Discussion Do you mourn the person you used to be before life got impossible?

[curiousbeing]

Please take a look at nuances: I don't mean something like terminal lucidity, like you suddenly want to watch all movies, read books, have love for life right before you start feeling suicidal again. Also, I don't mean you wish things were different and you started enjoying old hobbies, books, movies again... Not that you want to return to your former self.

All that said, do you mourn the person you used to be?

FOr example, I am crying as I am writing this, I am in a different room working on PC. My dog came, checked in on me and went away. Sure, I followed her to see if she needs anything. Nothing. SHe simply wanted to check in on me. I mourn the person I used to be. In the past I would play with her, walk her right after visit but now I don't care

It hurts. I am crying.

 

[bagel12]

i experience this feeling too. depression has taken away the things i used to like about myself. i feel guilty all the time. i know who i want to be but i cant muster up the energy or internal drive to be that person.

i hope that deep down that version of me still exists somewhere. i hope it will come back.

i am sorry that you feel this way too :( it is so painful. but don't be too hard on yourself, depression is not your fault.

when you get the chance, please give your dog a nice ear scratch or belly rub from me. i miss my childhood dog

 

[curiousbeing]

thanks for such a warm reply. At least, I can still smile. I hope one day I won't mourn my smiling. I hope it will remain

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a mixture for me. In some ways, more intense and active ideation has done me a favour. I used to be constantly worrying about work. Worrying I wasn't achieving enough. Worrying about my future. It's not like those worries are gone completely but- losing such a burning ambition and accompanying feeling of failure has been nice in some ways.

I miss having the motivation and basic level of fitness I had though. Life's much harder without those things.

In some ways, I haven't changed all that much. I can still enjoy stuff in life. I'm just sick of the need to work all the time to pay for all these things.

 

[itsgone2]

I mourn for the person i should have been

 

[perishsong]

I mourn for the person i should have been

This.

I feel sorrow thinking of what I could've been, every successful iteration - and by success, I mean more than mere monetary satisfaction. Instead, I'm a NEET that can't take care of itself, parasites on its partner and doesn't have the drive to do anything. It needn't have gone that wrong. It shouldn't have gone that wrong.

 

[peacebenow]

I mourn for all that has been taken away from me and that I have lost.

 

[DoomedDarkCircles]

I mourn the child I was before I started to become a dysfuncional human being. Also, I mourn who I could become

 

[instormdrains]

All the time I feel bad for ruining the past me life. I can point to the last year I was a normal person. Everything December 2023 is horrible

 

[kju]

I think I wish I could be the person I was before all that. Though I can barely remember them anymore, it'd be nice to be happy.

 

[curiousbeing]

Also, I mourn who I could become

Painful to read this

 

[SweetChariot]

I mourn myself when i actually was somewhat motivated to move in life, i would like to say i miss the times when i was so carefree about anything i just bedrot in my room for years but that person brought me to where i am today so i wish i'd kill him instead

I think I wish I could be the person I was before all that. Though I can barely remember them anymore, it'd be nice to be happy.

Unrelated to the thread but i love your Soyo pfp, big bandori fan here

 

[Fahrenheit Fox]

Please take a look at nuances: I don't mean something like terminal lucidity, like you suddenly want to watch all movies, read books, have love for life right before you start feeling suicidal again. Also, I don't mean you wish things were different and you started enjoying old hobbies, books, movies again... Not that you want to return to your former self.

All that said, do you mourn the person you used to be?

FOr example, I am crying as I am writing this, I am in a different room working on PC. My dog came, checked in on me and went away. Sure, I followed her to see if she needs anything. Nothing. SHe simply wanted to check in on me. I mourn the person I used to be. In the past I would play with her, walk her right after visit but now I don't care

It hurts. I am crying.

I do. I remember the joy I felt as a child, and the unity, and the love. However, a part of me was always this way, always broken/fractured. For example, one of my earliest memories was at 5 years old, making a promise to myself that I will end it eventually, because I knew exactly how things would pan out, even then.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

always mourning the loss of my desire to learn and grow as an individual

 

[Pluto]

 

[StupiderJuniper]

not much for me to mourn tbh, but i do mourn what i could've been had the circumstances been different. i'm technically in a better state and a "better" person than i was before which is nice ig.

 

[The Eternal One]

Yes, in so many ways.
I was a pure happy child full of all-encompassing love for literally everyone and everything, then a talented sincere artist and bright mind as a teenager.
Nowadays I'm a drain on society and a waste of resources.

 

[Kokonoe]

yes. i miss going to college. i miss competition. i miss traveling. i miss having community. i miss so many things. and i will never get any of it back now. now i just have nothing, and my future is hopeless. i'm going to suffer until i die.

 

[supremacyofdeath]

Well life has always been hard but I miss how unserious it used to be. I miss when I could do anything I wanted. I miss being me

 

[MAKE IT STOP!]

I mourn for what I should've had if life didn't become shit.

 

[inpainnosleep]

All the time. But I also distanced myself from everyone and everything I used to enjoy.

 

[starboy2k]

Nah worse.
I mourn the person I never became nor have the energy to become.