30+ peer support thread.

[Praestat_Mori]

Wish I could say the same. Every time I go on a soul searching spiritual journey alone to find myself and try to really understand what I want in life I either want a wife and kids or to simply end my life as soon as possible. I probably shouldn't be having kids for a myriad of reasons and yet they seem to be the only things I'd want to actually live for. How do you guys who are happy with never having kids do it?

I'm married but we never intended to procreate. I (we) don't miss anything. My mom misses that she didn't become a grandma. Having kids is a big responsibility and it also is a kind of losing freedom.

As I already have mentioned I never had the intention to procreate but having kids and procreating is a biological thing and instinct. Nobody can be blamed for following a natural instinct but humans have enough intelligence to consider whether it is really necessary or not.

Maybe I would have changed my mind if I had a guarantee that my kids (if I produced them) will have an even better life than I had but there was and there is no such guarantee.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm married but we never intended to procreate. I (we) don't miss anything. My mom misses that she didn't become a grandma. Having kids is a big responsibility and it also is a kind of losing freedom.

As I already have mentioned I never had the intention to procreate but having kids and procreating is a biological thing and instinct. Nobody can be blamed for following a natural instinct but humans have enough intelligence to consider whether it is really necessary or not.

Maybe I would have changed my mind if I had a guarantee that my kids (if I produced them) will have an even better life than I had but there was and there is no such guarantee.

Yeah, maybe if I were to get married I could just be happy with them and would want kids less although I feel like I might still regret it. If I had to stay alive I'd hate to become a bitter from being childless Old coot like lots of tv shows tend to have as an antagonist.

But maybe it's all just biological. It just feels like there's nothing else worth living for to me except for some future children of mine that don't even have a high chance of existing at this rate.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Wish I could say the same. Every time I go on a soul searching spiritual journey alone to find myself and try to really understand what I want in life I either want a wife and kids or to simply end my life as soon as possible. I probably shouldn't be having kids for a myriad of reasons and yet they seem to be the only things I'd want to actually live for. How do you guys who are happy with never having kids do it?

I've never had "maternal" feelings towards anything but animals. I knew I didn't want kids before 11 years old, knew I would never have them. No one believed me yet here I sit post 30 sayin TOLD YA. Please don't jump all over yourself if it's something you "think" you should most certainly have and don't understand why you don't. Look at your other relationships, that parent role pops up other places, maybe your dogs are really well trained because you're patient or you know how to anticipate your friend's sadness etc.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've never had "maternal" feelings towards anything but animals. I knew I didn't want kids before 11 years old, knew I would never have them. No one believed me yet here I sit post 30 sayin TOLD YA. Please don't jump all over yourself if it's something you "think" you should most certainly have and don't understand why you don't. Look at your other relationships, that parent role pops up other places, maybe your dogs are really well trained because you're patient or you know how to anticipate your friend's sadness etc.

I don't have pets sadly. I have always wanted kids ever since I was old enough to have memories. For me the parent role pops up with my adult sister who is severely autistic and nonverbal. I got burned out from basically having to fulfill the parent role for her because my mom is worse than me at dealing with some of her awful behaviors. I know it's weird that I still want children even though I got burnt out from having to be responsible for my sister but honestly the level of difficulty in caring for her just makes having a normal child seem so much better and easier in comparison. People say that I'm good and nice for helping take care of her but it's mainly just out of obligation and it's really depressing because I can't actually communicate with her and unlike with a child there's really no hope for her. Eventually we'll have to put her in some kind of group home and she will obviously hate it and she won't even understand why. At least with regular children there's a small amount of hope for the future and personal satisfaction that I was helpful in giving that future to them. I know it makes me selfish and cruel because my sister will never be able to show or even feel gratitude towards me but I can't help but want to feel like I have some kind of legacy that persists after I'm gone and I know that forcing a human being into existence is really the only practical way of doing that for most people.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

At long last, somewhere to discuss how my menopause is contributing to my suicidal ideation

Yes!
I'll bring the Sherry/ Port!

 

[Ash]

Hands up if you've gone out and not realised until you got home that you were wearing mismatched shoes. And it wasn't even a fashion statement.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I used to be a miss, now I'm a ma'am.

 

[rozeske]

Hands up if you've gone out and not realised until you got home that you were wearing mismatched shoes. And it wasn't even a fashion statement.

