FF777
I am male..
- Jul 21, 2019
- 128
TL;DR: The deepest depression in my life was from my tinnitus (ear ringing), but after 2 years with it i finally naturally habituated to it even though i would have never believed it was possible at the time..
hello, I feel like i need to write a huge yap about my tinnitus experience so that other people that are going through the hellish nightmare can maybe find some solace.. during my teenage years to mid 20s i listened to headphones too loudly for too long, and i didn't realize i was causing slight damage to my ears over time.. i did notice things like, in the house i was living in at the time my friends could hear (from the living room) when the shower was on in an other part of the house but i couldn't hear it.. i didn't realize at the time that i was causing ear damage and i couldn't hear things as well as a normal person any more..
but then one day i took off my headphones after listening to music like usual, and i heard high-pitched ear-ringing.. i didn't even know what it was first or that it was possible to get permanent loud ear-ringing from listening to stuff too loudly; i thought the only damage you could get was loss of hearing..
so it threw me in to a nightmare and super super deep depression.. i tried every thing, just as all people with tinnitus try.. i tried different various methods that people on the tinnitus forums told about.. and i tried some pills from the stores.. a lot of the pills at the stores and stuff are just scams.. it's kind of sick that they know their products do nothing to reduce ear-ringing but they are making money off of them from people desperate to try any thing they can to make the nightmare ringing stop.. and i tried changing my diet etc.. you know people with tinnitus will try any thing possible to try to get the ringing to stop or subside..
the ringing wasn't even super loud compared to how loud other people have it, but then a few months later i stupidly went to a loud kind of party room thing with a lot of people and it was very loud from all the people laughing and partying, and my ears were more sensitive to damage from all the damage that i had done already.. i stupidly didn't wear earplugs in that place but i should have.. and so that caused my ears to REALLY ring loud, and i had multiple tones now, and cricket sounds, and some times other weird sounds.. and i had to protect my ears now from even medium-volume sounds..
every day i just sat and did nothing.. i was a zombie just sitting there listening to the ear ringing and feeling deep depression.. i don't know how i didn't CTB at that time.. it was a complete nightmare.. i lived with my mom at the time and so i didn't have to try to have a job at that time to make income..
i was on the tinnitus forums some times, and it is full of people wanting to die, and that included me.. and people have no idea the hell you are in with tinnitus if they don't have it very bad like you do.. the sound never fracks off and goes away, and it was affecting my sleep.. the ringing doesn't turn off ever.. i even heard it in dreams some times.. and some people use pink noise or white noise or ocean sounds etc to try to mask their tinnitus (especially when they sleep) but i couldn't even do that because my ears were so sensitive that constant sounds like that would bother my ears and just make the ringing louder.. so i just had to try to sleep every night when no help and it was a nightmare..
any way, here is the important part: after about 2 years of suffering like this, i finally habituated to it.. (i guess you could call that "getting used to it" if you really wanted to).. what that meant for me is that the normal volume of ear-ringing no longer bothered me.. it is still always there but i never notice it now unless i consciously try to listen for it.. and so i want to tell people that are suffering through tinnitus right now to keep trying to hand on for at least 2 years before you consider any thing drastic..
here is some semi-proof that it (usually always i think) gets better over time because you habituate to it...... if you go on to the tinnitus forums (which ever ones; i'm not thinking of any specifically), you'll notice there are kind of 2 types of people on there: one type is panicked and desperate and living in a nightmare but you'll notice that they haven't usually had tinnitus for very long (under 2 years usually).. and the other type is where they have had tinnitus for a long time but it doesn't bother them any more..
when you are panicked on the forums and checking to see if the ear-ringing every goes away and then you see people say they have had it for years or decades it kind of terrifies you because you are thinking "oh god i'm never going to get rid of this nightmare ringing sound".. but those people that have had it for a long time have habituated to it, and so it doesn't bother them any more..
