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CursedSoul

CursedSoul

Cursed to stay, Cursed to Suffer...
Jun 4, 2022
69
i'm writing this thread because man....

* I wake up
* feel a presence in my bed, it's my girlfriend
* cuddle her while she is still asleep for a good hour
* get up, go prepare breakfast, pet my cat downstairs and give her favorite food, a smile drawn on my face as she purrs from seeing me, getting pets and eating some good cat treat
* breakfast is finally done, some nice coffee with milk like i love, 3 sugar because i'm all about SUGAR man haha.
* go upstairs, wake up GF, she is happy and surprised, thanks me profusely, gives me a kiss, we enjoy our breakfast in bed together, very cozy and comfy.
* finally decide to go on the pc, log in discord, launch steam, see my favorite games with the updates we waited for, log in to 2 messages, it's my friends that ask me and my gf to join the group
to play all together
* me and gf launches our pc, join our buds on discord, we have a great time, my cat jumps on my desk, so it's cool, i can pet her when i'm dead ingame, having a laugh with buds and joking.
* open my minifridge, get some energy drinks, some monsters, my favorite man :)
* we play all day, it becomes late, GF wants some PEGI 18+, after it's done, cuddle and go sleep together, what a great day today, can't wait to see what tomorrow has to offer.
* fall asleep.

X- WAKE UP
X - IT WAS ALL A FUCKING DREAM
X- WAKE UP TO 0 MESSAGES, REMEMBER MY GF IS MY EX THAT LEFT ME BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED OF MY ILLNESSES
X- REMEMBER MY FRIENDS, THEY ALL LEFT AS WELL
X- ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE IM ABOUT DO DIE BECAUSE MY DEPRESSION FUCKS UP MY BODY (to the point i cough blood sometimes)
X- FATHER BARGES IN, SCREAMING AT ME THAT I BECAME A DEPRESSED SLUG WITH NO FUTURE, THAT I'L NEVER GET A JOB AND SUCCEED IN LIFE IF I DON'T GET BETTER AND SLEEP ALL DAY (it was 3pm)
X- MY ROOM IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS, BOTTLE AND CANS EVERYWHERE BECAUSE DEPRESSION CRIPPLES ME TO THE POINT I CAN'T CLEAN UP AND HATE LIVING IN THIS SHIT
X- GO MAKE COFFEE, ALMOST TRIP IN STAIRS OUT OF THE DIZZINESS AND HEAD RINGING, IT TASTES FUCKING BAD
X- LAUNCH DISCORD, SEE MY 3 FRIENDS, WHEN I SUSPECT ONE ACTUALLY COMMITED SUICIDE, HE DOESNT ANSWER ANYMORE
X- PLAY ALONE, PTSD COMES IN, THOUGHTS OF ME DYING ALONE, REMEMBERING THE NICE DREAM I HAD, REMINDING THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE THIS IN MY LIFE
X- FULLY KNOW THAT THE PAIN WILL TRULY END WHEN I WILL SUICIDE, AND I'M SURE THAT WHEN I WILL FINALLY DIE, IT WILL BE FROM EXCRUTIATING PAIN AND SUFFERING.


why does my brain does this to me ? "X-" content actually happened today, WHY ?! does any of you gets absolutely trolled by dreams like that ? It's been 4 weeks i at least dream once a week of scenarios like this, actually believing it's real, for me to wake up and live my shitty life again. Feel free to post your brain absolutelly memeing you/similar experiences/debate/laugh, everything is welcome, thanks for reading.

Fuck this life, and fuck god for doing this to me. I'm cursed bro.
 
Marine

Marine

Make love win against fear 🤍
Jul 5, 2020
581
Yep. Every day / night.

That doesn't mean you wil never have that again though. At least I want to believe that as long as I'm not dead...

Your father sounds abusive AF I must mention... Consider getting away if you can.
 
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CursedSoul

CursedSoul

Cursed to stay, Cursed to Suffer...
Jun 4, 2022
69
idk if abusive, but not understanding and unpatient, yes
 
W

Winterreise

I wanna be a baby and cry and be held forever
Jun 27, 2022
148
I rarely dream. And when i do, they make no sense.
 
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TheLastFemaphrodyke

TheLastFemaphrodyke

Student
May 25, 2022
130
my dreams don't do this to me, my real life does this to me,
must be homeless with no way to pay for medical treatment
get a place to stay, get insurance....almost freeze to death in the shed with no running water, electric and now a broken woodburning stove....cannot get a doctor still despite having the best insurance America has Blue Cross Blue Shield and NOPE their website is useless and their 800 number is manned by idiots who only want to help you decide if you have a claim or not, I already KNOW I don't have a claim you brainless twit! I haven't even been to a doctor yet because your website has inaccurate information and I called the number to help me FIND a fucking doctor you retarded asswipe!
I get my room broken into and go to the hotel manager for help and to call the police for me, instead she calls the police ON me, has them attack me, knee me in the groin, causing me to shit and piss myself and then they parade me in public in my shitty underwear and in front of the opposite sex in jail, the entire time accusing me of using meth, when my VERY long hair can prove I do NOT do meth.

WIDE THE FUCK AWAKE!
 
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W

WaitingAllMyLife

Member
Jul 4, 2022
88
Oh my goodness. I actually wish I had this problem. I think.... My life is an absolutely painful existence. But then I go to sleep and it's even worse. Bad dreams of everyone hating me, failing at everything, being chased, losing loved ones, my childhood torturer is alive again, etc. I want so badly to just rest, to sleep, to escape my shitty life, only to be in a worse place when I go to sleep. Double-edged sword I suppose. Sorry you have to wake up to such a let down.
 
rainwillneverstop

rainwillneverstop

Global Mod | Serious Health Hazard
Jul 12, 2022
147
as late as yesterday evening.

>meet girl
>feel euphoria for the first time in years
>everything clicks, puzzle is finally solved.
>wake up and feel absolutely numb again

a pattern which often repeats.
 
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☆AwaitingEntropy☆

☆AwaitingEntropy☆

Snuffing the Light Out
Nov 6, 2021
207
I don't usually get good dreams. Most of mine are either boring and forgettable or flat out nightmares. Dreams in which I ctb are nice though, as are dreams where people love me/ I fall in love, but the latter is exceptionally rare.

I dunno, I walk through life feeling exhausted anyways, so may as well try to sleep. Sometimes sleep offers respite, sometimes it just aggravates things.
 

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