Discussion Do you ever break down when you finally are alone?

[Freedom Believer]

When the house is empty except for me usually I just break down and cry loudly. I stop when either I run out of tears or my dog starts licking away my tears and I start to laugh. Does that happen to anyone?

 

[gothfairy]

all the time, nearly every day

 

[Freedom Believer]

all the time, nearly every day

Yep, it hurts every time.

 

[issyishere]

I did it a few times but nowadays I just seem to lay in bed emotionless and just contemplating when I'll muster up the courage.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I can't cry. Haven't been able to for about a year. I have partial, 1/2 and full blown panic attacks when alone.....very often. (other than work, I'm always alone).

Then back to lethargic remorse, guilt, apathy, etc.

 

[Freedom Believer]

I did it a few times but nowadays I just seem to lay in bed emotionless and just contemplating when I'll muster up the courage.

I switch between the two. When I'm done doing one, I'm usually doing the other.

 

[Nem]

I'm screwed either way, have been in bed today for at least sixteen hours...I'm fucked
Peace/hugs

 

[Freedom Believer]

I'm screwed either way, have been in bed today for at least sixteen hours...I'm fucked
Peace/hugs

I've been like that for a while. I've just been in bed, unable to do anything but watch stuff on the computer and think about CTB.

 

[Fragile]

funny that you ask this, i just had a break down exactly as you described just half an hour ago. but without a pet to offer me any comfort.

this doesn't happen to often, but this time it was due to heavy stress because some family issues, just couldn't take it, i even broke a dish out of pure anger and it felt really cathartic.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Always. It's when I try and do most of my cutting as well.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I prance around nude eating everyones food and consuming all of their illicit substances... no I cry too, I just wanted to be positive about it.

 

[Carina]

I don't even have to be alone. It's why I have to distract myself almost non-stop, to prevent anything from being obvious. Easier to hide if you don't let on. I actually take advantage of times I'm alone to 'get it out of my system' so hopefully I won't if someone is around, not that it works.

 

[Freedom Believer]

funny that you ask this, i just had a break down exactly as you described just half an hour ago. but without a pet to offer me any comfort.

this doesn't happen to often, but this time it was due to heavy stress because some family issues, just couldn't take it, i even broke a dish out of pure anger and it felt really cathartic.

It hasn't happened to me today just yet, mostly because my dog is almost always by my side now giving me some comfort. I'm sorry about all the stress you're going through, hopefully your day gets better. If not, hopefully tomorrow is a better day for you.

Always. It's when I try and do most of my cutting as well.

I never had the courage to cut myself. If you don't mind me asking, does cutting make you feel better? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable.

I don't even have to be alone. It's why I have to distract myself almost non-stop, to prevent anything from being obvious. Easier to hide if you don't let on. I actually take advantage of times I'm alone to 'get it out of my system' so hopefully I won't if someone is around, not that it works.

Distracting sometimes helps, but even then the thoughts can creep in.

 

[Sensei]

I can't do that anymore, but I wish I could. I had a hellish mixed episode almost two years ago and a complete meltdown. I cried hysterically, squirmed on the floor like an animal, and desired death more than I've ever desired anything in my life. Something broke in me then and I can't cry anymore.

 

[Jean4]

I can't do that anymore, but I wish I could. I had a hellish mixed episode almost two years ago and a complete meltdown. I cried hysterically, squirmed on the floor like an animal, and desired death more than I've ever desired anything in my life. Something broke in me then and I can't cry anymore.

Not any more. Your job is to make sure I don't do anything.... and I will if you aren't there ;)

 

[Freedom Believer]

Not any more. Your job is to make sure I don't do anything.... and I will if you aren't there ;)

I wish I could care for someone, instead of being a liability.

 

[Jean4]

I wish I could care for someone, instead of being a liability.

Well, since @Sensei dubbed me the forum's Queen, he can give you a title in my court. ;)

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

That's when my ctb thoughts get stronger. I regret not having done it last Saturday.

 

[Freedom Believer]

That's when my ctb thoughts get stronger. I regret not having done it last Saturday.

Well, since @Sensei dubbed me the forum's Queen, he can give you a title in my court. ;)

:D

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

I can't cry. Haven't been able to for about a year. I have partial, 1/2 and full blown panic attacks when alone.....very often. (other than work, I'm always alone).

Then back to lethargic remorse, guilt, apathy, etc.

This was me for years. Just periodically now.

 

[porfin1234]

Not as much anymore

Unfortunately even last year I would have random crying spells in my room and my roommate would hear it. It sucked lol really weird how much I would bawl my eyes out but was actually really really enjoying my life more than ever. I think I felt so stimulated by everything and would cry at the drop of a hat (from my God life is amazing weeping to I spilled my foundation on my white pants). I felt so goddamn alive last year I could burst

Ironically enough I would kill to go back to last year and am so numb from all the crap this past year.When it's something serious for some reason I don't react as much. I barely cried when my mom died.

Now I just get fits of rage.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

I never had the courage to cut myself. If you don't mind me asking, does cutting make you feel better?

I haven't been cutting in a while now but when I am it's because I get high on it. Some people do it to cancel out numbness. I do it to dampen emotions that are too intense.

 

[MysticPerception]

I haven't done it in a while but I used to do it every now and then. It's honestly a relief to just let the sadness wash over me and finally have it express itself properly instead of being bottled up. Last time I did it was when my cat I haven't had for a few years but did have for 10 years died. I still have some pictures of her I look at every now and then and feel the urge to cry but can't for some reason.

 

[Freedom Believer]

Not as much anymore

Unfortunately even last year I would have random crying spells in my room and my roommate would hear it. It sucked lol really weird how much I would bawl my eyes out but was actually really really enjoying my life more than ever. I think I felt so stimulated by everything and would cry at the drop of a hat (from my God life is amazing weeping to I spilled my foundation on my white pants). I felt so goddamn alive last year I could burst

Ironically enough I would kill to go back to last year and am so numb from all the crap this past year.When it's something serious for some reason I don't react as much. I barely cried when my mom died.

Now I just get fits of rage.

I've lost the ability to get very angry. I can only be fake happy or sad.

I haven't done it in a while but I used to do it every now and then. It's honestly a relief to just let the sadness wash over me and finally have it express itself properly instead of being bottled up. Last time I did it was when my cat I haven't had for a few years but did have for 10 years died. I still have some pictures of her I look at every now and then and feel the urge to cry but can't for some reason.

Sometimes it helps to let all out, but sometimes the feeling doesn't go away, only the tears do.

 

[NotMeant2B]

The same as @issyishere. I just lay in bed, with a defeated look in my face, sometimes the tears leak out and run down my face, getting the pillow a little wet.
When taking a shower, and feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts, I kneel down and rest my forehead on the floor, with my hands on the back of the head.

 

[Polly]

Always.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

No, I would need some power, inspiration or passion to breakdown. I have none of those anymore. I am too blank basically.

 

[Polly]

No, I would need some power, inspiration or passion to breakdown. I have none of those anymore. I am too blank basically.

well, yes, there are those times also.

 

[Freedom Believer]

The same as @issyishere. I just lay in bed, with a defeated look in my face, sometimes the tears leak out and run down my face, getting the pillow a little wet.
When taking a shower, and feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts, I kneel down and rest my forehead on the floor, with my hands on the back of the head.

It's all so tiring.

Always.

:(

 

[LMLN]

Yes. I scream and cry. My poor puppy does not know what to do. I have to hold it in all day long at work. It all comes out when I'm finally alone. :( How long can this torment go on? I just need to have peace. Life is just hell for me. :(