Discussion How did your parents abuse you?

[nevergoodenough91]

My parents:
-Cared for me on the same level akin to a pet, neglecting me as much as they could except for when they were getting attention from me.

-Taught me all people should be nice, and anything harsh or different from other people is "mean" and you should always care about what the other person will react like and never have boundaries. Everyone should have the same emotion all the time or youre a bad person. Every time I complained about being bullied in school, theyd never actually tell me how to stand up for myself and that I was my own individual person and had value. My mother conditioned me to be this broken person with no self esteem, probably because she wanted me to be exactly like herself.

-Taught me people are not individuals and having a different opinion or way that opposes the household makes me a bad person. Everyone should be the same person.

-Conditioned me to need to validate myself through them for everything that I do or say, constantly questioning me to get me to overexplain myself. As well as needing to validate my reality through them.

-Always poking holes in what I say or ideas I have with pedantic critiques that obviously hold no water.

-Never socialized me properly.

-No matter what I did it was never enough. "You did this and thats great but you still have x y z" "You couldve done this" "Whyd you do the easy thing?" "Why are you spending time on this?" The conversation would always rebound to "ok but you need to get your grades up"

-They only cared about the achievements THEY PERCIEVED as valueable not any of my own personal achievements I was proud of. They were so happy for me when I did a shitty placement in the sport I didnt like, was constantly left out on, didnt care for but was forced into which I constantly complained about.

-They could never treat me as a kid, always as an adult but with the restrictions a kid has. Mistakes were never mistakes they were always my fault. I was expected to already know everything and do everything myself. I was always in the position to where somehow I was supposed to plan my own life and do everything myself.

-Thier wants and needs took priority over thier childs development

-Always saying we are such a loving family and always care, but in reality we are extremely enmeshed and there is at least 1 vulnerable narcissist parent


How did your parents fuck you up?

 

[Codename_Joryu]

• Comparing me to my brother all the time
• Only caring about school and grades
• Always threatening and insulting me because of smallest inconveniences possible
• Gaslighting, yeah, they are doing that. Everytime I reminded them of something they did to me they were like "what are you talking about?" or "this never happened, are you crazy?"
• Physical violence from time to time
• Intervening into my private life and not letting me see my friends (meanwhile my brother was allowed to travel 300km to meet with his friends when he was 16)
• Not trusting me with anything, always treating me like an illiterate child
  There are probably more, but I can't remember rn, that's all I can think of for now.

 

[vak]

I don't think my experiences were as horrible as yours or those of many others here, but my upbringing was still far from pleasant

• My father had schizoid personality disorder (diagnosed) and was unable to feel any affection for me, instead choosing to subject me to psychological abuse. I wish he had succeeded in his threat of a suicide attempt, but I think he just wanted sympathy. I haven't spoken to him since I left home. He pretended he was full of love around others, but he really did not feel it inside and it showed. And nobody ever believed me because he was able to keep up the image.
• I was often denied food. I was told I could take anything from the fridge, but any attempt was thwarted because "I hadn't put anything there." So, I was left hungry yet somehow felt guilty for not taking food. It was just messed up.
• I was constantly told that I was worthless and everything I did was wrong.
• My sister was always given preference over me, without any attempt to hide it. That's true even today.
• Although my mother disagreed with this treatment, she later explained that she thought it was normal because she grew up without a father. I couldn't tell her or anyone about it. When I complained, she said it was between me and my father, which is the most useless thing a parent can say. She was supposed to be there for me, and I will never forgive her for tolerating that behavior. She wasn't abusive, but she allowed it to happen.

