calixocat
I'm such an amazing person aren't I.
- Oct 29, 2025
- 11
I haven't been on here in a while in an attempt to "recover" but I doubt ive gotten any better.
These days I've met new people, started new hobbies, tried new things, discovered myself more, all of these which have made me so much happier, yet it all feels the same. I had my exams recently and quickly realised- life is way too hard for me , everyone Ive sought comfort from told me to "adapt" that life is gonna be hard anyways but I don't wanna do this anymore, i tried so hard to recover, i didn't do SH in a while too (partly cause I lost my blade) but also because I WANTED to get better. But it's so damm hard, nothings changed, it all feels the same now. The people I've met , they're the same as the past ones, they don't care about what I feel, the "new" friend group I'm in, the one I considered spending my life with, they still hurt me and don't care. Why does life do this to me? I tried getting better, i recovered, but it all fell anyways. Today was my sister's birthday, I haven't properly talked to her in a while and our conversations always end with her telling me to kill myself quicker, we used to have such a good bond , she used to talk about her ocs with me and stuff but it all went wrong somewhere. I honestly miss my old life more than this, i hate everything I've got currently, I'm not sure what would need to change to be better. Nowadays i barely think about life, i don't care about tommorow, the day after that, or any day at all, I'm simply drifting through life. I wanted to enjoy it , cherish it , I even planned everything I was gonna do in the future, I had some hope, but I lost it all. I'm not even too sure why. I'm gonna try CTB today , before I actually wanted to reincarnate but now I don't see any point in life, i work to get a better job , to get things I want , for what? Even if I reincarnate into a Isekai world, it's the same things over and over. I feel so stupid thinking life had some meaning, there's no point to it, why did I recieve consciousness, even now I don't feel that my feelings of despair mean anything. Nothing matters anymore, please just let me stop existing.
These days I've met new people, started new hobbies, tried new things, discovered myself more, all of these which have made me so much happier, yet it all feels the same. I had my exams recently and quickly realised- life is way too hard for me , everyone Ive sought comfort from told me to "adapt" that life is gonna be hard anyways but I don't wanna do this anymore, i tried so hard to recover, i didn't do SH in a while too (partly cause I lost my blade) but also because I WANTED to get better. But it's so damm hard, nothings changed, it all feels the same now. The people I've met , they're the same as the past ones, they don't care about what I feel, the "new" friend group I'm in, the one I considered spending my life with, they still hurt me and don't care. Why does life do this to me? I tried getting better, i recovered, but it all fell anyways. Today was my sister's birthday, I haven't properly talked to her in a while and our conversations always end with her telling me to kill myself quicker, we used to have such a good bond , she used to talk about her ocs with me and stuff but it all went wrong somewhere. I honestly miss my old life more than this, i hate everything I've got currently, I'm not sure what would need to change to be better. Nowadays i barely think about life, i don't care about tommorow, the day after that, or any day at all, I'm simply drifting through life. I wanted to enjoy it , cherish it , I even planned everything I was gonna do in the future, I had some hope, but I lost it all. I'm not even too sure why. I'm gonna try CTB today , before I actually wanted to reincarnate but now I don't see any point in life, i work to get a better job , to get things I want , for what? Even if I reincarnate into a Isekai world, it's the same things over and over. I feel so stupid thinking life had some meaning, there's no point to it, why did I recieve consciousness, even now I don't feel that my feelings of despair mean anything. Nothing matters anymore, please just let me stop existing.