now at this junction you might be thinking "there is NO POSSIBLE WAY i can ever get used to this loud ringing!", and that is what every one thinks at the time.. and even for my self back then, there is no possible way any one could ever convince me that i would "get used" to these loud nightmare sounds.. but here is the important part: when you habituate to it, it FEELS like it is getting quieter.. i'm not sure whether (objectively) it really is or not, but SUBJECTIVELY it DOES get quieter.. And so that's what it felt like when i finally started to habituate to it.. it FEELS like the noise isn't as loud any more, and i don't even ever notice it any more ever.. for all intents and purposes it might as well be completely gone..
but my situation is worse than most people suffering from tinnitus.. i actually damaged my ear-cells inside of my ears so much that they are very sensitive now and so i still always have to protect my ears with earplugs all the time.. even showering, or running the window air-cooler unit, or even just driving on roads in my car (the tire sounds on the road from other cars are too loud for me) etc.. it's hard for me to listen to music very loudly any more either, which sucks.. if i don't protect my ears good enough they can easily be damaged further.. and also even when they aren't damaged more, hearing medium or loud noise for too long makes my ear-ringing loud enough to where it DOES start to bother me again, but the ear-ringing goes back to normal level (the level at which i don't consciously notice it any more) with in a few hours or days..
but if you are a person that doesn't have sensitive ears like me, then once you habituate to the tinnitus your life should go back to pretty much normal again for the most part.. oh and, if your tinnitus is caused from an ear infection then your ear-cells definitely shouldn't be damaged like mine are.. they some times call the ear-cells "hairs" but it really isn't hair actually..
so, to people with severe tinnitus.... i know you are in this nightmare world now, and i had to live through it all my self.. and there is NO WAY i would ever believe in a million years that i would habituate to it, because i thought that habituating to it meant basically "just get used to it".. But in actuality, all you have to do is wait.. you don't have to actually actively try to do any thing besides just wait.. you don't have to "try to get used to it"; it just happens naturally over time.. in fact you would habituate to it eventually even if you didn't want to.. it is literally effortless (or that was my experience any way).. your brain automatically habituates to it over time.. i don't know why it takes so fracking long, but i think it seems to take around 2 years like it did for me.. and like i said, look at the tinnitus forums and you will usually see that any one that is super suffering hasn't really had it that long yet.. so do your life a favor and don't try any thing drastic quite yet..
although the down-side to "just waiting 2 years" is that you still have to deal with all that nightmare sound the entire time.. 2 years doesn't exactly fly by when you are super suffering in nightmare world constantly.. and i got really crappy sleep the entire time i was going through that.. but mark off the weeks on a calendar or some thing if that would help you cope with having to wait so long..
an other coping mechanism that might be handy for some people is letting your self know that an end to suffering is on the way eventually.. what i mean by that is, if you are really adamant about CTB over tinnitus, then move it down the calendar 2 years.. and that way you can tell your self "okay, if after this amount of time i still don't have relief from this tinnitus then i will allow my self to CTB", and that way you can ease your mind by telling it "either way my suffering is going to end", so that you don't feel trapped like you have to deal with it for ever, you know?.. but really you are going to most likely habituate to it like i did and not even have to CTB at all..
until you habituate to it you might try to find things to distract you a little from it.. nothing will completely distract you, but some times some things help a little, like talking to friends or playing video games or other projects or work you can find..
any way.. stay strong and know that i had to go through all the nightmare ringing crap that you are having to go through, and i made it out and the ringing feels to me like it isn't even there any more (unless i don't protect my ears well enough, then the ringing gets loud again for a few hours/days).. it will be a long road but eventually it should lead to being somewhat normal again, even though you probably don't believe it is possible at all.. just remember that there is nothing you have to actively try to do.. you don't have to try getting used to it (which is impossible to do any way before you've reached habituation).. all you have to do is wait and cope with it some how until you reach habituation.. it is a lond and difficult road, but i think there will be a light at the end just like there was for me, even though i would have never believed it in a million years until it happened.. give your self 2 years at least..
