Story byebye thread [SN]

[2ndme]

Honestly, I'm a little creeped out by the fact that you wanted CTB in a tight spot. I wouldn't have had time to drink SN because I would have already been dead from a panic attack. I can't stand tight spaces :).
Of course, everyone has their own preferences.

Good luck and I wish you a smooth transition.

P.S: You are from Australia. Do you really need to use SN? After all, in your case, all you need to do is go outside and some random animal can kill you ;).

some of the happiest moments in my life, despite being plain, i just have really fond memories because it was in a cramped space or i was being squished xd.
i went to america for 3 months to visit fam back in december 2019, the flight there from AU was 15 hours (+ 2 other flights 3 hours each) and i loved the airplane white noise and being in a small seat. and we also drove from detroit to toronto, canada which took like 3 hours and me and my sisters were all squished in the car. they hated it but i loved it. i think i remember these very well because theyre more physical, and being in my room all day, i dont get much positive physical simulation (just sensory overload from being outside). it makes me irritated and its an ugly feeling. i hate it so much

i had to dodge magpies today to scout out the tunnel......... they dont attack much if you dont stray off the paths, but i had to and they were flying around me and landing by me and raising their wings and my legs were shaking x-x but its out of mating season for them right now so it wouldve really been strange for me to get swooped but i still felt like wearing a helmet

thanks for ur wishes <3

They should be grateful xD I'm also like that sometimes, but my friend spams me too so we're good xd

maybe. i only have like 2 frens but they cant keep up with me, and, given my suicide ideation with them lately its taken a toll on them i think

 

[Agon321]

some of the happiest moments in my life, despite being plain, i just have really fond memories because it was in a cramped space or i was being squished xd.
i went to america for 3 months to visit fam back in december 2019, the flight there from AU was 15 hours (+ 2 other flights 3 hours each) and i loved the airplane white noise and being in a small seat. and we also drove from detroit to toronto, canada which took like 3 hours and me and my sisters were all squished in the car. they hated it but i loved it. i think i remember these very well because theyre more physical, and being in my room all day, i dont get much positive physical simulation (just sensory overload from being outside). it makes me irritated and its an ugly feeling. i hate it so much

i had to dodge magpies today to scout out the tunnel......... they dont attack much if you dont stray off the paths, but i had to and they were flying around me and landing by me and raising their wings and my legs were shaking x-x but its out of mating season for them right now so it wouldve really been strange for me to get swooped but i still felt like wearing a helmet

thanks for ur wishes <3

maybe. i only have like 2 frens but they cant keep up with me, and, given my suicide ideation with them lately its taken a toll on them i think

It's nice that you have nice memories.

I also love white noise. I really can't sleep in silence, so while I sleep I listen to the sounds of a vacuum cleaner, dryer, airplane, etc. :)

What do you think about this fun?
When I look at this photo, I feel uncomfortable (random photo from the Internet)

 

[2ndme]

It's nice that you have nice memories.

I also love white noise. I really can't sleep in silence, so while I sleep I listen to the sounds of a vacuum cleaner, dryer, airplane, etc. :)

What do you think about this fun?
When I look at this photo, I feel uncomfortable (random photo from the Internet)

View attachment 134117

i cant look at this photo and similar ones and not think about dumb things like "this is my hole" (scary quote to google) and the story about the guy who died whilst in a position like this. it does make me feel uncomfortable factoring in that. i think i like being squished but i still like having bodily autonomy so it does sound unfun. like if i went cave diving, you cant just call it quits midway. you have to go all the way back and thats horrifying to me

 

[Agon321]

i cant look at this photo and similar ones and not think about dumb things like "this is my hole" (scary quote to google) and the story about the guy who died whilst in a position like this. it does make me feel uncomfortable factoring in that. i think i like being squished but i still like having bodily autonomy so it does sound unfun. like if i went cave diving, you cant just call it quits midway. you have to go all the way back and thats horrifying to me

Yep, I've read about this guy (probably).
I admire crazy people who enter such places of their own free will.
Their heaven is my hell.

Have you already chosen your place for CTB?
CTB in the forest or something like that sounds very nice.

