Venting No privacy

[jarin2]

The one and only reason I'm not hanging myself (full suspension) is because my sister lives with me in the same room all the time. I'm too socially anxious to do it outside.
Or even in the other rooms of our house. And everybody is always in the house and they're light sleeper. I wanna at least have a full night privacy where I can do it in peace relaxing and calming way. Someone might calling, knocking, banging on the door in the middle of it stresses me out soo much.

It's so frustrating. I cry every single day when I wake up, when I'm in the shower. Why do I wake up. Why. Why can it just end. Everyday I wake up and the suffocating dread of being alive claws at me. I just want it to be over.

I'm 24. I've been suicidal for 9 years. I have attempted 4 times. Rat poison, overdosing on high blood pressure pills and partial hanging twice.
Family doesn't know these. I acted like I had very bad food poisoning, I don't want anyone to know anything be
fore

 

[fadedghost]

The one and only reason I'm not hanging myself (full suspension) is because my sister lives with me in the same room all the time. I'm too socially anxious to do it outside.
Or even in the other rooms of our house. And everybody is always in the house and they're light sleeper. I wanna at least have a full night privacy where I can do it in peace relaxing and calming way. Someone might calling, knocking, banging on the door in the middle of it stresses me out soo much.

It's so frustrating. I cry every single day when I wake up, when I'm in the shower. Why do I wake up. Why. Why can it just end. Everyday I wake up and the suffocating dread of being alive claws at me. I just want it to be over.

I'm 24. I've been suicidal for 9 years. I have attempted 4 times. Rat poison, overdosing on high blood pressure pills and partial hanging twice.
Family doesn't know these. I acted like I had very bad food poisoning, I don't want anyone to know anything be
fore

Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Is there a reason you are so sad, or are you just this way?

 

[jarin2]

Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Is there a reason you are so sad, or are you just this way?

0 confidence, sevear social anxiety, I feel sick to go outside unless it's absolutely necessary like exams. physically weak since birth. Poor family. Atheist but have to act to do all the religious work bcs of religious family.

They want me to get a job. I can't do it, I can barely function passively. I'm living passively, distracting myself with internet for a long time. Only studying before exam. Getting the worst result in my class. Lying to my parents about result. Lying about studying for job preparation

The only time I'm not distracted when I wake up and when I'm in the shower. That's when I break down.

 

[fadedghost]

0 confidence, sevear social anxiety, I feel sick to go outside unless it's absolutely necessary like exams. physically weak since birth. Poor family. Atheist but have to act to do all the religious work bcs of religious family.

They want me to get a job. I can't do it, I can barely function passively. I'm living passively, distracting myself with internet for a long time. Only studying before exam. Getting the worst result in my class. Lying to my parents about result. Lying about studying for job preparation

The only time I'm not distracted when I wake up and when I'm in the shower. That's when I break down.

I'm sorry, that's rough. Sometimes people use aversion therapy to deal with anxiety. But I don't know if that would help. Sometimes remote jobs help if you are concerned about social anxiety and enduring working.

 

[jarin2]

Not for loser like me. Anyway thanks for listening. It means a lot

 

[makotoyuki]

I get it; I don't even have a bedroom.

I've been sleeping wherever I can in the house since I was 16 or 17 basically due to a lack of space.

For years, I've slept in the living room; I've even slept on the floor or the sofa. Luckily, these days I have a bed or something like one, anyway.

I tried doing it twice...

It just gave me a headache and a stomachache; I didn't tell anyone.

Not even having your own space being unable to have privacy or intimacy, or to do what you enjoy in peace breaks you down and causes extreme frustration.

I've come to accept that no matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, I won't be able to get out of there.

I have to wait until nightfall to truly be myself to listen to music, wallow in feeling bad, or even just stare at the ceiling in the dark; it's frustrating.

 

[jarin2]

I get it; I don't even have a bedroom.

I've been sleeping wherever I can in the house since I was 16 or 17 basically due to a lack of space.

For years, I've slept in the living room; I've even slept on the floor or the sofa. Luckily, these days I have a bed or something like one, anyway.

I tried doing it twice...

It just gave me a headache and a stomachache; I didn't tell anyone.

Not even having your own space being unable to have privacy or intimacy, or to do what you enjoy in peace breaks you down and causes extreme frustration.

I've come to accept that no matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, I won't be able to get out of there.

I have to wait until nightfall to truly be myself to listen to music, wallow in feeling bad, or even just stare at the ceiling in the dark; it's frustrating.

I get it; I don't even have a bedroom.

I've been sleeping wherever I can in the house since I was 16 or 17 basically due to a lack of space.

For years, I've slept in the living room; I've even slept on the floor or the sofa. Luckily, these days I have a bed or something like one, anyway.

I tried doing it twice...

It just gave me a headache and a stomachache; I didn't tell anyone.

Not even having your own space being unable to have privacy or intimacy, or to do what you enjoy in peace breaks you down and causes extreme frustration.

I've come to accept that no matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, I won't be able to get out of there.

I have to wait until nightfall to truly be myself to listen to music, wallow in feeling bad, or even just stare at the ceiling in the dark; it's frustrating.

Why did our parents gave birth to us. When they knew very well they don't have resources to give their child a good life. It's so disgustingly selfish.

 

[Pluto]

 

[jarin2]

B

bathroom doesn't have any celling anchor or any sturdy anchor for full suspension. I soo much wish it did.