Venting I can't stand my family's expectations anymore

[alreadyfound]

Ever since I was in kindergarten, everyone around me has expected me to achieve great success in life because I was a gifted kid. In particular, they told me to be a great lawyer or politician.

I finished my law degree, but during my studies I discovered that I have bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. I started seeing psychiatrists in secret, taking medication, and I even attempted suicide, but I begged the doctors not to tell my family, and they still don't know anything about it.

Now I have to prepare for the entrance exam for one of the most selective institutions in my country. Half of the presidents and prime ministers of recent years graduated from here and the admission rate is around 2%.

If I don't succeed, which is certain, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have any social connections or a network because I have crippling social anxiety, so I can't use contacts to work in politics ore anything. And I don't know what else I can do. I'm lost, and I just don't want to work. I'm only 22, and I've never had a break in my life to think about what I want to do.

I just can't stand to imagine how everyone will react when they realize I've failed. I don't have any savings, so if I blow my only chance, I'll have to take any job and for the rest of my life, people will remind me that I'm "wasted potential." I just want to escape this humiliation and the shitty life that awaits me afterward.

I wonder if I'll write in my note that it's their fault when I CTB.

 

[Secro]

Expectations from others are always a pain.

 

[findingpeace08]

Hey, i also suffereed a lot of expectations from my parents. Gladly, since i have two suicide attempts, they decrease it. It's horrible i understand you.

I think you should do what you feel it's the right choice for you, your life's philosophy.

I hope we all find happiness, wherever that is