because of this, which I didn't felt before.
But the suffering is bigger than my guilt, and I don't think the guilt will stop me, but I wanted advice about how to overcome it. I'm desperate and I'm planning on CTB later this week, I'm doing the SN method; but before I need some peace and stop feeling like this. Any advice/comment will be highly appreciated, thank you.

 

[Dopamine_Junkie44]

Maybe you can use this guilt to write some letters to the people who show you love. They will feel guilty, when you are gone. They might think they have not worked hard enough to help you. If you explain to them your reasons, then they might understand it more and feel less guilty. It is your life and your choice. It might ease your guilt if you have done what you can to make it a little less hard on them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd personally never feel guilty for wanting to choose when I die, if people are so anti-death then why do they procreate in the first place. I never would have chosen this existence and anyway all humans will die someday regardless of what happens, nobody should be forced to suffer and delay their inevitable fate, it should be up to the individual whether to continue or not. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find the peace from your suffering you search for.

 

[willitpass]

The guilt will never go away, and Id argue it's a good thing it's still a strong as it is, as it means you haven't yet lost your empathy. There is no way to get around the fact that CTB will hurt those around you, even those who are 100% certain no one will care. You could be a hermit but SOMEONE will care, even if it's the cashier at McDonalds realizing they haven't seen you around for your daily coffee anymore. Even if it's your elementary school teacher hearing about your death in the paper. The guilt is part of having your humanity. Ultimately it comes down to a decision only you can make: is your suffering worth continuing for the sake of those you care about, or has it become too much to bear to stay for those you love? No one can make that decision but you. It is a horrible position to be in, and the reason I hate when people say suicidal people aren't thinking about those around them.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I tried to do it last week but I got coward last minute. This last few days, friends and family have shown support.
The thing is, I know I'm loved, and I love my friends, but love it's not enough to stay alive, I come to that conclusion months ago. Feeling unloved or unsupported it's not my main problem. Now I left home and I'm staying with a friend and her boyfriend, friends are checking on me, and my parents are texting and everything. They're worried for me, and I appreciate it, I even want to cry seeing it happening. I've grown more and more guilt over the last days because of this, which I didn't felt before.
But the suffering is bigger than my guilt, and I don't think the guilt will stop me, but I wanted advice about how to overcome it. I'm desperate and I'm planning on CTB later this week, I'm doing the SN method; but before I need some peace and stop feeling like this. Any advice/comment will be highly appreciated, thank you.

My ideas are an obstacle to my own CTB, but I'd really like to just tell people what I'm going to do and let them get their grieving started while I am still alive. Nobody can force me to eat, if they force me into a hospital that is even better for me as I will have access to palliative care. However, if left to my own devices I will squishy-squash my carotid arteries with a belt and a couple nice fat chestnuts as pressure points. Fainting is quite immediate when they are held in place by hand.

 

[LunarLight]

The guilt will never go away. But it's your life (and death). It's your own decision.
Focus on yourself and you'll make the right decision.