30+ peer support thread.

[sancta-simplicitas]

Honestly, my shoulders started hurting randomly in the last month, I thought it was bc I was wearing a backpack but I've stopped and it still hurts sometimes even though I've not done any exertion lol. I must be getting old

Those pesky shoulders, I feel you! I recommend Tiger balm.

 

[Tesha]

Can I also suggest we link a couple of sub threads to this one. For example:

An 'I don't understand what that word means' sub thread for sharing the meaning of youth language.
A 'Name that Anime and its relevance' profile picture sub thread.
The 'More mature persons guide to using social media, what's hot, what's not' sub thread.
A subthread full of pre-written responses that can just be cut and paste, for the more common questions asked by our seemingly younger members.
And most importantly a 'I forgot what I was saying or where I left my car keys; can anyone help' discussion.

I appreciate I'm being completely ageist, but I'm hoping everyone in here will at least use language I'll understand to berate me.

 

[Dot]

And most importantly a 'I forgot what I was saying or where I left my car keys; can anyone help' discussion.

Slf hve bn speakng tht langug snce ws 19 y/o

 

[Ash]

Can we include emergency appeals for "never mind the keys: where did I park the bloody car?"

 

[AmericanMary]

Is there where we come to cope after being bullied at work for wearing skinny jeans & having a middle part?

 

[catnowmeowmeow]

Dont forget the ankle socks

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Can we include emergency appeals for "never mind the keys: where did I park the bloody car?"

"How to find your glasses 101: are you sure you aren't wearing them already?"

 

[Dot]

Can we include emergency appeals for "never mind the keys: where did I park the bloody car?"

Slf 1nce rportd vehcle stolen bcse hd 4rgttn whre hd parkd

 

[Dot]

"How to find your glasses 101: are you sure you aren't wearing them already?"

'R thy on ur hed'

 

[Zebulon]

I just turned 30 three weeks ago... Do I still qualify for this thread?

 

[Tesha]

I just turned 30 three weeks ago... Do I still qualify for this thread?

Do you have varicose veins yet? If not, then no.

 

[Zebulon]

Do you have varicose veins yet? If not, then no.

No. I've just gotten extremly fat

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

So real that I never needed glasses my whole life then when I went to check last year while I was 29 it turns out I do sort of need them. I mostly only wear them while driving at night or when I want to watch movies to get a free HD boost.

 

[rozeske]

Ok, this feels like a nice breath of fresh air for a change. Good call!

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Love this for us. Anyone else on a childfree path? This is no insult to anyone with children, trying etc.

 

[Raven2]

Can we include emergency appeals for "never mind the keys: where did I park the bloody car?"

I did this last week at the supermarket and literally panicked it has been stolen. Realised it was the other side of the parking lot

great idea to have an area for us over 30s

 

[ephemeralme]

Oooh have I found my tribe??? This thread feels reassuring

 

[Ash]

Love this for us. Anyone else on a childfree path? This is no insult to anyone with children, trying etc.

Yeah, just wasn't the right choice for me and the deterioration of my mental health confirmed it. As I always say, I love babies and kids, just couldn't eat a whole one.

 

[rozeske]

Anyone else on a childfree path?

not by choice I guess but probably the best outcome considering the fact that am here.

 

[Dot]

not by choice I guess but probably the best outcome considering the fact that am here.

Sme

Alwys wantd famly & lfe ws goin tht wy bt slf epsde thrw all of tht awy & wll nt b pssble nw

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I've never had any of those parental instincts, that I at least assume that people tend to have. Some friends have told me that they have this urge to have children that I just can't relate to. Which is probably for the better for a plethora of reasons; traumatization can be passed down genetically, I have a tendency to both dissociate and panic which could potentially be extremely harrowing for a child that's attuned to me and well... They wouldn't be allowed to see their grandmother.

 

[rozeske]

Sme

Alwys wantd famly & lfe ws goin tht wy bt slf epsde thrw all of tht awy & wll nt b pssble nw

Mostly I feel sad about how things turned out as it's always been my dream but I try to convince myself I would have ended up using them as a way to heal the inner child in me and suffocate them trying to be the type of parent I never had and all that. Being the worest parent or even being the same and repeating the cycle terrifies me most.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Can we include emergency appeals for "never mind the keys: where did I park the bloody car?"

What about 'where are my keys?' - oh, they're still in the door I just unlocked 5 mins ago to take the bins out...

Love this for us. Anyone else on a childfree path? This is no insult to anyone with children, trying etc.

It would seem so. Never felt adult enough to have strong feelings one way or another. Though persistent doubts about bringing someone into the world I keep seeing as a (mainly environmental) shitshow even from teens. Now mid 30s and always been single in terms of relationships, its pretty far off the cards now even if I did get a sudden urge/want.