Oh my God! The walk of shame back to change was excruciatingly long

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Hands up if you've gone out and not realised until you got home that you were wearing mismatched shoes. And it wasn't even a fashion statement.

Not shoes for me yet but definitely socks plenty of times.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Hands up if you've gone out and not realised until you got home that you were wearing mismatched shoes. And it wasn't even a fashion statement.

Only realised during warm up that I had odd trainers on for a spin class...

 

[jbear824]

34 here. Support for what?

 

[spentspirit]

31 here. Anyone else just not want to live any more in their 30s and don't care about the rest of life?

 

[sadanon3]

36 years. I haven't wanted to be here for most of those.

 

[Disappointered]

I've been tormented for decades and there is nothing that I can do because there seems to be a supernatural element, like a curse, that systematically destroys everything I care about and frustrates every little goal I want to achieve.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

Love this for us. Anyone else on a childfree path? This is no insult to anyone with children, trying etc.

Yes. My "biological clock" never went off and the desire to have them never surfaced. Just don't see the appeal, and I don't like that women are generally expected to do most of the child-rearing and housekeeping while sacrificing their careers/interests to prioritize the family. Sucks though because childfree men are exceedingly rare which makes the prospect of dating even more difficult. In my experience with online childfree communities, it's like 90% women.

 

[Sulyya]

All I wanted was to fall in love, maybe have a baby maybe not. Doesn't seem like it will happen now. 37m...

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Anyone else never really manage to make a 'career' for themselves. I.e build up skills/experience in one area/business/trade/industry/environment/type of job?

My experience is of lots of temp/seasonal jobs and a couple of failed attempts at more 'stable' stuff, but thus also an envy and sense of failure when previously seeing the pay levels of peers of a similar age (we are now 10-15 years after uni). Though I also wouldn't be able to deal with the general responsibility that typically comes with promotion/higher pay. I lose it even when asked to buddy with a newbie and show them the ropes. Fine doing it in the moment, feel helpful, but soon over analyse and ruminate and doubt and run.

Does mean I have quite the back catalogue of previous lives and random experiences though. Another reason for isolating - ruins conversations where I'm like 'yea I've done this or that' to a ton of stuff.

Generally harder and harder to fit/'blend' into the seasonal jobs now. Questions get asked and its not a lifestyle that typically fits 'older' folk. Sticking out now.

Dead end where I tried retraining and feel like I've tried every option (private/public/charity, full time/part time/0 hours/seasonal, all sorts of sectors/industries). Just know that I'm best 'doing' rather than desk based. Although one of my office jobs wasn't too offensive.

 

[Dot]

Hands up if you've gone out and not realised until you got home that you were wearing mismatched shoes. And it wasn't even a fashion statement.

U kp mentnng thngs tht slf dd whn ws 21

 

[rozeske]

U kp mentnng thngs tht slf dd whn ws 21

I usually just go with "am an old soul".

 

[Ash]

U kp mentnng thngs tht slf dd whn ws 21

I've been waiting to be middle aged since I was about 8 years old

PS Stop making me laugh. What do you think this is, comedy hour on the wireless?

 

[FallingGrace]

A thread where someone doesn't complain about their mom making them do chores, and where we can talk about boring practical shit like law, insurance, POA and wills? Count me the fuck in!

 

[byebyeblondie]

This thread has made me smile, I have just turned 33.

 

[thanatos444]

Spent far too many of my 38 years in academia, only to burn out catastrophically early this year. I haven't the faintest idea what I'll do with my life now.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I'm happy to see this thread. I'm 46.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

Damn, you're all getting so old. It smells like bengay and a midlife crisis in here.

I guess that means it's time to party.

 

[HighFlight]

I remember my first TV remote control... it was hard wired to the TV. And watching VCRs required an engineering degree. Or having to hold the antenna in just the right position to get good reception.

BTW - I've been in my midlife crisis since 25 (now 56). It's only getting worse. But don't like Bengay so I down advil and Tylenol like candy.

But still up for partying with the right people.

 

[BrainShower]

Hello fellow olds. How are your pain levels today?

 

[Dot]

I'm happy to see this thread. I'm 46.

View attachment 146304

"Th/ weathr affectng visul tv qualty"

 

[Ash]

"Th/ weathr affectng visul tv qualty"

TV needs to warm up

 

[lizzywizzy09]

34. Don't want to see 35.