choosing to live for now due to factory farming and family (blog post)

[no.factory.farms]

This is kind of like a personal blog post and probably is boring for most but I'm just gonna share my thoughts and a quick update on life. I have struggled with severe depression for years. Recently I've felt suicidal and it got especially bad last night when I was doing some research on factory farming on Reddit. I believe factory farming is incredibly inhumane, wrong, and sad, and it could definitely be avoided if the rich or the government would subsidize humane farming. I strongly believe overall human standard of living would rise, because the workers on the factory farms would have such better lives. But the capitalists and "economists" have convinced the average people otherwise.

If I CTB, I won't be able to help or change anything, especially factory farming, the messed up prison system, or the evils of capitalism for third world people, poor people, etc. Also, my family would be extremely depressed. I love my family and care about them a lot. Imagining my parents crying and being all depressed makes me not want to CTB.

I'm also just really scared of trying to obtain stuff and then getting caught. I don't think I would be that interested in SN, only N. SN does not seem so painless for all. I have had severe reactions to drugs my whole life and I think I would be one of the unlucky few to suffer intensely for 20+ minutes. I don't want to do that.

I've been having multivitamins and turmeric pills recently. I feel weirdly calm and content today after browsing this thread for hours late last night and chatting with someone from this forum.

I have BPD-like mood swings so I hope I can stay on this path. Quitting caffeine seems to be helping me a lot. I have been drinking lots of caffeine for years but recently quit caffeine after trying ADHD meds. I also quit the ADHD meds because they gave me too much social anxiety, but I'm considering getting a Focalin Rx filled for if I have bad days. Idk if it's a good idea though, since Focalin gave me social anxiety when I took it. I also just want to lose weight.

I have to go write an essay but I'm thankful for this forum and hope you all have a good day.

 

[no.factory.farms]

update: i feel like total shit again today and definitely want to ctb.

 

[no.factory.farms]

Update: my grammar on this was shit.

 

[todienomore]

Turmeric is good stuff, you might try a liposomal/phytosomal form for max bioavailability.

Check these threads out for some sustainable dopamine support, healing after stim use

submitted by sirsadalot

I was a WIMP before Anchor Arms. Now I'm a jerk, and everybody loves me!.

old.reddit.com

Look for his comments on low dose naltrexone, i think resetting endorphins something to consider after chronic stress and/or stim use. These things can crash dopamine production in parallel to endorphin production.

I really wish it werent true but all amphetamines are neurotoxic in the long term, you simply cant that much fun for free. This is coming from my pharmacist friend who is also a fan of them. Your're on the right track with things like turmeric/curcumin, but just realize there are no silver bullets, basically research any supplement/herb until you understand the reported side effects and their mechanisms. This especially important if you start combining them, you need to understand how they interact. For example with curcumin there might be issues with 5AR inhibition and acetylcholinesterase inhibition, I'm not sure.

Its good you're off caffeine, it really wears out the adrenals.

 

[no.factory.farms]

@todienomore

Thank you for the info! I'm back on low dose caffeine via green tea, but off all adhd meds. They definitely started to mess me up after a month so I quit and felt much better. What do you take?

Also, thank you for linking that profile. Their post titled "A fast track to learning pharmacology" is pretty interesting! I would link it but the formatting is all wrong when I try to.

 

[todienomore]

That redditor I linked previously sells some interesting stuff you might try, particularly Bromantane and maybe consider TAK653. There website is https://everychem.com/

Bromantane will help reset dopamine production after stimulant use. A little caffeine is ok, I like yerba mate myself, just take breaks if you find yourself 'chasing the dragon' with it, youre blowing out your adrenals. Also as hard as it is, try drinking it an hour or two after you wake up, as your cortisol is highest upon waking and you just spike it higher with caffeine if you dont give it a chance to drop.

One key thing I've learned about all supplements is take them in cycles. Even vitamins. Much less likely to run into issues and it can help you identify side effects that maybe you didnt connect to the supplements. For example I was eating a lot of black pepper for some time and its often in the curcumin/turmeric supplements because it changes the metabolism, makes it more bioavailable. Anyway the issue is that black pepper does this for way too many things, essentially impairing many major detox processes in the liver, so your body cant dump other stuff it needs to. I think I was making myself a little crazier because I was using a lot black pepper at every meal.

Mid morning sunlight is also critical for healthy neurotransmitter levels. Basically no glasses/contacts and as much bare skin as practical. Its a great first step toward circadian health, we simply arent meant to live in caves under all this blue light, our eyes locked to digital screens.

And reconsider what you use your brain for, 'dopamine fasting' for example is one way to frame the issue. Push the easy fixes away for a few weeks and examine the excuses you try and come up with, how your relationship with those things changes.

