Goodbye

[leavingsoon99]

A lot people have told me, not only in this site, but in other places on the internet where i have vented out my situation, that:

"Your life hasn't even began yet, you haven't even tried"

I used to get mad at that, because it's so invalidating. But tbh, they are right.
I didn't even try :D
Like i said, i never even approached a girl.
I made a tinder on one drunken summer night back in 2021 when i turned 18. I got a couple matches but i never even spoke anything to them, i have nothing to say, i have nothing to offer to them.
It's truly frustating, someone else in my position could have had such an incredible life.
Which exactly why i consider my self as a 'loser'. It's because i am.

I just cannot do it, it's hard to explain if you just don't relate. Most people can converse with other people no problem, and if they receive a wrong order at mcdonalds, they can confidently go complain and try to get it switched.
I can't, I would gladly accept it and leave with my tail between my legs.
I'm insecure, anxious and a slave to my comfort zone.

I enjoyed reading your posts. I appreciate you reading mine. I'm so sorry life has brought you to this point. Your feelings are valid. ALL of them. I don't know when you plan on doing it, but I wish you peace in your journey and a quick and safe escape from here. You're NOT a loser. I've had amazing opportunities to make my life a little better. Unfortunately, I wasn't in a position or mindset to capitalize on them. I still did amazing things in my life. I never approached a female either. I guess because, when I was younger, my brothers teased me and tormented me when they saw me approach one. That scarred me for life. Literally. They were mean and cruel in their jest. So, I identify with that.

You seem like a beautiful soul, and if there is anything after this, I hope it's not only better, but that we can meet and be friends in it.

I wish peace for you and I'm not far behind your departure.

Goodbye, Friend.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

It's beautiful and I agree. It doesn't even matter so much anyway if we live or die. I mean the universe is 13.8 billion years old. Humans exist since 300.000 years. It's so short compared to the age of earth wich is 4.5 billion years old. Humans are just another phase of earth and in the future humans will also die and new species will be on here. we are so tiny and overall everybody will die at the end so what does it matter if we die now or in the future

 

[Wernove]

Hey man, I have actually no idea what time is it for you, so I don't know what is going rn. Is this going as planned ?
I love you man, sincerely, hope you will finally find peace

 

[avaruus]

Hey man, I have actually no idea what time is it for you, so I don't know what is going rn. Is this going as planned ?
I love you man, sincerely, hope you will finally find peace

It's 13:31 for me now, i'm planning to go somewhere around 15:00-16:00

 

[lucyna]

i'll miss you, thank you for everything hyvää ja rauhallista matkaa, toivon että löydät sen mitä etsit

 

[LillieCat]

Just came back from my last visit to outside, what a shit weather. Snowslush everywhere and the sky is grey.
I wanted to do this when it was still a beautifully orange and sunny autumn just couple weeks ago.
But i guess it doesn't really matter anymore, right.

Listening to:



The love thing bothers me the most, i wish i could have had even just taste of it.
Not even sex, but even just hugging, cuddling, someone giving me a big smile.

The feeling of a woman saying "I love you" sincerely must be one the best things in the world.

In the past months i've done a lot of oxycodone. Ever since the first time i did it, I quickly started to imagne cuddling with a girl while i'm nodding.
Hugging my blanket like a loser.
This is kinda disturbing and weird, but i even started to imagne that I am the girl who is hugging me, it sounds weird. But i guess it's some desire to give pleasure.

I know these kinds of relationships never end well, but i was i was someones entire world, and they would be my entire world.

Honestly, i probably could bear living as a neet loser, if i only had love.
But i guess there is no point of being gloomy about it anymore.

I truly hope existence has still something for me. Maybe this is all just a prologue.
Maybe my true journey is only beginning.

If not, i wish i wasn't born.

I can relate so much to this love thing. Even if you would get a taste of it, it wouldn't be really better, if not even worse. Because if this woman would leave you after cuddling etc. it would be so much more hurtful. Even if it's only a week or so (at least that's the case for me, I'm getting attached so fast it's unbelievable). Then you're angry, sad, miss that love, miss that person, hate this person, hate yourself and so on.
After that it's just the same again. You want love again. It's like a drug. You feel like nobody wants you. Even when you've never been rejected.

It's fixable for sure, at least people say that. But tbh I don't know how and how long it takes.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

We haven't spoken but I've seen you many times here. Goodbye friend, I hope you find the peace you're looking for. We'll miss you.

 

[avaruus]

Here they are
5 Glasses, each has 25g of SN and 50-70ml of water.

I tasted the SN in the salt form, and it just tasted like normal salt. It was pretty good actually. I was expecting some bitter chemical taste.


