Goodbye

[DyingToDie123]

I saw that this was posted at 12am my time and thought this was like 24 hours ago... it was 3 hours ago. Lol. I'm glad I get to say a goodbye because even though because I appreciate your posts and I don't think you're a loser. I hope you find your peace. <3

 

[avaruus]

A lot people have told me, not only in this site, but in other places on the internet where i have vented out my situation, that:

"Your life hasn't even began yet, you haven't even tried"

I used to get mad at that, because it's so invalidating. But tbh, they are right.
I didn't even try :D
Like i said, i never even approached a girl.
I made a tinder on one drunken summer night back in 2021 when i turned 18. I got a couple matches but i never even spoke anything to them, i have nothing to say, i have nothing to offer to them.
It's truly frustating, someone else in my position could have had such an incredible life.
Which exactly why i consider my self as a 'loser'. It's because i am.

I just cannot do it, it's hard to explain if you just don't relate. Most people can converse with other people no problem, and if they receive a wrong order at mcdonalds, they can confidently go complain and try to get it switched.
I can't, I would gladly accept it and leave with my tail between my legs.
I'm insecure, anxious and a slave to my comfort zone.

 

[Cepi]

A lot people have told me, not only in this site, but in other places on the internet where i have vented out my situation, that:

"Your life hasn't even began yet, you haven't even tried"

I used to get mad at that, because it's so invalidating. But tbh, they are right.
I didn't even try :D
Like i said, i never even approached a girl.
I made a tinder on one drunken summer night back in 2021 when i turned 18. I got a couple matches but i never even spoke anything to them, i have nothing to say, i have nothing to offer to them.
It's truly frustating, someone else in my position could have had such an incredible life.
Which exactly why i consider my self as a 'loser'. It's because i am.

I just cannot do it, it's hard to explain if you just don't relate. Most people can converse with other people no problem, and if they receive a wrong order at mcdonalds, they can confidently go complain and try to get it switched.
I can't, I would gladly accept it and leave with my tail between my legs.
I'm insecure, anxious and a slave to my comfort zone.

I understand your situation completely, I had a similar upbringing and didn't try to life to fullest cause of personal biases towards myself. And it's so refreshing to hear someone be honest with themselves about how they are deep inside. Still it was honor to see you everyday active on this forum. I wish I could've interacted with you more but maybe in the afterlife all the members of SS can connect one last time. I hope you can pass away peaceful knowing you did what you thought was right for yourself.

 

[cursedcure]

i'll miss you, even if you don't remember me, thank you for your help buddy. safe travels

 

[avaruus]

i'll miss you, even if you don't remember me, thank you for your help buddy. safe travels

I do remember you :D I will remember you for ever!

 

[HollowDrop]

If this is truly the last way out for you, I hope you find your peace fellow Finnbro. May your journey liberate you from any suffering. One day I'll follow so torilla tavataan.
Glad to hear you were able to acquire SN safely, gives me hope for finding SN as well.

A lot people have told me, not only in this site, but in other places on the internet where i have vented out my situation, that:

"Your life hasn't even began yet, you haven't even tried"

I used to get mad at that, because it's so invalidating. But tbh, they are right.
I didn't even try :D
Like i said, i never even approached a girl.
I made a tinder on one drunken summer night back in 2021 when i turned 18. I got a couple matches but i never even spoke anything to them, i have nothing to say, i have nothing to offer to them.
It's truly frustating, someone else in my position could have had such an incredible life.
Which exactly why i consider my self as a 'loser'. It's because i am.

If it's any consolation, dating is not a wonder cure for anything and as we see on this site alone plenty of people with loving partners still feel the need to end their lives. Having a partner can actually increase pressure and make you feel worse if you have feelings of not being good enough.
Not having approached a girl does not make you a loser, you've potentially saved yourself from needless heartbreak and betrayal. I have 3 brothers and the only one who wasn't betrayed by a girlfriend is the one who never had one.

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

Ill miss you. You are the only person on the forum I have directly interacted with a couple of times.

I hope you find peace. I will join you soon, I hope. Sending you love.

Thank you for helping me find SN.

 

[Abandoned Character]

Thank you for sharing your story, I am 24 and have been living the neet life for 1.5 years and so I relate to some of your message. I do not share the same depth of sorrow as you do, and to be honest I want to talk about self-identity and how thoughts shape action, but like others I will bite my tongue out of respect for your decision.

There is one clarification that I cannot help but make, as a person that cannot help but counter what I interpret as irrational. You say "I can't" a lot, when perhaps a more accurate verbage is "I do not want to put in the effort" (nothing inherently wrong with that, I just find it to be a more honest sentiment). Rationally speaking, it is impossible to so confidently assert what you can not do until you have exhausted all efforts and avenues towards success ("success" being as simple as telling the cashier that they got your order wrong). If you do not want to put in the effort to live, I get that, and I wish you the best on your decision to resolve that conondrum.