Considering everything, it's a miracle that I haven't become bitter. And not becoming like my father, my biggest fear and promise to myself when I was growing up, is my biggest achievement,

 

[nevergoodenough91]

I don't think my experiences were as horrible as yours or those of many others here, but my upbringing was still far from pleasant

• My father had schizoid personality disorder (diagnosed) and was unable to feel any affection for me, instead choosing to subject me to psychological abuse. I wish he had succeeded in his threat of a suicide attempt, but I think he just wanted sympathy. I haven't spoken to him since I left home. He pretended he was full of love around others, but he really did not feel it inside and it showed. And nobody ever believed me because he was able to keep up the image.
• I was often denied food. I was told I could take anything from the fridge, but any attempt was thwarted because "I hadn't put anything there." So, I was left hungry yet somehow felt guilty for not taking food. It was just messed up.
• I was constantly told that I was worthless and everything I did was wrong.
• My sister was always given preference over me, without any attempt to hide it. That's true even today.
• Although my mother disagreed with this treatment, she later explained that she thought it was normal because she grew up without a father. I couldn't tell her or anyone about it. When I complained, she said it was between me and my father, which is the most useless thing a parent can say. She was supposed to be there for me, and I will never forgive her for tolerating that behavior. She wasn't abusive, but she allowed it to happen.

Considering everything, it's a miracle that I haven't become bitter. And not becoming like my father, my biggest fear and promise to myself when I was growing up, is my biggest achievement,

Thats so fucked up im sorry :(

 

[ForgottenAgain]

My life was good until the day my mother died when I was 13. After that, my father started dating horrible women. One stole a lot of money from me, another wished for me to die.
My father was always emotionally distant and I had to do everything myself. Moments that I will never forget was him saying:
- I wish I never had you and your sister
- If I could turn back time, I would never have been with your mother

 

[Kariope]

My birth mother was abusive to my father aswell, thus getting divorced when I was a baby and as the years went by she would barely let us see each other and would talk shit about my dad. He worked a different shift every week and it was already so difficult to see him but he did want to see me, she was the problem.
Forced me into religion for all of my childhood, and it just got worse as a teen, I got expelled from the catholic church we went to because everyone in the neighbourhood found out I was dating a girl.
And of course my mother beat me, insulted me, and much more because I dated a girl.
She'd also beat and insult me for anything else I did. Examples include not washing the dishes that were at most two plates and a few spoons because I was at school in the morning, working in the evening and at tech school at night.
I had to work as a kid to buy myself food for the days I was out all day studying or anything else I wanted (toys, videogames etc) because my mom wouldn't give me anything, and she ended up donating and/or throwing away all the toys I bought and my dad bought me when I was like 15 without my permission.
She was unemployed for years at a time and stayed home pretty much all day, my father gave her money so we could get neccessities but some months she would blow it all on stuff for herself and we went hungry to the point of begging neighbours to spare some food. I also had to search for jobs for her because she claimed she didn't know how to use websites or e-mail when she spent all day on the internet talking to random men.
Those same random men who she brought home on various occasions, both when I was a young child and a teen, leaving me vulnerable to abuse, that ended up happening. Some of those men she brought home were drug addicted and one even an absolute creep, the one who followed 11 year old me back home from school and ended up sexually abusing me. It's her fault this happened.
This isn't as heavy but she would also shame me for anything I had interest in, be it hobbies or anything profissional that "would give me a future". She broke a laptop and a phone my dad had given me to play video games and study on.
When I was 18 I ran away from home and lived in the streets for a few days. My dad found out and managed to get in contact with me because of a friend of mine from my city. He took me to live with him and his wife(my new mother).
They're very nice compared to my birth mother but still very judging.
I was shamed for my hobbies for the two years I've lived with them even if all I did was spend MY money which I got from my job on it.
They're also very demanding and would probably disown me if they found out I lost my job. lol

 

[whywere]

Wow, I could write at least 1 novel about how my "dad" used to beat the hell out of me, till I got a huge growth spurt and then after hitting him back, he stopped, gee I wonder why?

I will NEVER EVER understand till my final days why a male and female have sex, without precautions, have an offspring, then sometimes abuse and misuse the poor lad/lass.

I have mentioned on here too many times now, but I was always called "the mistake" an even at the end when both my "parents" died, they left enough so that my younger sister and older brother never had to work or worry again, and I was left ZERO.

