Do you remember the first time you thought of suicide?

[Jiroscope]

I was 8-10 years old on Christmas day, and I tried to cause a friction fire with my hands on the carpet in my room . My dad was emotionally abusive, he never hit me but he would make our lives living hell. Then he would try and convince us that it was our fault. He decided to pull that shit on Christmas, which is normally one of the only days he was happy and not trying to hurt us, and it made me want to die.

 

[billie]

When I was 14 years old

 

[marudekinoumitai]

I honestly don't. I've been depressed since I was 12-13, and I think my suicidal ideation started gradually. I know I was 15 when I first started seriously considering it, and it's come in waves since then.

 

[Fish_Princess]

I was bullied in elementary and would always be sad whenever I was left alone at home, and would cry in my sleep.
I dont think I knew what suicide was back then but I do remember thinking about death and the darkness and just wishing I didnt exist.

 

[fleshgarden]

10 or 11.. I remember first being suicidal after finding out the concept of suicide in a book I was reading. I felt very seen and understood in my thoughts for the first time. I don't exactly remember my First thought but after that I had extreme bouts of them and wouldn't stop daydreaming about death

 

[melancholymallory03]

No

Do you remember the exact moment & what age you were?
I remember being 10-11 years old & looking at my closet & thinking of hanging myself. My childhood home was less than ideal to develop in & my family was beginning to fall apart at the seams. (Which was for the best anyway with thinking back on daily life & what I had to experience, but at that age it definitely felt like the end of the world irregardless of the trauma I was going through.) How about you?

 

[DyingToDie123]

I've said this on here a few times but I have journal entries from when I was 5 or 6 about wanting to die. I don't remember writing them though.

My first memory of thinking about suicide was - we were learning about mortal sins in 4th grade religion class (Catholic school), and they defined suicide (I had heard the term but didn't know what it was), and I was like, wow, that's a good idea, I want to do that. I went home and got in a fight with my mom some time later and told her she made me want to commit suicide and she said "don't say that." And yet we were all surprised when I turned out this way.

 

[Equilibrium]

6 years old. The exact thought was, "I would rather die than be a unsuccessful person for the rest of life slaving away and bringing more people into this shit life".

 

[NullSz00]

Can't remember exactly what age I was at that moment, but I think I was in high school.

A lot of things and changes were happening, in the end I was so overwhelmed that it completely changed the way I saw things, and it all went downhill from there.

Now, here I am.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i was around... 8 years old when i heard my sister's classmate had hanged herself and i've thought about that every day since then. the fact that you can take your own life is real? you can just do that? and life kept throwing more and more hurdles at me that i couldn't jump so that thought in the back of my mind became my only thought. just end it.

 

[bipbapbop]

Not sure when my first thought was, but I remember my first attempt. I was 8 and was digging thru my parents drawers and found a bunch of pills and just took a few handfuls of them and got into their bed to "sleep forever". I remember very distinctly that I wasn't in any sort of distress. I have no clue what triggered it.

 

[redeyepiranha]

I was 15-16 when I thought to myself: "What if I die? What if I kill myself?" Then it became daily like a snowball

 

[jbear824]

Yup. I was 7 years old. I walked to school that morning. When I got to the recess yard and saw all of the other kids either hanging out or playing with each other, I realized then that I no longer wanted to be a part of this world. And I have felt that way ever since. 26 years so far.

 

[passivethought121]

Introduced to the concept at 11 from a video game in which a bullied student hangs themselves. Around that time I started to ruminate about how annoying i was/every annoying thing I said/how disliked I am, and concluded that everyone would be better off without me, and I could be like that character. I also didn't think I would *die*, just wake up in a dark world all alone, but still alive. Edgy friends didn't help, and the bi-weekly sad session turned into a daily thought out of habit, then out of pernament depression. Though, my view of what happens in death and my motivations to die are different now.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

No but I had to be super young. Like maybe 7-10yrs? Hospitalized by age 12.

 

[mrelief82]

Yes at 37. After hypnosis.. it wasn't will to die, it was feeling like something was sucking me into black hole . Since then I'm not functioning and was fighting suicide my ex added to it but I'm loosing this battle, it been 5 years nearly

 

[LostinTime24]

15 or 16 realized I was just behind most of my peers and I was unlikely to find happiness