Cheers, friend.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Usually when I'd see someone who wants to ctb "without a reason" (I'm pretty sure you have some but maybe not a really big one if you know what I mean) but I'd say think about it again, but actually not in this case. From what I read I'm sure you know what youre doing and thought about it long enough. I know love can be a bitch but we love you for the last moments on this world. That sounds so cheesy help but I want you to feel good about you at least for these last moments you deserve to feel loved and calm. So I wish you a safe peaceful journey in the afterlife. And we actually live in the same time zone ig so I'll light a candle for you. safe travels

 

[avaruus]

If this is truly the last way out for you, I hope you find your peace fellow Finnbro. May your journey liberate you from any suffering. One day I'll follow so torilla tavataan.
Glad to hear you were able to acquire SN safely, gives me hope for finding SN as well.

If it's any consolation, dating is not a wonder cure for anything and as we see on this site alone plenty of people with loving partners still feel the need to end their lives. Having a partner can actually increase pressure and make you feel worse if you have feelings of not being good enough.
Not having approached a girl does not make you a loser, you've potentially saved yourself from needless heartbreak and betrayal. I have 3 brothers and the only one who wasn't betrayed by a girlfriend is the one who never had one.

Haha, torilla tavataan tosijaan.
Yeah i know many people suffer despite having love and relationships. But still, never having experienced those is just so mellow, or rather gloomy.

Ill miss you. You are the only person on the forum I have directly interacted with a couple of times.

I hope you find peace. I will join you soon, I hope. Sending you love.

Thank you for helping me find SN.

I do remember you, have you found a source yet?

 

[FailureToAll]

I don't often feel emotional about goodbye threads but for some reason I feel sad about yours. Perhaps it's because I recognise your profile and have seen you around more than others and maybe that it's because I can relate to some of your story. I'm sorry you feel the need to ctb, I hope you will find peace.

 

[cheese.out]

Damn it will never be easy to read those goodbye threads. Sorry life brought you to this point - I wish you safe travels and a peaceful rest Also thank you again for your help with the sn :3

 

[Greyscale]

Take care. I wish we could've met under different circumstances.

 

[avaruus]

I've started to become really dissociated. Just little under 5 hours left and i don't know what to do anymore.
I just mindlessly scroll through tiktok and other social medias. I kinda want to just take it now, but i think it's better to wait so my fast would be complete.
+ i haven't taken my extra 300mg pregabalin and benzos yet.

 

[avaruus]

Did you exhaust all your options? Therapy and all that?

Kinda, it's not like the options would help me anyway, only i can fix my life. And i can't.
So here we are

 

[embrace_release]

Sorry to hear that you've come to this point buddy. I can relate to a couple of things you said, especially when it comes to comfort zones and the way they turn into protection bubbles with hardened walls that only allow few things inside and out. I get it, I pushed away so many things that would've helped too and would've only been beneficial for me the longest time. Like when I got a new PC as a present and I decided to use my utterly fucked laptop without a screen for another month, all I had to do was set up the PC in no time. But I didn't. And it was like this with every decision I had to make basically.

For the longest time I didn't know why, by now I'm pretty sure I'm terrified of change, no matter how that will look like. Maybe it's the same for you, I see a couple of parallels.
I think when people say "you haven't even tried" it's very tricky, because trying IS a major problem in itself, mentally. There's so much shame and a negative believe system of I'm not worth certain things (maybe all) in place which kills every seed of "I'm gonna try this" right when it sprouts. For some reason I managed to try in certain aspects of life and godamn, people were right. There is uncertainty and a big what if in the things I did but they paid off tenfold.

And you're right, no one except you can fix you, which doesn't mean somebody else can't give you the tools to do that. They can't make you walk a walk but at least they can try to heal your legs so you don't have to crawl anymore. Think about giving it a shot, you got enough SN to kill an elephant so you got your way out should everything fail and at least you'll be able to say you tried. Not with certain things. But where it all starts. With yourself.

lots of love

 

[puffinmowmow]

I can really feel your struggle. be well. I'm new here, and I have never posted here, but I think we're very similar. I wish your soul to rest in peace. feel free to hmu if u needa talk.

 

[Tesha]

Just remember you contributed fantastically on this forum - take that positive with you. Safe journey.

 

[avaruus]

Listening to:



It reminds me of my cat, i wish i could have said goodbye to him, i haven't seen him in over a year now.
He's already 13, next spring 14. I hope he has forgotten me. I wonder if cats miss their owners.

Spoiler: My cat, Tupsu

Just took 300mg of pregabalin and 1mg of clonazepam.
I might actually do it little bit earlier than 16.00, maybe 15.00.