To all the great friends and family members here, my heart breaks for anyone who had to endure any form of physical or mental abuse. Just makes me cry even thinking of it.

Lots of hugs to everyone here.

Walter

 

[Ironborn]

For me I was just isolated, never socialised properly, never interacted with family much.
Father wasn't interested, probably spoken a few paragraphs total in my entire life to him, never bonded.
Mother was overprotective, every time I tried to venture out on my own she found a reason to stop me or shoot down my ambitions.
I saw how my few friend's families were and I began to generate this deep resentment for my parents, almost hatred now.
If you didn't want to bother with me or let me grow why did you fucking have me you cunts.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I already made a thread on this *boiling with rage. Foaming at the mouth.* Only original threads from now on. Whittle this site down to searching old threads since all original posts have been posted

 

[nevergoodenough91]

I already made a thread on this *boiling with rage. Foaming at the mouth.* Only original threads from now on. Whittle this site down to searching old threads since all original posts have been posted

Dude im not going to search through every old thread to find something vaugley similar to what I want to talk about. If I feel something spontaneously, I will write and post. Im not going to backfit something genuine into someone elses topic.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Dude im not going to search through every old thread to find something vaugley similar to what I want to talk about. If I feel something spontaneously, I will write and post. Im not going to backfit something genuine into someone elses topic.

I was kidding.

 

[nevergoodenough91]

I was kidding.

Sorry my bad

 

[trashprincess]

My parents:
-Cared for me on the same level akin to a pet, neglecting me as much as they could except for when they were getting attention from me.

-Taught me all people should be nice, and anything harsh or different from other people is "mean" and you should always care about what the other person will react like and never have boundaries. Everyone should have the same emotion all the time or youre a bad person. Every time I complained about being bullied in school, theyd never actually tell me how to stand up for myself and that I was my own individual person and had value. My mother conditioned me to be this broken person with no self esteem, probably because she wanted me to be exactly like herself.

-Taught me people are not individuals and having a different opinion or way that opposes the household makes me a bad person. Everyone should be the same person.

-Conditioned me to need to validate myself through them for everything that I do or say, constantly questioning me to get me to overexplain myself. As well as needing to validate my reality through them.

-Always poking holes in what I say or ideas I have with pedantic critiques that obviously hold no water.

-Never socialized me properly.

-No matter what I did it was never enough. "You did this and thats great but you still have x y z" "You couldve done this" "Whyd you do the easy thing?" "Why are you spending time on this?" The conversation would always rebound to "ok but you need to get your grades up"

-They only cared about the achievements THEY PERCIEVED as valueable not any of my own personal achievements I was proud of. They were so happy for me when I did a shitty placement in the sport I didnt like, was constantly left out on, didnt care for but was forced into which I constantly complained about.

-They could never treat me as a kid, always as an adult but with the restrictions a kid has. Mistakes were never mistakes they were always my fault. I was expected to already know everything and do everything myself. I was always in the position to where somehow I was supposed to plan my own life and do everything myself.

-Thier wants and needs took priority over thier childs development

-Always saying we are such a loving family and always care, but in reality we are extremely enmeshed and there is at least 1 vulnerable narcissist parent


How did your parents fuck you up?

Literally all the same ways Are we from the same family

 

[traintracks.mp3]

I wouldn't say my parents abused me, but I feel I did get messed up by them a bit. They lied to me about my physical and mental conditions, tried to put me under a conservatorship, and are the reason I am so scared to speak casually, or not communicate effectively.

 

[soolka]

i dont know if this is abuse but my parents never taught me basic life things. tell me to brush my hair, teeth, clean etc. spent a lot of elementary years getting bullied for being dirty. never helped me socialize either.