I also recommend taking long breaks from social media, it has you focused on large problems that you cant affect, and we simply arent wired to confront things like that. Before media, if there was a crisis, it was something right in front of us happening, in which we could create some type of resolution. Now we are being hit over the head with massive dramas everywhere we turn online.

Just pay close attention to the emotions that brought out of you any time are on any type of social media for a minute or two. Its often one extreme to the other-- something enraging followed by something amazingly happy/funny. Its not healthy to do that to our brains and we get hooked on chasing those highs. And if we start our day with that, we kinda blow our brains out figuratively, and arent really inclined to do much more with our day or focus on more difficult sources of satisfaction.

So I would say, stop thinking and take action with stuff that is right in front of you, in your local community. One of the best antidepressants I've ever found was gardening and small farming, maybe you could plug into something like that, get to also connect with healthy and happy animals? Other grounded people?

I also get a lot out of eastern philosophy, all the yogic stuff. There is nothing new under the sun in the human condition so its nice to fall back on all that wisdom. Its alot more than stretching once you scratch the surface.

The industrial farming stuff makes me pretty sad too, and the cruelty that pervades wild nature too unfortunately. I've been looking at it for a few decades and have no answers.

In terms of BPD, the Somatic Experiencing approach seems promising to me lately. https://www.reddit.com/r/SomaticExperiencing/


Sorry to rant, hope this helps

 

[no.factory.farms]

@todienomore Thanks very much for the info. What you said about social media is very insightful. Prozac has been helping me a lot with quitting my bad habits. Have you heard anything good/bad about Prozac? Also, have you tried Bromantane? If so, how did it make you feel?

 

[todienomore]

@todienomore Thanks very much for the info. What you said about social media is very insightful. Prozac has been helping me a lot with quitting my bad habits. Have you heard anything good/bad about Prozac? Also, have you tried Bromantane? If so, how did it make you feel?

I mean people trash ssri's in general but if its working i dont want to say anything too critical. Theres just general questions of why they stop working for many people eventually and the serotonin theory of depression in general. Ive known people that did not expect them to lose effectiveness and then they made poor life decisions when the crux of the issue was the medication not life events. worst case is that they are neurotoxic long term.

I like bromantane, its about as subtle as caffeine but its just upregulating dopamine production, which is relevant in the case of trauma or after using any type of stimulants. on paper it makes sense, its just maxxing out normal production.

Where in at in my research, im basically skeptical that excess serotonin or dopamine is healthy. In the short term theyre satisfying its just a question of sustainability. Maoi's, ssri's, stimulants are all fun, i just dont think they are a solution.

 

[Arrow]

If I CTB, I won't be able to help or change anything, especially factory farming, the messed up prison system, or the evils of capitalism for third world people, poor people, etc. Also, my family would be extremely depressed. I love my family and care about them a lot. Imagining my parents crying and being all depressed makes me not want to CTB.

I don't know how useful me saying this will be but whether or not you CTB there is pretty much nothing you can personally do to stop factory farming, or prison systems being corrupt, or capitalism.

Personally, I'm extremely concerned about the climate and climate change, and the fact that most of the south west United States is heading toward a permanent drought that will never end while temperatures are increasing extremely quickly has made me realize that tens of millions of people will suffer severely over the next few decades. The next century is going to be extremely bleak for a lot of people and societal collapse may be soon.

But I'm not choosing to live or die based on any of this because if I die everything will continue the exact same way, and if I live…everything will continue the exact same way. Climate change won't stop with or without me.

What I'm saying is you shouldn't worry about whether you CTB or not because of factory farms or capitalism, because no individual person can stop these kinds of things.

 

[no.factory.farms]

I don't know how useful me saying this will be but whether or not you CTB there is pretty much nothing you can personally do to stop factory farming, or prison systems being corrupt, or capitalism.

Personally, I'm extremely concerned about the climate and climate change, and the fact that most of the south west United States is heading toward a permanent drought that will never end while temperatures are increasing extremely quickly has made me realize that tens of millions of people will suffer severely over the next few decades. The next century is going to be extremely bleak for a lot of people and societal collapse may be soon.

But I'm not choosing to live or die based on any of this because if I die everything will continue the exact same way, and if I live…everything will continue the exact same way. Climate change won't stop with or without me.

What I'm saying is you shouldn't worry about whether you CTB or not because of factory farms or capitalism, because no individual person can stop these kinds of things.

The way I see it, even a little bit of difference means something in the grand scheme of things. If we all have the mentality that nothing we do matters, then nothing will ever change. I do agree it's not likely I would be able to make any big changes.