dreamsofdestruction
Everywhere I look is chaos
- May 9, 2019
- 340
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i care very much. the thought of how it will affect my children is what has held me back. i worry that they will never understand and, even more, i worry that they will come to see suicide as somehow acceptable or right because i did it. suicide is the right thing for me, but it never will be for any of my children. they are good and smart and important and valuable -- not at all like me. i have inflicted nothing but sadness and suffering on them and my suicide is only to end the pain that i cause them.
Alchemist
Warlock
- Apr 3, 2019
- 709
Not at all because I'll be dead. Also my family won't ve upset for what I did but for what others will think of it.
Jon86
Specialist
- Apr 9, 2018
- 369
Yes, i've always had a good relationship with my family and seen them struggle with dignity through a whole hell of a lot of shit in their lives. They've always shown me respect and support so I can't help but have strong feelings of guilt. I genuinely believe without that guilt I would've been dead a decade ago. It's a burden though...one i'd rather not have considering i'm helplessly hopeless.
Robbyna
Student
- Mar 6, 2019
- 182
Yes, I struggle with how it will hurt my family, It's kind of torture imagining how upset they will be. But I can't live for them...
inconsequential
Enlightened
- Jun 1, 2019
- 1,011
I don't have a family left to care. This solves a few problems.
StillWaiting
Need cats to comfort me
- Jul 28, 2018
- 550
I wanted to. Until my dad told me I should earn money for the family instead of caring about my mental health.
Crystal Labeija
Experienced
- Jun 3, 2019
- 216
My family has been very supportive of me in these dark times. I absolutely care about them.
kappa
Experienced
- Apr 2, 2019
- 233
I don't care no. No relationship with any of them. I'd feel worse for coworkers or past coworkers to find out honestly.
I care a great deal even if they will never understand my position, but knowing that I'm really left with no other options at this point gives me some measure of solace
Maiden
Ars Moriendi
- Jul 25, 2019
- 12
I definitely care. All of my pain and sorrow and hopelessness won't die with me, I will bequeath it to them and I can't bring myself to do that. They've never been anything but loving and supportive, but they wouldn't understand. When I was younger I was too self-absorbed to think about them but now that I'm older I seem to feel the weight of that guilt much more.
Some days I wish I could be angry enough at my parents for bringing me into this shit world to stop caring how they'd feel... but it hasn't happened yet.
Some days I wish I could be angry enough at my parents for bringing me into this shit world to stop caring how they'd feel... but it hasn't happened yet.
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GinaIsReady
Exit Strategist
- Mar 29, 2019
- 995
Saga
In my memories a smiling me doesn't exist
- Jul 20, 2019
- 175
I can relate to this, so I dont care about them, they made me suffer and made me feel so useless my entire life that even in my future relationship it shows so I dont care and weirdly I want them to suffer so bad that they'd feel my pain, as for my cat they have him
and the only thing i want is for him to be safe and healthy
TrinTrinTram
Chaser Of Eternal Peace
- Jul 27, 2019
- 6
Hell no. They treated me like shit for 33 years. No way i would feel bad for them.
Certain friends yes... but not my family.
Certain friends yes... but not my family.
Beautifulletdown
Brightburn
- Jul 6, 2019
- 231
I can relate to this, so I dont care about them, they made me suffer and made me feel so useless my entire life that even in my future relationship it shows so I dont care and weirdly I want them to suffer so bad that they'd feel my pain, as for my cat they have him
It sounds like we are on the same path. As you, I want them to suffer as much as I have. I know about it showing up in future relationships so even that is screwed up. I just want it all to be over and done with. Just hope my cats will be taken care of the way they deserve.
They dont care about how I feel when I am alive why should I care about theirs after I die????!???!!!???
ExitTheDay
We fight to live or live to die
- May 26, 2019
- 336
My family has proven they dont care about me so no, I wouldn't care how they feel if I did CTB because they wouldn't dare to help me through possibly the worst moments in my life
Partial-Elf
Eternal Oblivion
- Dec 26, 2018
- 461
This is where I'm at. I keep stopping myself because I know that for my parents, it'll probably be the worst thing that ever happens to them in their lives. But I also know I can't live for decades more just to spare them that pain.
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
not_a_robot
"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
- May 30, 2019
- 2,121
My family are garbage. The only good ones are already dead.
Menschenfeind
—
- Jan 25, 2019
- 131
I've canceled the contact to every blood relative years ago. So: no family, no problem.
h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n
Member
- Jul 26, 2019
- 54
i don't really have family that i know. or talk to. or who isn't way worse off than me mentally and a waste of my time any way.
lilyeehaw
yeehaw?
- Jun 30, 2019
- 86
My mum, sister and a few friends are one of the only reason I'm still here. It sucks knowing how distraught there all going to be but I can't deal with this life anymore.
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Beautifulletdown
Brightburn
- Jul 6, 2019
- 231
I thought it was just me that has a family not showing up during the worst moments of my life. I use to believe in family very much but not anymore. I've been there for them and when I need help I've got no one.
not_a_robot
"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
- May 30, 2019
- 2,121
My family was not only present for the worst moments of my life, they actually deliberately caused most of them. They are always around if I need help; to make any situation infinitely worse with their monstrous, manipulative "love".
Help_Me
Gene pool mistake
- Oct 21, 2018
- 516
No, and I can explain why. Every time I think about my family, I just imagine being older when all my family members pass away and I am all alone, and it's like "finally I can ctb". There is no need to wait for their death of my own life is misery.
Dawn0071111
Hungry Ghost
- Dec 9, 2018
- 570
Yes, I sincerely care about how my family and friends would feel after I ctb (they would be devastated), which is why I'm thinking about leaving a suicide note. If I ultimately decide to leave a note, the main goal of the note would be to try and lessen the impact my ctb would have on my family and friends and provide closure.
Rukia
Enlightened
- Jun 3, 2019
- 1,078
I care so much that I wont CTB...And I thought I dont even like my parents...But maybe for my little brother...As I said sent him once "the center cannot hold anymore" and he replied, was interested....told him not to worry...
