heirofvoid
Member
- Dec 20, 2021
- 72
The answer is always "no". I don't get the courage to do it because I'm lacking on knowledge and preparations to make it successful. I always think I'll be gone in the next month but it never happens. Since I have that "Oh I'll be gone by next month anyway" mindset, I end up just making the worst decisions.
Right now I'm currently burning through my savings even though I need it to pay for my college expenses. I just resigned from my job a few weeks ago and I'm still waiting for the backpay. I figured I'll be able to save but being so stressed out for being rushed to immediately enroll in college again after I resigned, I felt the need to spend on food, merch, or just anything that will make me happy. I thought I deserved it for working hard but god I have so much to pay for in college since I had to transfer to a private one. I'm not even sure if I'll get my backpay after a month. I'm scared of depleting my savings and it's just the 2nd week of classes. I also have to pay for my sibling's college expenses as well. At this point you'd be telling me to get a job again and I do want to but I don't think I can. I will be risking not only my physical health but also my mental health. I was already so drained from my previous job and having to do that while studying in college? I think I'll have worse grades too. I don't want to apply for a scholarship because it means I have to do my best. I don't want to do that anymore, I'm just resuming my studies to get that stupid diploma.
I feel so fucking stressed I can't review properly for an exam tomorrow. Couple that with anxiety of having to report in front of the class. I haven't done that in years and it has always been nerve wracking to me. I also noticed my memory is a lot worse compared to when I was still in highschool. I was the top of my class and now I'm having a hard time remembering. For fuck's sake I'm only 23.
It doesn't help that I don't enjoy anything anymore and I'm just waking up each day to fulfill a role that my family wants. I don't have any other distractions or stress relievers from this since I don't have the motivation to do anything. Everything sucks and I really wish I can find a method soon as I still have my savings.
Right now I'm currently burning through my savings even though I need it to pay for my college expenses. I just resigned from my job a few weeks ago and I'm still waiting for the backpay. I figured I'll be able to save but being so stressed out for being rushed to immediately enroll in college again after I resigned, I felt the need to spend on food, merch, or just anything that will make me happy. I thought I deserved it for working hard but god I have so much to pay for in college since I had to transfer to a private one. I'm not even sure if I'll get my backpay after a month. I'm scared of depleting my savings and it's just the 2nd week of classes. I also have to pay for my sibling's college expenses as well. At this point you'd be telling me to get a job again and I do want to but I don't think I can. I will be risking not only my physical health but also my mental health. I was already so drained from my previous job and having to do that while studying in college? I think I'll have worse grades too. I don't want to apply for a scholarship because it means I have to do my best. I don't want to do that anymore, I'm just resuming my studies to get that stupid diploma.
I feel so fucking stressed I can't review properly for an exam tomorrow. Couple that with anxiety of having to report in front of the class. I haven't done that in years and it has always been nerve wracking to me. I also noticed my memory is a lot worse compared to when I was still in highschool. I was the top of my class and now I'm having a hard time remembering. For fuck's sake I'm only 23.
It doesn't help that I don't enjoy anything anymore and I'm just waking up each day to fulfill a role that my family wants. I don't have any other distractions or stress relievers from this since I don't have the motivation to do anything. Everything sucks and I really wish I can find a method soon as I still have my savings.
