I know I will not convince you but there is a young woman with a Youtube channel called Living well with schizophrenia. She is a very intelligent woman just like you and she talked about what she is going through when she is in psychosis.
Her videos reminded me of many of the themes you are going through, she also thinks that helicopters are following and watching her, she also thinks that she has microchips that can be used for mind control, when she was hospitalized, she didn't want to eat the hospital food as she was convinced that the whole medical team was in on it and they put things into the food to be used as mind control. She hears the voices same as you and she will even asume that her boyfriend is in on it and also being controlled. She doesn't trust anyone during these events, including doctors, and believes that they are trying to control her, observe her, make her do things. I forgot what else she said but essentially it had many of the same themes, including even the helicopters. She also gets very paranoid during these periods, turns off location services on her phone as she is afraid that she will be located (by her loved ones).
The helicopters especially stood out for me as it was something you have also mentioned.
I know that you think that all of this is real. But consider this. Every single person who is going through psychosis think that what they experience is real.
There is no way to convince them otherwise.
By the way, this young lady with the Youtube channel takes medication and with medication, and therapy, she can go 2-3 years without being hospitalizad for a psychotic episode.
I don't know if you have access to private healthcare in the UK, since NHS clearly failed you. Bit if you do, I would really experiement with starting an anti-psychotic medication under medical supervision, and see what happens. You have nothing to lose. If nothing changes, then you have not lost anything by trying.
And if the voices stop, then you can re-evaluate the situation.
And if you want to CTB after that, with no voices, that is your free choice, you can make an informed decision.
I would give anti-psychosis medication a try with a private doctor. If nothing else, just out of pure curiousity.
What would be your conclusion if the anti-psychotic medications stop the voices?
I know this young lady in the Youtube channel missed a dose of her medication and ended up hospitalized with a psychotic episode. Helicopters and all.
If you have access to private healthcare, I would try this. You have nothing to lose and you would gain some extra information.
The fact that public health failed you is not an indication of anything. I lived in the UK for 5 years, I needed spinal fusion, NHS said I was completely fine (even though I was almost wheelchair bound and in constant pain), after a few years I got private health, they did the fusion surgery a month later, 4 metallic screws, no more pain, I can walk miles and miles. And according to NHS, I was perfectly fine. So don't trust this blindly in the medical institution. If I didn't seek out private health, I would be in a wheelchair by now, or probably dead due to the incredible constant pain. I cannot tell you how much my life has changed after those 4 metal screws. I got my life back. Not thanks to NHS.