 

[Ash]

I quite enjoy being the weird non auntie who turns up every now and again with inappropriate stories, extravagant gifts and doing things like taking kids to Pride events. I know my MH means I couldn't cope with the relentlessness of parenting, the noise and chaos and repetitiveness for starters, so I can at least have fun when I'm up for it and stay the hell away when I'm not, which is most days at the moment.

As for the keys, what about in the front door overnight after I came in from doing the shopping?

 

[davidtorez]

Love this for us. Anyone else on a childfree path? This is no insult to anyone with children, trying etc.

 

[mellie5]

I've never had any of those parental instincts, that I at least assume that people tend to have. Some friends have told me that they have this urge to have children that I just can't relate to. Which is probably for the better for a plethora of reasons; traumatization can be passed down genetically, I have a tendency to both dissociate and panic which could potentially be extremely harrowing for a child that's attuned to me and well... They wouldn't be allowed to see their grandmother.

Trans-generational transmission of trauma has been shown, in many academic studies, to exist. It is easy to see in the children and grandchildren of former concentration camp inmates, but it is not passed down genetically. Here are some relevant parts:

The people who actually survived will often display arterial hypertension, chronic pains, digestive complains and a lack of affect as well as depression and feelings of guilt. Ofc this is in addition to the classic PTSD symptoms.

Common symptoms in the second generation (the children) are role-switching (feeling to have been the actual victim) with additional feelings of guilt and shame. They see themselves as "living memorial candles" and act accordingly. They have a higher psychological vulnerability and higher dependence. Neuroses, anxiety, fears and personality disorders are more frequent if compared to the general population. A reduced general resilience to stress is also common.

The third generation often displays an increased fear of dangers with emotional coldness but striving to stay close to the parents. Eating disorders are frequently found with an underlying feeling of anger and regret. They are often unable to unlink the events of the Second World War to unrelated current events. Other frequent feelings are an increased sense of responsibility and of minimising and regarding their own problems as worthless.

Nonetheless, the third generation of concentration camp survivors, compared to their parents and the general population, displays a better aptitude for intergenerational dialogue and have a need to help other people. They are often politically active and engaged in human rights protection. They tend to be more thankful for what they have, more prone to heroism and positive pride. They can transform their vulnerability in a positive manner and are more unlikely to be directly subject to post-traumatic distress syndrome.

Laboratory findings include a higher cortisol level and cortisol enzymes, a genetically altered expression of mRNA and methylation of the FKBP5 gene.

(ok this last paragraph may not be interesting).

This is so you know.

However this is in concentration camp survivors, which is a BIG trauma for those who were there. Regarding an individual trauma, imho it would need to be properly assessed, but those general findings are spot-on. Note no studies yet on the 4th generation. There aren't many.

And since you might ask:
==============================
References:

Kahane-Nissenbaum, Exploring Intergenerational Transmission of Trauma in Third Generation Holocaust Survivors, University of Pennsylvania DSW Dissertations, Summer 6-23-2011

Kassai SC, Motta RW, An investigation of potential Holocaust-related secondary traumatization in the third generation. Int J Emerg Ment Health. 2006 Winter;8(1):35-47.

Martinu, Hedvika, Auswirkung des Holocaust auf die dritte Generation von Überlebenden, Brünn, Masaryk Universität, 2016

Scharf M., Mayseless Q., Disorganizing experiences in second- and third- generation holocaust survivors, Qual Health Res. 2011 Nov;21(11):1539-53. doi: 10.1177/1049732310393747. Epub 2010 Dec 28.

Nir, Bina, Transgenerational Transmission of Holocaust Trauma and Its Expressions in Literature, Genealogy 2018, 2(4), 49

Bowers M., Yehuda R., Intergenerational Transmission of Stress in Humans, Neuropsychopharmacology. 2016 Jan; 41(1): 232– 244.

Yehuda, R., et al., Holocaust Exposure Induced Intergenerational Effects on FKBP5 Methylation. Biological Psychiatry, 2016; 80 (5): 372

Folgelman, Eva, "Psychological Dynamics in the Lives of Third Generation Holocaust Survivors", The Hidden Child Vol. XVI (2008)

Kidron CA et al., Transmitted trauma as badge of honor: Phenomenological accounts of Holocaust descendant resilient vulnerability. Soc Sci Med. 2019 Oct;239

Zerach, G., Solomon Z., Low levels of posttraumatic stress symptoms and psychiatric symptomatology among third- generation Holocaust survivors whose fathers were war veterans. J Psychiatr Res. 2016 Feb

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Love this for us. Anyone else on a childfree path? This is no insult to anyone with children, trying etc.

Wish I could say the same. Every time I go on a soul searching spiritual journey alone to find myself and try to really understand what I want in life I either want a wife and kids or to simply end my life as soon as possible. I probably shouldn't be having kids for a myriad of reasons and yet they seem to be the only things I'd want to actually live for. How do you guys who are happy with never having kids do it?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've never had any of those parental instincts, that I at least assume that people tend to have.

