is there anything i can do anymore or should i accept the situation i'm in
there is so much that you can still do my friend
you don't have to "accept" anything
i've lost almost every meaningful thing in my life including my pets, my parents, all my friends, my house and every item in it and i'm slowly losing my boyfriend, i'm currently in a housing with mental health carers that is treated the same as a mental hospital without the hospital,
because of all of this i'm feeling extremely suicidal,
first of all i'm genuinely so so sorry to hear that all of this happened. i know that if i was in your situation too that it would hurt so so much, that it would be so painful ♥.
i am glad at least that you are able to see what the real causes of the pain here ♥. it's not your fault. you are a clear-minded and thoughtful person who is able to see what the causes of her pain are. it's not your fault that it feels inescapable right now <3. When we are in a situation with high stress, painful regrets, and distance from what we desire to be close to, it can be really fucking hard to just "figure out the right option" when we are trying to stay sane on top of it. in other words, it can be hard to cook when there's a spill over there and a fire over here. it can be harder to figure things out when we are under pressure ♥.
you are not the cause of your own pain ♥. rough things happened and you feel stripped of options. there are options to take in your situation outside of suicide
,
real options that
can reduce the pain,
and allow the deeper pains you feel to be soothed and healed in time to come.
[i feel] empty and lost and i don't know what to do, i feel as if almost everything is out of my control and i have nowhere to escape and nobody to help me and i just really don't know what to do,
<3<3 i've felt this too
. i know that i don't know what your pain is like right now, what it's like to feel in your body and mind at this very moment
. but i do know that these feelings are almost universal among suicidal people:'
- everything is out of control
- i have nowhere to escape
- nobody to help me
- i just really don't know what to do
these are emotions, that you are feeling right now for
real reasons ♥. it doesn't mean that things really are "forever fucked", but it does mean that you have experienced some serious pain, serious pain. your pain comes from causes that
can be understood, that
can be clearly identified, and that
can be soothed and healed
.
- everything is out of control
- "It is painful to be distanced from what I love. I want to control what happens in my life."
- i have nowhere to escape
- "It is painful to feel stuck in a rough place. I want to go where I want, to be able to go places that soothe me. I want escape and peace in my own life, escape from pain, escape from feeling restricted."
- nobody to help me
- "It fucking hurts to feel like no one cares what happens to me. I want people who care about me, who love me, who I love too; people who I benefit and am valued by. I want to benefit others and be valued. I wish I had people around me who cared, who I could express care for, too."
- i just really don't know what to do
- "It fucking hurts to be in a painful situation and have moments of overwhelm, and feel stripped of options to soothe my pain and heal and grow. I want to have real options at hand, things that can really make things feel better, that can give me opportunity to live how I actually want to live—to live in a better state, to live a life that feels more worth living than my struggles now."
i've been trying to think of so many ways to attempt except for the fact that my room gets checked and searched every hour and you're not allowed anything that could be deemed harmful does anyone have any advice for me or anything motivational, i'm aware life isn't all about love but that man was the most perfect person i could ever think of and he can't handle me anymore, which sucks considering he was my last line of hope, as silly as this all sounds
it's not silly at all <3<3<3. You feel pain because you have all these things going on in your life, with the fearful possibility of a breakup lingering over it all. if
I was in your situation, I would be in pain too <3<3.
I agree, there is more to life than romantic love; but when we have a deep relationship like that rupture… it just… I know it hurts. And you feeling pain from that is
not a personal flaw: it's your biology reacting to a painful circumstance. When we are physically injured, we feel pain; yes the pain slowly reduces as the wound heals, but it truly does hurt in that moment. When a
relationship is injured, we feel pain. That pain is felt by the same neurons that manage physical pain, inside the "anterior cingulate cortex". Your soul
can heal from this pain, and future love will absolutely soothe and heal those wounds, but I want you to be able to validate your own pain from the looming possibility of a breakup. That wound hurts, and it
can heal <3<3<3.
Moreover, there is no pain that does not cease periodically or at least decrease.
—Seneca, Letters on Ethics To Lucilius, Letter 78
is there anything i can do
realize your pain is coming from your
current circumstances. It is as if you have just endured several physical injuries. Right now the blood is flowing and you're just beginning to wipe things up, the bandages are still being applied. This is one of
the most painful moments of your current situation; and it
will get less painful from here <3.
You
can take active action when it comes to experiencing your emotions <3<3. There
are active interventions you can perform
on yourself when it comes to emotions. Even just stepping outside or washing the face with water, even simple stuff like deep breaths—I know this doesn't fix all your pain instantly, but it
can act as a real reducer of intense pain, in that very moment ♥. It's the equivalent of putting ice on a wound—it numbs the pain as the wound heals. It is possible to have both ice
and bandages too
<3.
And lastly.
You always have the power to decide how you engage with your emotions
.
You get to choose what you do in response to them
. You can choose to sit with your emotions when overwhelmed, and just try to feel them out and do something to soothe and relax as the pain washes over you. You can choose to think deeper about them, push them away, feel them out, drown them out, breathe through them, any way you desire ♥. And no matter what you feel, you are a beautiful and unique human being with intrinsic value. You are trying to figure out how to feel peace, even when you are under immense pressure with limited resources <3.
The desire to die, it can come from many things. Here are two core components of it.
