Dear Dad:

[Water-Lily]

What should I do?

I know my father works hard for me. To make sure we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and the ability to survive. However, I have also taken on a level responsibility I should not have to. And that is, catering to my families needs

This role of care taker derived from first being responsible for my moms feelings. She never validated my feelings. My dad wasn't around to protect me. So it was just me.

I had to protect my brother in ways my dad could not. That was my responsibility

With that this mentality affected my frinedships making them all painfully codependent. I was usually either taking care of someone or havng them take care of me. Both of which are not helathy

Which leads to today. The only responsibility I should have is going to school, job hunting, and taking care of myself. Though, I feel I am resppnsible for my family and my brothers needs

That stops today. I can learn to say "no" to my family. I can learn to not always be available to their every turn. I can learn to ignore/not give into my brother and ignore him when needed be. And learn to say no to my dad too

The biggest thing I want to change is getting my brother therapy. My dad and everyone else in my family should have done this. But I ended up ding it. Snd while they are happy, I am sad it had to be me to do it

I don't think this is intentional though. I don't think they mean to treat me as a caretaker. It just fell on me unsoncoiously.

But today I change. I put myself first. I will try to also get my brother help, but beyond that I am taiking care of myself

I hope you understand dad

 

[alice-in-wonderland]

Oooh, this is sooooooo great that you have come to this conclusion to put yourself first

 

[Water-Lily]

Oooh, this is sooooooo great that you have come to this conclusion to put yourself first

thank you! Yeah I am especially not gonna let my little bitch of a brother feel he can dominate me. He's really become an ass especially after our mom died. This is partly why I am pushing to get him help since I know no one will tbh

 

[bleakhouse]

I feel genuinely fucking proud of you. It took me years to understand that I was codependent, how my family relationships made me that way.

Saying no is key. Finding your inner voice and living for yourself is key.

 

[Water-Lily]

I feel genuinely fucking proud of you. It took me years to understand that I was codependent, how my family relationships made me that way.

Saying no is key. Finding your inner voice and living for yourself is key.

Yes indeed :)