I never had such instincts either and I never could imagine myself being a parent. Procreation isn't for me. Making the decision to produce children includes taking a lot of responsibility while nobody knows the future and whether those children will have a good and safe life or not.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Trans-generational transmission of trauma has been shown, in many academic studies, to exist. It is easy to see in the children and grandchildren of former concentration camp inmates, but it is not passed down genetically. Here are some relevant parts:

The people who actually survived will often display arterial hypertension, chronic pains, digestive complains and a lack of affect as well as depression and feelings of guilt. Ofc this is in addition to the classic PTSD symptoms.

Common symptoms in the second generation (the children) are role-switching (feeling to have been the actual victim) with additional feelings of guilt and shame. They see themselves as "living memorial candles" and act accordingly. They have a higher psychological vulnerability and higher dependence. Neuroses, anxiety, fears and personality disorders are more frequent if compared to the general population. A reduced general resilience to stress is also common.

The third generation often displays an increased fear of dangers with emotional coldness but striving to stay close to the parents. Eating disorders are frequently found with an underlying feeling of anger and regret. They are often unable to unlink the events of the Second World War to unrelated current events. Other frequent feelings are an increased sense of responsibility and of minimising and regarding their own problems as worthless.

Nonetheless, the third generation of concentration camp survivors, compared to their parents and the general population, displays a better aptitude for intergenerational dialogue and have a need to help other people. They are often politically active and engaged in human rights protection. They tend to be more thankful for what they have, more prone to heroism and positive pride. They can transform their vulnerability in a positive manner and are more unlikely to be directly subject to post-traumatic distress syndrome.

Laboratory findings include a higher cortisol level and cortisol enzymes, a genetically altered expression of mRNA and methylation of the FKBP5 gene.

(ok this last paragraph may not be interesting).

This is so you know.

However this is in concentration camp survivors, which is a BIG trauma for those who were there. Regarding an individual trauma, imho it would need to be properly assessed, but those general findings are spot-on. Note no studies yet on the 4th generation. There aren't many.

And since you might ask:
==============================
References:

Kahane-Nissenbaum, Exploring Intergenerational Transmission of Trauma in Third Generation Holocaust Survivors, University of Pennsylvania DSW Dissertations, Summer 6-23-2011

Kassai SC, Motta RW, An investigation of potential Holocaust-related secondary traumatization in the third generation. Int J Emerg Ment Health. 2006 Winter;8(1):35-47.

Martinu, Hedvika, Auswirkung des Holocaust auf die dritte Generation von Überlebenden, Brünn, Masaryk Universität, 2016

Scharf M., Mayseless Q., Disorganizing experiences in second- and third- generation holocaust survivors, Qual Health Res. 2011 Nov;21(11):1539-53. doi: 10.1177/1049732310393747. Epub 2010 Dec 28.

Nir, Bina, Transgenerational Transmission of Holocaust Trauma and Its Expressions in Literature, Genealogy 2018, 2(4), 49

Bowers M., Yehuda R., Intergenerational Transmission of Stress in Humans, Neuropsychopharmacology. 2016 Jan; 41(1): 232– 244.

Yehuda, R., et al., Holocaust Exposure Induced Intergenerational Effects on FKBP5 Methylation. Biological Psychiatry, 2016; 80 (5): 372

Folgelman, Eva, "Psychological Dynamics in the Lives of Third Generation Holocaust Survivors", The Hidden Child Vol. XVI (2008)

Kidron CA et al., Transmitted trauma as badge of honor: Phenomenological accounts of Holocaust descendant resilient vulnerability. Soc Sci Med. 2019 Oct;239

Zerach, G., Solomon Z., Low levels of posttraumatic stress symptoms and psychiatric symptomatology among third- generation Holocaust survivors whose fathers were war veterans. J Psychiatr Res. 2016 Feb

Thank you for sharing! I've done some reading on the matter myself (back when my brain still let me read longer bouts of text..) and my statement was regarding studies in rodents that were conditioned to exhibit a fear response by certain stimulus, to then have several generations of offspring getting exposed to the same stimulus without any prior interaction with it and exhibit the same fear response as their parents. Used to study ethology before life went to hell. There's also been evidence that show that offspring of traumatized mothers can be born with significantly lower levels of cortisol and therefore be more sensitive to spikes, thus less able to handle stressors and thus increase the risk of eventually developing PTSD.

 

[mellie5]

Well, these are not rodents :) I speak to them 6/7 days of the week, even the 90+ ones, who still remember. There isn't much to do than to listen. And when one hears the really gruesome things they have seen it does affect one. And yk after having heard them over and over, then "I am worried" seems such an insignificant thing. Unless I can't actually move and I need to call an ambulance I won't go to any doctor (see 3rd generation).

And world very bad. Imho you are not in places where "orcs" shoot at you and there are bits of irl friends around. But we all chose to come.

ok, I'll stop, I got carried away, sorry. If anyone needs anything just DM me and I'll see what I can do.