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SuicideKurt

SuicideKurt

A grain of life in the nonexistence
May 19, 2025
54
So I have my SN and shit. But I cant drink it! When it comes down to CTB, my brain starts to exaggerate, imagine my friends who love me(LOL!) and that I still have ways to live. Logically, I understand that this is all nonsense and illusions, but my brain continues to cling to these illusions. Are there any ways to reduce the SI level? I think about catching bus tomorrow or the day after if my life situation does not improve. And it is very stressful to fast for 10 hours to drink SN. I have benzos, can microdosing them help?
 
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Reactions: Mooncry and angelalexandra
angelalexandra

angelalexandra

girl with a caustic halo
Apr 26, 2025
15
ive found over time that ones brain coming up with ways why you should stay alive usually isnt quite the same thing as SI. SI to me at least is a lot more primal, its what stops you from stepping in front of a car, and it doesnt really kick in for more "abstract" methods like sn or medication overdoses (ask me how i know). i genuinely think it might be worth trying to talk to those friends you though of, or exploring those ways to try live a bit longer. if and when its really your time to go, your brain wont be able to think of reasons to keep living.
 
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SuicideKurt

SuicideKurt

A grain of life in the nonexistence
May 19, 2025
54
ive found over time that ones brain coming up with ways why you should stay alive usually isnt quite the same thing as SI. SI to me at least is a lot more primal, its what stops you from stepping in front of a car, and it doesnt really kick in for more "abstract" methods like sn or medication overdoses (ask me how i know). i genuinely think it might be worth trying to talk to those friends you though of, or exploring those ways to try live a bit longer. if and when its really your time to go, your brain wont be able to think of reasons to keep living.
I wish you was right. But none of these "friends" care about me. It's all illusions because of my fear.
 
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Reactions: seekingpeace88
Mors.Mors.Mors

Mors.Mors.Mors

Student
Dec 10, 2023
127
So I have my SN and shit. But I cant drink it! When it comes down to CTB, my brain starts to exaggerate, imagine my friends who love me(LOL!) and that I still have ways to live. Logically, I understand that this is all nonsense and illusions, but my brain continues to cling to these illusions. Are there any ways to reduce the SI level? I think about catching bus tomorrow or the day after if my life situation does not improve. And it is very stressful to fast for 10 hours to drink SN. I have benzos, can microdosing them help?
Crying does it for me.
 

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