Discussion Do you mourn the person you used to be before life got impossible?

[curiousbeing]

Please take a look at nuances: I don't mean something like terminal lucidity, like you suddenly want to watch all movies, read books, have love for life right before you start feeling suicidal again. Also, I don't mean you wish things were different and you started enjoying old hobbies, books, movies again... Not that you want to return to your former self.

All that said, do you mourn the person you used to be?

FOr example, I am crying as I am writing this, I am in a different room working on PC. My dog came, checked in on me and went away. Sure, I followed her to see if she needs anything. Nothing. SHe simply wanted to check in on me. I mourn the person I used to be. In the past I would play with her, walk her right after visit but now I don't care

It hurts. I am crying.

 

[bagel12]

i experience this feeling too. depression has taken away the things i used to like about myself. i feel guilty all the time. i know who i want to be but i cant muster up the energy or internal drive to be that person.

i hope that deep down that version of me still exists somewhere. i hope it will come back.

i am sorry that you feel this way too :( it is so painful. but don't be too hard on yourself, depression is not your fault.

when you get the chance, please give your dog a nice ear scratch or belly rub from me. i miss my childhood dog

 

[curiousbeing]

thanks for such a warm reply. At least, I can still smile. I hope one day I won't mourn my smiling. I hope it will remain

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a mixture for me. In some ways, more intense and active ideation has done me a favour. I used to be constantly worrying about work. Worrying I wasn't achieving enough. Worrying about my future. It's not like those worries are gone completely but- losing such a burning ambition and accompanying feeling of failure has been nice in some ways.

I miss having the motivation and basic level of fitness I had though. Life's much harder without those things.

In some ways, I haven't changed all that much. I can still enjoy stuff in life. I'm just sick of the need to work all the time to pay for all these things.

 

[itsgone2]

I mourn for the person i should have been