 

[lotus11]

Hey, it's sad that your going so young and at but at the same time I very much relate and appreciate what your saying. I too am bad at life. On the surface, I'm fairly good looking, fairly clever, charismatic and extremely kind. But for some reason people always HATE me. I have no real close friends, no boyfriend or husband in my 30s and have been fired from almost every job I've ever done. why? Because there is just always something about me that people don't like. So although I am older than you in the grand scheme of things I too am young and am considering the same. I will say that work is even more awful than school in my opinion. Having to answer and beg and stand in line for a boss like a slave. So, I understand you. and if you do finally decide to go, I hope you find peace.

 

[ThisIsLife]

I feel sad, i didn't know you were only 20; even though you're young you seem mentally mature, and honest about yourself.

I hope it will be peaceful; sending hugs; see you there.

 

[wozhendehaolei688]

How did you overcome your fear of CTB? I really want to know. I have never been able to overcome my fear and it tortures me.
I'm going to have CTB in the next few days. I hope I can become a free-flying bird in my next life, without any worries.

 

[avaruus]

Just came back from my last visit to outside, what a shit weather. Snowslush everywhere and the sky is grey.
I wanted to do this when it was still a beautifully orange and sunny autumn just couple weeks ago.
But i guess it doesn't really matter anymore, right.

Listening to:



The love thing bothers me the most, i wish i could have had even just taste of it.
Not even sex, but even just hugging, cuddling, someone giving me a big smile.

The feeling of a woman saying "I love you" sincerely must be one the best things in the world.

In the past months i've done a lot of oxycodone. Ever since the first time i did it, I quickly started to imagne cuddling with a girl while i'm nodding.
Hugging my blanket like a loser.
This is kinda disturbing and weird, but i even started to imagne that I am the girl who is hugging me, it sounds weird. But i guess it's some desire to give pleasure.

I know these kinds of relationships never end well, but i was i was someones entire world, and they would be my entire world.

Honestly, i probably could bear living as a neet loser, if i only had love.
But i guess there is no point of being gloomy about it anymore.

I truly hope existence has still something for me. Maybe this is all just a prologue.
Maybe my true journey is only beginning.

If not, i wish i wasn't born.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Listening to:



It reminds me of my cat, i wish i could have said goodbye to him, i haven't seen him in over a year now.
He's already 13, next spring 14. I hope he has forgotten me. I wonder if cats miss their owners.

Spoiler: My cat, Tupsu

View attachment 122115

Just took 300mg of pregabalin and 1mg of clonazepam.
I might actually do it little bit earlier than 16.00, maybe 15.00.

Cute! cats are adorable. Unfortunately I also have no idea what you can do to enjoy the last hours I can't do much but here are some memes hope it makes you feel better. Really look into the details in the second one

 

[avaruus]

How did you overcome your fear of CTB? I really want to know. I have never been able to overcome my fear and it tortures me.
I'm going to have CTB in the next few days. I hope I can become a free-flying bird in my next life, without any worries.

I have no attachtments to anything in this world.
I have no possibilites to get my life better, so i've kinda reached a dead end.

And i trust SN to be peaceful, also i'm not scared of the state of death or the possibility of "hell"

 

[Oneness]

I see you've chosen to depart this world. I'm so sorry that you've experienced so much suffering in this life. Wishing you tranquility and inner peace as you undertake this journey And if there is an afterlife of some kind, I'll see you there.

 

[Svenhog]

Are you sure you really like to do this? To CTB is decision that can never be undone. You never know what will happen inte future, you're young and there's still a lot of time to improve your life.

 

[wozhendehaolei688]

I have no attachtments to anything in this world.
I have no possibilites to get my life better, so i've kinda reached a dead end.

And i trust SN to be peaceful, also i'm not scared of the state of death or the possibility of "hell"

Thank you for your reply
I have no nostalgia for this world. The world is terrible (all caused by humans).
Schizophrenia drove me to a dead end, and God could not save me.
SN is indeed peaceful. I have read a lot of relevant information and comments that support this.
I think my personal fear of CTB should be human instinct, and I can only overcome it with reason and willpower.

 

[m_account]

I have no attachtments to anything in this world.
I have no possibilites to get my life better, so i've kinda reached a dead end.

And i trust SN to be peaceful, also i'm not scared of the state of death or the possibility of "hell"

I can relate to this so much. Even if there is a chance of my life getting better, I don't care because I am not looking forward to anything in life.

 

[avaruus]

I thought that i wanted to share this video that i made.
It's a little pretentious, but it is indeed interesting.



Maybe it's just fate, this day was already decided 13.8 billions years ago.
Maybe there nothing i could have done. It's kinda peaceful actually.