- Feelings of thwarted agency
- Feelings of thwarted connection
When we feel we have lost control over
everything in our lives, when we feel we have lost the ability to influence what we experience—that is, when we feel unable to soothe our pain or cause ourself to feel good, we can feel like our agency has been thwarted. This perception is very influenced by past experiences, experience of us
trying to feel better, but not receiving any feedback that our actions matter.
When we feel a lack of stabilizing connection in our life, when we experience a lack of "kinetic activity" where people are actively giving us social feedback, making us feel connected to them, it is easy to feel like no one cares. This feeling can be felt quite intensely after a breakup. This feeling can even be felt
inside human connections too—when we do not receive enough feedback that makes us feel valued and truly appreciated.
This model of suicidal ideation is what psychologist Thomas Joiner (whose dad also died by suicide) expressed in his book
Why People Die By Suicide. It's really thoughtful and helped me understand what leads to people feeling suicidal, especially my own emotions, as well.
If you want more advice on direct pain reduction, then DBT "distress tolerance" techniques can be very useful ♥. Feel free to read clear info-sheets about those techniques here:
Download free DBT worksheets. Topics include emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, and more.
www.therapistaid.com
Feel 100% free to write anything you want to in this thread too ♥. You are not burdening anyone by talking about your problems here, you actually help other people who feel similar pain as you feel embraced, accompanied, validated. No matter how much pain you are in, there are people who will be able to truly understand the level of pain you are in, and treat you not with condemnation or scorn, but kindness and dignity, as you truly deserve.
you deserve dignity and respect, you deserve people who will really sit with you in your issues, and help you in your pain; and sometimes that means just spending time and hearing you out, making you feel heard and more understood. that matters too ♥.
i think there is something so beautiful in what youve said. not everyone here is in need for that one perfect "cure" to their desires of ctb. maybe some of us are just longing for someone to sit beside us in the ache. not to fix it, just to make it feel a little less endless. and maybe thats enough. maybe sometimes thats what survival really looks like.
i have been lucky enough to have made two wonderful connections on sasu. nothing too deep or dramatic, just soft places to land when the days feel too sharp. even if we are just talking music or shooting the shit, they are so special to me. sweet distractions that remind me im still human. still capable of laughing. still seen. just being able to talk with them has brought me real comfort, on the sad days, they make the weight feel lighter, even if only for a moment. they have no idea how much they have made me smile <3
theres something so rare and tender about finding people who dont flinch at your sadness. who stay. who make space for you without needing you to be okay all the time. and maybe sometimes, thats all we need. not a solution. just someone to walk with us through the quiet ruin.
so yes maybe the way forward isnt always in healing, but taking it day by day. holding each other close, even if only through a screen, and saying, im still here. and so are you.
not all those who wander are lost ♥
and one can be lost, and still end up finding new ways that did not seem visible or even possible before <3<3.
It always seems impossible, until it's done.
—Nelson Mandela
~
If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around a Substance-recovery halfway facility like Enfield MA's state-funded Ennet House, you will acquire many exotic new facts. […]
That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt.
That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness.
That no single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable.
i think that what you and i fear most,
@adventures, is the idea of feeling any unbearable emotion
forever; without pause, without soothing, without growth, without change—and, even more painfully, without company, without care, and without love, too. but it is possible for our pain to recede and even pause; for it to be soothed and even heal; and for it to change, and even be embraced by other people, too <3.
thankfully for you and i, change
is possible. we
can be soothed ♥. we
can soothe our own souls even, right now, and in the future, too
.
i know that all of this pain and pressure you feel right now can't all be evaporated in a single deep breath.
i know it feels so fucking painful to be in pain, and want to know what to do, and feel lost in that; to WANT to do SOMETHING,
ANYTHING, and
still feel a lack of available options. to find ourselves humming in our soul the exhausted yet honest refrain that Lou Reed sings over and over again in his song
Heroin:
And I guess that I just don't know
it's okay to feel confused; it doesn't mean we are stupid or dumb, it means that we just feel pain from not having available options within our current knowledge ♥. maybe we
do truly have available and
real options—perhaps even ones that we would recall if something inspired us to think of them again—it is truly tenable to believe for you and me that there
are real ways out, outside of what we can see right now, in this very moment ♥.
beyond this current moment.
is there anything i can do anymore
yes. try to find people who will can listen carefully to your pain and truly be there
with you; people who will not treat you harshly, but with the grace and humanity you deserve and that i deserve too.
are there any people in your housing project whom you vibe with? ♥ any of them you feel safe being around? perhaps even safe talking to deeply about your own pains too? it's ok if there aren't any right now <3 ~ there are ways to find people, new people, who will be able to be with you in ways that truly can reduce your pain <3<3<3.
finding new people to talk with and share your pain with will seriously soothe the pain that you have felt from losing your previous connections <3<3. it is possible to connect again. it is possible to love again
.
so I'll try loving again
and you'll try living alone
and we'll meet at the end of this lifetime
and compare notes
—
The Gun Song, Car Seat Headrest
new connections will both help soothe in the short-term the truly grievous pain you feel from losing so many of your previous connections, so much of your personal connectedness and the security and stability you felt from that—as well as soothe and heal in the long-term, by both building new social fabric to embrace your soul in, as well as help you in the long-term process the pain and memories remaining from all of these experiences as well. it will take time for that new social fabric to take form. it is possible. it is something that can be good to look forward to ♥. you are a human being with inherent value and there are people in this world who truly will love you for just doing what you do, for loving what you love, and for just existing as who you are,
@adventures .
i wish you the best of luck in all the healing and love and connection to come
most sincerely,
—flow
~
.