 

[Malaria]

- My bio father beat me and tried to kill both me and my mother when I was a small child.
- My mother has a temper issue and would beat me and yell at me when she was frustrated with her own problems.
- My stepfather threatened to beat me.
- I once had a shower door fall on my big toe which resulted in it nearly fracturing. It also got a horrible infection. The day after it happened, my stepfather accused me of "faking the pain" and forced me to walk on that foot despite how much it hurt. My mother sat back and watched it happen without doing anything to stop it. I was only ten years old.
- My stepfather made sexual comments about my body when I was about 8 or 9 years old.
- My stepfather cheated on my mother which resulted in them getting divorced, which resulted in feeling abandoned like how I felt my bio father abandoned me.

And that's only the stuff I feel comfortable sharing publicly.

 

[Pessimist]

My father is an angry person. When I was a child, he used to yell at me for getting bad grades. I quickly learned to do what he wanted so I wouldn't get yelled at, including going to study the subjects he wanted me to study. He was angry that I couldn't pass a driving test easily. Today I can't even tell him my political views, and I have to pretend I'm a right-winger so he doesn't hate me. I still like him, but I prefer my mom. I don't know if his behaviour is considered abusive or not.

 

[Adûnâi]

I wonder whether parents can truly inculcate things in kids. I have always had this baseless impression inculcated into me (xd) that great people may have shitty kids, and shitty people may have great kids.

In my case, my father was largely absent (even though my mom is coping that he wasn't lmao), and my mom did everything I asked her to, so it's the opposite of abuse. But in the end, I'm just corpse with no motivation, no point existing - especially considering how I did not socialise, and thus will never have sex.

 

[sserafim]

I wonder whether parents can truly inculcate things in kids. I have always had this baseless impression inculcated into me (xd) that great people may have shitty kids, and shitty people may have great kids.

In my case, my father was largely absent (even though my mom is coping that he wasn't lmao), and my mom did everything I asked her to, so it's the opposite of abuse. But in the end, I'm just corpse with no motivation, no point existing - especially considering how I did not socialise, and thus will never have sex.

My father was largely absent too. He lives and works overseas, and I only saw him in the summer or when he came to America. I don't like him so I'm happy that I wasn't raised by him.

 

[Unhumanly.]

absent and barely ever be the place of my voice, leaving me navigating life on my own, emotionally not there

Well, they're too young when they bring me in this world after all, not in appropriate age to be parents, I was not even planned, I'm only result of their naivety, it made sense if they think what should be enough to take care of a child is just to provide them with food, they were just naive,young and undeveloped

I am angry but it's sad too, they were just as lost as I am when navigating life on their own

 

[leloyon]

My parents both suffer from depression and other mental illnesses, so as a result my life has been rife with neglect and instability. My mother has also emotionally abused me at points.

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

When my mother went traveling to be able to do a master's degree, I've spent almost a year living alone with my father.

That year specifically, I got out of a medication for epilepsy, which had gotten me depressed for the whole year. I also have started to suffer with cyberbullying in my classroom, and phisical bullying in the extra classes I took in the afternoon time.

My notes eventually started to fall, and I didn't had much interest in school and studying anymore (wonder why.)
His response to that? Starting to shout at me even more, of how I was lazy and should do things right, because "I was not a toddler anymore, I should be able to do things on my own" and other thousands of things I can't remember anymore.
I remember vividly how he screamed when I couldn't answer him or look him in the eye when he was discussing with me. I didn't had the autism report at the time, but even so.. it's something I remember that got him really anger, since I was a child.

The period I started cutting was also real shit.
It started on 18 april, when he said if he got any warning about homework I didn't deliver, he'd beat me up. It wasn't common for that to happen, so I got desperate thinking "hey, maybe if I do the service for him, he won't have to beat me?"

It's stupid, but I wasn't on my right head at that time, clearly.

I still remember at more threats like those, one specifically he gave me, that he would beat me up if I cutted myself, made me almost flee away from home. I just didn't, because he ended up apologizing half an hour later of that.