 

[2ndme]

i'm sorry but i just noticed my messages aren't very easily translatable, since my typing style lacks grammar. i might try and write things twice (one easily translatable) for status updates around my attempt

Yep, I've read about this guy (probably).
I admire crazy people who enter such places of their own free will.
Their heaven is my hell.

Have you already chosen your place for CTB?
CTB in the forest or something like that sounds very nice.

ya it will be in a golf course (next to my house). there's lots of trees to be under in my area as well

 

[iloverachel]

Have you written or are you planning to write any notes before you leave

 

[2ndme]

Have you written or are you planning to write any notes before you leave

ive only told my 2 frens im attempting tonight, but nothing for my family. i have never opened up to any of them

 

[iloverachel]

ive only told my 2 frens im attempting tonight, but nothing for my family. i have never opened up to any of them

What was their reactions when you told them? Did they try and talk you out of it

 

[2ndme]

What was their reactions when you told them? Did they try and talk you out of it

my bestie tried initially when i was talking about it. he doesnt know im attempting tonight. yesterday he mentioned he wants to take a break with talking after i kept messaging him about every single detail of my life - which as of late was including me prepping for CTB. i message him constantly and it wasnt any different for this, so he got every detail of me faking a meto prescription, me buying the SN, thinking about my plain and similar things. hes not in a good spot mentally and he does care about me so its hard for him. in his "farewall" message he mentioned that we might ultimately be a net negative on each others lives, which is something i talked to him about a few weeks back, but he didnt agree with me back then because quote "[he] didn't have the guts"

i told my other friend whos still in contact me but doesnt know what to do and is asking me to not attempt. i feel nothing from it

 

[Agon321]

i'm sorry but i just noticed my messages aren't very easily translatable, since my typing style lacks grammar. i might try and write things twice (one easily translatable) for status updates around my attempt

ya it will be in a golf course (next to my house). there's lots of trees to be under in my area as well

Don't worry, everything is understandable.
My messages may not be understandable because I use an online translator.
There are certainly frequent mistakes


The golf course sounds good.
Just make sure no one will disturb you.

 

[bookie]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

hi, this is my goodbye thread~
i made a thread earlier regarding my method: plan review thread

reposting it:

1. no eating or drinking for 24 hours (im here!)
2. 1000mg paracetamol 0 minutes
3. 400mg ibuprofen 0 minutes
4. *20mg meto 45 minutes
5. take your time making the SN (*17g, 35ml of water, but add more if you need). make 2 cup!
6. SN 60 minutes

*lower-than-recommended doses because im small (45kg)

picture of the stuffs~

View attachment 134109 (if the SN wasnt obvious -w-)

im attempting in just shy of 6 hours and will try to document my experience here even if it is into the void

Thank you for documenting your process for us. May it be as peaceful and smooth as possible.

 

[2ndme]

i got changed and prepped my bag
it has:

• all the stuff for my regime in another plastic ziplock bag
• small kitchen scale to weigh the SN
• plastic cups
• spoon for mixing
• 2 bottle of water that both have plenty in it
• toiletries and stuff like hand sanitiser + baby wipes
• my government ID cards and stuff

i wanna bring a big towel as well since ill be on the grass and something for the scale to sit on but i will carry it.
its 21:37 rn and im aiming for a 00:00 start

 

[iloverachel]

i got changed and prepped my bag
it has:

• all the stuff for my regime in another plastic ziplock bag
• small kitchen scale to weigh the SN
• plastic cups
• spoon for mixing
• 2 bottle of water that both have plenty in it
• toiletries and stuff like hand sanitiser + baby wipes
• my government ID cards and stuff

i wanna bring a big towel as well since ill be on the grass and something for the scale to sit on but i will carry it.
its 21:37 rn and im aiming for a 00:00 start

Good luck and hope it is painless

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i hope you are able to find the peace you are searching for

 

[2ndme]

so far i have been awake for 20 hours. my stomach really hurts tho. i took 3 dexies today (15mg total spaced out 4 hours since waking up) per my ADHD medication. overall felt nothing but it could be a crash from it. kind of annoying t-t
i dont think it was a good idea to take but, i didnt wake up knowing my attempt would be tonight. i felt like it after a bit

Good luck and hope it is painless

i hope you are able to find the peace you are searching for

thank you both <3

i wish you all the best as well in everything!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck. I hope you have a safe journey and you find the peace you're searching for.