I took a small sip from the drink, it wasn't that bad. I guess i just have good relationship with salt.
I did keto for a whole year back in 2021 and was super thristy, then i realized that i was missing electrolytes, so i began to mix 5 grams of table salt into about 300ml of water and drink it.
It was refreshing and hydrating.

i'll miss you, thank you for everything hyvää ja rauhallista matkaa, toivon että löydät sen mitä etsit

Toivottavasti säkin löydät rauhan, oli tosi kiva keskustella.
Kiitos seurasta :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How do you feel? Reading your thread really touches me but I can fully understand your decision. I hope you find peace and freedom! Farewell!

 

[IDoNotExist]

I hope you find peace wherever you go. I want to say more but idk what.

 

[avaruus]

How do you feel? Reading your thread really touches me but I can fully understand your decision. I hope you find peace and freedom! Farewell!

I'm feeling really dizzy from the pregabalin and clonazepam.

I kinda want to do it already, i'm actually kinda excited and optimistic about death.

Listening to:

 

[CloudyNightSky]

It's calming that you don't seem like your scared or in some kind of anxiety rn please find peace. I just know you since a few hours but we love you and not gonna forget you <3 I heard if you drink it it feels kinda like you're drunk but I also wanted to thank you for describing your symptoms. How it tastes and so on because I also think ctb with sn could be really peaceful and maybe will do it too this way someday

 

[avaruus]

I hope you find peace wherever you go. I want to say more but idk what.

I can relate to that, wanting to say something, but nothing comes out.

 

[the_last_race]

Hello. We've never interacted before and I'm new to this site, but your story is very relatable. Although I'm a bit older and born in a shittier country - still I'm lucky compared to folks my age... Yet i fell like an empty failure.

Good luck in finding out whether there's something out there.

 

[Treku]

I wish you the best and hope you find your peace

 

[avaruus]

Listening to:



I'm feeling really optimistic right now, tho a little tired, been awake for 12 hours now.

Life, existence and conciusness are so mysterious, why i am me? Why wasn't i born as some indian kid rather than as me.
Who is the one experiencing pain when my leg gets hurt, who is that?

Call me delusional, even tho i've always been hardcore atheist, i have strange feeling that there is something beyond. Maybe not in this universe anymore, but somewhere else.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Omg yes I know what you mean I'm also an atheist but sometimes when I think about that stuff I also think that maybe there's something I mean we all know where the body goes where tf do the souls go do they just disappear idk. One question would you describe your feeling right now as happy, calm or does it feel like it doesn't matter. When I think about it it feels more relieving or maybe a mix of all of them. I can't really decide

 

[avaruus]

Omg yes I know what you mean I'm also an atheist but sometimes when I think about that stuff I also think that maybe there's something I mean we all know where the body goes where tf do the souls go do they just disappear idk. One question would you describe your feeling right now as happy, calm or does it feel like it doesn't matter. When I think about it it feels more relieving or maybe a mix of all of them. I can't really decide

I'm feeling happy and calm now.
All these support from here makes me have a big fat smile on my face :)

Death doesn't have to be a sad thing.
Everyone is eventually going to die, so you just have to accept it.



9 minutes left...

listening to:

 

[JustABug]

I'm feeling happy and calm now.
All these support from here makes me have a big fat smile on my face :)

Death doesn't have to be a sad thing.
Everyone is eventually going to die, so you just have to accept it.



9 minutes left...

listening to:

Pheobe !! Good song choice ! I wish you the best. From this thread you seem like a wonderful person. I'm glad you're happy with your decision. I'm sure there is something out there, even though I'm an atheist too, i know you'll find it. <3

 

[avaruus]

5 minutes...

 

[Agon321]

Good luck, I hope your CTB is peaceful. If it makes you feel any better, I can relate to your situation to a large extent. Prepare a nice place for losers on the other side :)

 

[http-410]

With five glasses, you seem pretty determined. Be aware that you can change your mind at any time. If you do want to leave, I wish you a smooth, peaceful transition.

Btw, I really like your profile pic and will now probably always associate it with you/this thread when I see it elsewhere.

All the best.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

Good luck, torilla tavataan

 

[prettyinprozac]

we are all here with you, hope you find your peace

 

[avaruus]

Just took it, yäk. :D


+1 minute: no nausea yet, tho my hearts beating really fast, probably not related to the SN

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Just lighted your candle hope it helps you find your way but Im sure you'll find it easy

 

[limerent]

hope you are safe wherever you choose to be <3

 

[avaruus]

I can't help but smile, it's finally happening.




I hope i don't lose conciousness soon, i want to update here more.
And chat with you guys!


+3 minutes: really weird feeling in my chest area, kinda like tingling sensation

 

[CloudyNightSky]

You're so sweet. you got this and I downloaded all the songs you mentioned so every time I hear them I think about you

 

[avaruus]

If somebody comes back to my account after weeks of being away, it's probably my parents.
I'm starting to feel really dizzy now.
I hope i wake up in a better world.


Goodbye.


vision really blurry, no pain tho.


i lov eyou guys!