In 2020, I moved in to the town my mother was doing her master's degree. Their divorce was also occuring (since it started november of the year before, it ended at 2021.) During that year, we fought a lot at the phone, and one of those fights made me have some ptsd reaction with calls. It still is here even so much time has passed, when I am nervous about something or someone, and that someone tries to call me, I simply can't pick it up.

I thought I had solved things with him last year, but... In the end, I think I'll have to cut ties for good. My mom has an restraining order and doesn't really care about him... I wish I could feel the same way all of the time like she does.

 

[SnowWhite]

I'm not sure how to word it outside of the vague term of 'emotional neglect'.

My parents have never really been abusive, I've been punched a few times by my dad a few times but I almost deserved it because of how I acted, like the one time I started a physical fight with my dad (dumb idea, but I was drunk and thought "surely he won't fight back against his daughter) and he finished it. I don't really blame him for that.

My mum though, was different. She never wanted to hear about anything bad in my life. Everything that went wrong in my life was my fault. My epilepsy was "my fault because I didn't sleep enough as a teenager". My mental issues are "laziness because I was raised better than that". I don't hate my mum, far from it, and she spends a lot of money on me in terms of clothes, shoes, bags, makeup etc. But I've never really felt like I could ever talk to her about my struggles. Despite that fact my dad was more strict and occasionally hit me, at least I could talk to him and vaguely get a response about how he understands that it's hard but I need to do better and work on it. My mum though, just completely brushes me off and it always turns into a case of "oh I must be the worst mother ever".

So physical abuse was rare and mostly deserved (ie starting a fight with my dad) but neglect is probably one of the reasons I struggle to express emotions or even talk about bad experiences.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

My father was emotionally absent. I felt like it didn't matter if I exist to him.
My mother was emotionally abusive. Just constant criticism and negativity from her. I also never got any praise or affection from both parents.
My childhood was sad and I felt rejected by my parents and like there was something wrong with me as a result.
I don't have any nice childhood memories to go back to.

 

[whywere]

My father was emotionally absent. I felt like it didn't matter if I exist to him.
My mother was emotionally abusive. Just constant criticism and negativity from her. I also never got any praise or affection from both parents.
My childhood was sad and I felt rejected by my parents and like there was something wrong with me as a result.
I don't have any nice childhood memories to go back to.

You and I are family, as my "parents" never wanted me, called me "the mistake" and I so no where you are coming from.

Hugs to you, my good friend.

Walter

 

[Final_Choice]

My father abused my mom, my brother and I. He raped my mom, leading to her getting pregnant with me. After I was born he kept abusing us until she eventually separated with the help of my stepfather, thankfully my stepfather is actually a good person has never abused us. My mom, due to trauma, sometimes lashes out at me because I remind her of my biodad, nothing physical, but even though I have a contracting job she's made it so that I have to continue to be financially dependent on her and letting her have access to my bank so I don't leave after I'm done with college. She always apologizes after she does something drastic, but she still does it and refuses to get help because she "already went to therapy once before so she doesn't need it again." I don't blame her since it's due to my biological father's abuse, but wish she would get help so she realizes what she does sometimes.

 

[whywere]

My father abused my mom, my brother and I. He raped my mom, leading to her getting pregnant with me. After I was born he kept abusing us until she eventually separated with the help of my stepfather, thankfully my stepfather is actually a good person has never abused us. My mom, due to trauma, sometimes lashes out at me because I remind her of my biodad, nothing physical, but even though I have a contracting job she's made it so that I have to continue to be financially dependent on her and letting her have access to my bank so I don't leave after I'm done with college. She always apologizes after she does something drastic, but she still does it and refuses to get help because she "already went to therapy once before so she doesn't need it again." I don't blame her since it's due to my biological father's abuse, but wish she would get help so she realizes what she does sometimes.

You are such an intelligent and awesomely good-hearted person, made me cry reading this.

The world needs more people like you.


Walter

 

[penguinl0v3s]

My experiences with my family are so bad that hearing my mother's voice triggers my fear response and I can't even remember why.