How much time is left? How do you feel?

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish for all going as you desire, and your finding peace and rest.

 

[rozeske]

Is the stomach pain form being hungry or..? Do you feel it could interfere with your attempt?

 

[2ndme]

Good luck. I hope you have a safe journey and you find the peace you're searching for.

How much time is left? How do you feel?

im feeling ok. when it comes to scary things i usually only get very anxious right before or as its happening. theres 2 hours lef~

Every good wish for all going as you desire, and your finding peace and rest.

thank u. im starting to feel tired lol t-t i hope the ibu & para doesnt knock me out

Is the stomach pain form being hungry or..? Do you feel it could interfere with your attempt?

its either im very hungry or its the dex or both. im not too fussed i think its fine

 

[CloudyNightSky]

i got changed and prepped my bag
it has:

• all the stuff for my regime in another plastic ziplock bag
• small kitchen scale to weigh the SN
• plastic cups
• spoon for mixing
• 2 bottle of water that both have plenty in it
• toiletries and stuff like hand sanitiser + baby wipes
• my government ID cards and stuff

i wanna bring a big towel as well since ill be on the grass and something for the scale to sit on but i will carry it.
its 21:37 rn and im aiming for a 00:00 start

Looks well prepared. It's around 1pm for me rn so I think I'll be there until you start. I hope your stomach isn't hurting too much, but when it hasn't got food in 20 hours I'd also complain. Is it already dark over there in Australia? Or still sunset

 

[2ndme]

im reinstalling windows on my PC now to delete my data, will switch to phone and its fully charged.
if anyones curious about the technical/online aspect, im keeping all my accounts active and only deleted ancient email accounts.
i have 2fa enabled on everything (TOTP secrets on my phone only). backup codes for each app (discord, gmail, etc.) written down in my diary and on a USB.
i use a password manager for everything (keepass) with a really strong password. the keepass-db is backed up to my google drive and i maintain a separate strong password for that google account.
i have a yubikey as well, but since only a few apps support it, its only on things like my google account and discord.

i feel safe that my accounts wont be compromised. saying that, my SaSu account here has zero 2fa

Looks well prepared. It's around 1pm for me rn so I think I'll be there until you start. I hope your stomach isn't hurting too much, but when it hasn't got food in 20 hours I'd also complain. Is it already dark over there in Australia? Or still sunset

thanks for being here <3 its already dark but fam's still up
im hungry. my fam picked the worst day to have pizza i wanna devour

 

[CloudyNightSky]

thanks for being here <3 its already dark but fam's still up

No problem. I'm sure you deserve that someone is by your side when you go <3 it's crazy that we're like on the other side of the planet but still can communicate so well. It's just like damn- fascinating

 

[2ndme]

No problem. I'm sure you deserve that someone is by your side when you go <3 it's crazy that we're like on the other side of the planet but still can communicate so well. It's just like damn- fascinating

ikr. internet is magic

 

[CloudyNightSky]

ikr. internet is magic

Fr bro you're replying so fast xd I feel like a snail man. But do you still have smth on your to do list before you yk? or is everything prepared and nothing left to do

 

[2ndme]

hehe im an internet person. im doing nothing except monitoring myself and scrolling here. im fully prepared and am just feeling very hungry. my stomach stopped hurting

 

[ranii118]

i hope u find the peace that u were looking for.

 

[2ndme]

there's 1h15m lef
some of my fam is still awake/falling asleep but they should be asleep by then

i hope u find the peace that u were looking for.

ty

 

[CloudyNightSky]

hehe im an internet person. im doing nothing except monitoring myself and scrolling here. im fully prepared and am just feeling very hungry. my stomach stopped hurting

At least your stomach isn't acting up anymore and I hope it stays that way. And that's one good thing. Yeah I think I'm also addicted to social media and all that shit, but still I'm a slow typer and one of my friends is always complaining about that -.- but English isn't even my first language so it takes a bit. But I'm pretty ok-good in English ig

 

[rozeske]

Glad to see your stomach isn't hurting anymore. I love how relaxed and calm you are about all this. I only wish I get to be this relaxed for my time.