love and light..
hello, I feel like i need to write a huge yap about my tinnitus experience so that other people that are going through the hellish nightmare can maybe find some solace.. during my teenage years to mid 20s i listened to headphones too loudly for too long, and i didn't realize i was causing slight damage to my ears over time.. i did notice things like, in the house i was living in at the time my friends could hear (from the living room) when the shower was on in an other part of the house but i couldn't hear it.. i didn't realize at the time that i was causing ear damage and i couldn't hear things as well as a normal person any more..
but then one day i took off my headphones after listening to music like usual, and i heard high-pitched ear-ringing.. i didn't even know what it was first or that it was possible to get permanent loud ear-ringing from listening to stuff too loudly; i thought the only damage you could get was loss of hearing..
so it threw me in to a nightmare and super super deep depression.. i tried every thing, just as all people with tinnitus try.. i tried different various methods that people on the tinnitus forums told about.. and i tried some pills from the stores.. a lot of the pills at the stores and stuff are just scams.. it's kind of sick that they know their products do nothing to reduce ear-ringing but they are making money off of them from people desperate to try any thing they can to make the nightmare ringing stop.. and i tried changing my diet etc.. you know people with tinnitus will try any thing possible to try to get the ringing to stop or subside..
the ringing wasn't even super loud compared to how loud other people have it, but then a few months later i stupidly went to a loud kind of party room thing with a lot of people and it was very loud from all the people laughing and partying, and my ears were more sensitive to damage from all the damage that i had done already.. i stupidly didn't wear earplugs in that place but i should have.. and so that caused my ears to REALLY ring loud, and i had multiple tones now, and cricket sounds, and some times other weird sounds.. and i had to protect my ears now from even medium-volume sounds..
every day i just sat and did nothing.. i was a zombie just sitting there listening to the ear ringing and feeling deep depression.. i don't know how i didn't CTB at that time.. it was a complete nightmare.. i lived with my mom at the time and so i didn't have to try to have a job at that time to make income..
i was on the tinnitus forums some times, and it is full of people wanting to die, and that included me.. and people have no idea the hell you are in with tinnitus if they don't have it very bad like you do.. the sound never fracks off and goes away, and it was affecting my sleep.. the ringing doesn't turn off ever.. i even heard it in dreams some times.. and some people use pink noise or white noise or ocean sounds etc to try to mask their tinnitus (especially when they sleep) but i couldn't even do that because my ears were so sensitive that constant sounds like that would bother my ears and just make the ringing louder.. so i just had to try to sleep every night when no help and it was a nightmare..
any way, here is the important part: after about 2 years of suffering like this, i finally habituated to it.. (i guess you could call that "getting used to it" if you really wanted to).. what that meant for me is that the normal volume of ear-ringing no longer bothered me.. it is still always there but i never notice it now unless i consciously try to listen for it.. and so i want to tell people that are suffering through tinnitus right now to keep trying to hand on for at least 2 years before you consider any thing drastic..
here is some semi-proof that it (usually always i think) gets better over time because you habituate to it...... if you go on to the tinnitus forums (which ever ones; i'm not thinking of any specifically), you'll notice there are kind of 2 types of people on there: one type is panicked and desperate and living in a nightmare but you'll notice that they haven't usually had tinnitus for very long (under 2 years usually).. and the other type is where they have had tinnitus for a long time but it doesn't bother them any more..
when you are panicked on the forums and checking to see if the ear-ringing every goes away and then you see people say they have had it for years or decades it kind of terrifies you because you are thinking "oh god i'm never going to get rid of this nightmare ringing sound".. but those people that have had it for a long time have habituated to it, and so it doesn't bother them any more..
now at this junction you might be thinking "there is NO POSSIBLE WAY i can ever get used to this loud ringing!", and that is what every one thinks at the time.. and even for my self back then, there is no possible way any one could ever convince me that i would "get used" to these loud nightmare sounds.. but here is the important part: when you habituate to it, it FEELS like it is getting quieter.. i'm not sure whether (objectively) it really is or not, but SUBJECTIVELY it DOES get quieter.. And so that's what it felt like when i finally started to habituate to it.. it FEELS like the noise isn't as loud any more, and i don't even ever notice it any more ever.. for all intents and purposes it might as well be completely gone..
but my situation is worse than most people suffering from tinnitus.. i actually damaged my ear-cells inside of my ears so much that they are very sensitive now and so i still always have to protect my ears with earplugs all the time.. even showering, or running the window air-cooler unit, or even just driving on roads in my car (the tire sounds on the road from other cars are too loud for me) etc.. it's hard for me to listen to music very loudly any more either, which sucks.. if i don't protect my ears good enough they can easily be damaged further.. and also even when they aren't damaged more, hearing medium or loud noise for too long makes my ear-ringing loud enough to where it DOES start to bother me again, but the ear-ringing goes back to normal level (the level at which i don't consciously notice it any more) with in a few hours or days..
but if you are a person that doesn't have sensitive ears like me, then once you habituate to the tinnitus your life should go back to pretty much normal again for the most part.. oh and, if your tinnitus is caused from an ear infection then your ear-cells definitely shouldn't be damaged like mine are.. they some times call the ear-cells "hairs" but it really isn't hair actually..
so, to people with severe tinnitus.... i know you are in this nightmare world now, and i had to live through it all my self.. and there is NO WAY i would ever believe in a million years that i would habituate to it, because i thought that habituating to it meant basically "just get used to it".. But in actuality, all you have to do is wait.. you don't have to actually actively try to do any thing besides just wait.. you don't have to "try to get used to it"; it just happens naturally over time.. in fact you would habituate to it eventually even if you didn't want to.. it is literally effortless (or that was my experience any way).. your brain automatically habituates to it over time.. i don't know why it takes so fracking long, but i think it seems to take around 2 years like it did for me.. and like i said, look at the tinnitus forums and you will usually see that any one that is super suffering hasn't really had it that long yet.. so do your life a favor and don't try any thing drastic quite yet..
although the down-side to "just waiting 2 years" is that you still have to deal with all that nightmare sound the entire time.. 2 years doesn't exactly fly by when you are super suffering in nightmare world constantly.. and i got really crappy sleep the entire time i was going through that.. but mark off the weeks on a calendar or some thing if that would help you cope with having to wait so long..
an other coping mechanism that might be handy for some people is letting your self know that an end to suffering is on the way eventually.. what i mean by that is, if you are really adamant about CTB over tinnitus, then move it down the calendar 2 years.. and that way you can tell your self "okay, if after this amount of time i still don't have relief from this tinnitus then i will allow my self to CTB", and that way you can ease your mind by telling it "either way my suffering is going to end", so that you don't feel trapped like you have to deal with it for ever, you know?.. but really you are going to most likely habituate to it like i did and not even have to CTB at all..
until you habituate to it you might try to find things to distract you a little from it.. nothing will completely distract you, but some times some things help a little, like talking to friends or playing video games or other projects or work you can find..
any way.. stay strong and know that i had to go through all the nightmare ringing crap that you are having to go through, and i made it out and the ringing feels to me like it isn't even there any more (unless i don't protect my ears well enough, then the ringing gets loud again for a few hours/days).. it will be a long road but eventually it should lead to being somewhat normal again, even though you probably don't believe it is possible at all.. just remember that there is nothing you have to actively try to do.. you don't have to try getting used to it (which is impossible to do any way before you've reached habituation).. all you have to do is wait and cope with it some how until you reach habituation.. it is a lond and difficult road, but i think there will be a light at the end just like there was for me, even though i would have never believed it in a million years until it happened.. give your self 2 years at least..
love and light..
