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idlelectra

idlelectra

Member
Mar 17, 2023
35
i'm sick and tired of always feeling like shit and nothing changing long term.
 
haikuu.

haikuu.

Member
Mar 16, 2023
8
Your main reason.
Be as concise as possible.
mine is Existence of Suffering
My life is set up to end up unhappy. Im from a conservative desi family, If i speak up- i get repressed. I have to have a kid and get into an arranged marrige, If im lgbtq- Ill get kicked out. I have to be a housewife. its much better to be dead Than be forced to live a terrible life.
 
watchdog

watchdog

watch-dog
Mar 24, 2023
45
Everyone I love and care for leaves me or I treat them like absolute shit.
 
nawee

nawee

nawee
Mar 19, 2023
42
The degeneracy of this world has affected me since I was 6 years old, I wasn't even able to be a child in peace without someone wanting a piece of me
 
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O

orca87

Mage
Mar 22, 2023
529
Never felt I belong somewhere, covered it up and got where I never dared to dream, everything collapsed, lost all hope
 
death's lover

death's lover

Member
Jan 14, 2023
42
I don't want to exist in this shitty universe filled with evil ,suffering and pro-lifers. Existence in itself is annoying and exhausting. Living is exhausting.
i just see no value in living, that's all
Are you a dazai kinnie?
 
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R

Regen

I stay in my power
Aug 20, 2020
351
No joy. I even cant feel joy when I look to my children.
 
amoonschizo

amoonschizo

ratlike
Mar 25, 2023
5
there's to much expected effort and standards to meet. I never asked for life and even after everything i've done there are still people who try to push me along and shame and show me nothing but cruelty. I have no friends and with that there are few moments where it's not miserable to be alive. i don't have the energy to make friends either.
 
E

Ended-up-Failing241

Member
Mar 2, 2023
18
I destroyed my life. I'm in medical school right now but the stress of it is too much. I became an alcoholic and probably die a painful slow death. I have never enjoyed life but now I am done with suffering be nearly 29 years old. I don't want to hurt my mother and father but I am too tired. My legacy will be one that hurt's the people he loves and who love him. I'm scum.

Not to get in beliefs, but I don't believe in a God or a Christ. But I wish the Christ existed. If only.
 
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L

Lig dom bás a fháil

New Member
Mar 18, 2023
1
Because I've been a, problem and a burden on others, and there's nothing causing me to want to die or to cut myself and I'm just causing issues over nothing, and even though my death will hurt others, they'll forget and move on and I'd stop being a problem for them.
 
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Galileo3630

Galileo3630

Tsundere
Mar 22, 2023
121
1) My father CTB'd when I was 3 and he did it by hanging because my mom was cheating with a different man right infront of him whilst he laid of the floor cold and drowning in his own tears. I feel disgusted and subhuman being born from such a mother.

2) I've been abused all my life and the only friend I have Is my current girlfriend of 4 almost 5 years.

3) I'm socially awkward and can't do anything to combat it because I know English better than my own Language, due to how much I hate Lithuanian, so whenever I talk to people, I tend to start speaking English instead of my native language and that completely fucks up the conversation because I can't muster up the correct words or form a proper sentence.

4) I have a stuttering issue, so not only do I struggle to form sentences, I also stutter a lot, and 90% of the people I talk to are impatient, so when I start to stutter and trip up they just cut me off and the conversation comes to an abrupt stop.

5) I over-all just don't look attractive, at least to myself. My girlfriend is a nice, thicccc quadruple C, goth girl, she's super pretty, nice, incredibly open-minded and smart, yet I somehow managed to "bag" her.

6) Personally, I'd say I've endured enough in 20 years of my life.

7) When I was younger, going back to my 2) point, my step-father would abuse my mother in front of me and my sister and all we could do was sit there hugging each other and crying while he kept beating her and screaming out for help, when the beating would be over, she'd come out of the room blaming me and my sister for not calling the cops, but we were simply too little to even know our home's address. Speaking of being beat, my mother wasn't the only victim, I was also being beat for the smallest of things, like when I was playing with my cousin and I was running across the hall, my step-father decided to open one of those little disk inserters for his DVD player and I ran and accidentally broke it, which by the way, was easily fixable if he would've just pushed it back inside. For such a mistake, I was mercilessly beat until I was gasping for air through my tears. Then there was an occurrence where I got mad at my sister and jokingly said that I should've sold her for cigs cause one time when me and my best friend were walking together these 2 old homeless people offered us to buy her for a pack of cigs and I obviously said no and walked away asap, but I don't remember why exactly, during the evening my sister angered me and I jokingly said that maybe I should've sold her for those cigs and laughed, but my sister took it literally and told my step-dad, which lead to him pinning me to the ground by my neck out of anger, I laid there for a solid 3 minutes in utter shock until my step-dad eventually told me that I can stop faking it and get up.

8) I was neglected all my life, when my mom left to go to Great Britain, I was left there with my step-dad, whilst my mom took our sister to go with her. So I was left there, 90% of the time spending it alone at home because my step-dad was away drinking, and I'd just be there, playing Turok, an old ps3 game. When I was around 15, I was self-harming a lot and when I talked to my aunt about it, even showing her pictures, my aunt got worried and told my mom right away, but the best my mom could do was just lift up my hoodie's sleeves and check and then tell me "You can't do that" with a worried expression and nothing else after that. When I asked her about it 1 or so years later, she said that she thought I was only doing it because of my step-dad being a dick and no, I wasn't doing it because of that, I was cutting myself because I wanted to hit an artery and hopefully bleed out.

9) I'm incredibly stupid, when it comes to real life, I'm severely unintelligent and I hated school for proving it to me and a daily basis, sure, I wasn't studying or doing any of my homework, but that was only because I already knew that even if I tried I'd get a bad grade, so I never tried, it got so bad that during my last year of highschool I only attended 13% of my classes, because I skipped almost all of them out of shear boredom and hatred for the education system. And now when I sit on TikTok, sometimes I get reminded that school didn't fail me, I just didn't try hard enough, yeah no. Fuck the Education system, I hate every single bit of it and the practice of it.

10) I'm a people's pleaser. And I can't help it.

There's a lot more to my sad life, but I've already typed so much so that my fingers are starting to cramp up, either way, life sucks and fuck the education system.
 
A

Alfarooq

Lifeless bastard almost making decision to CTB.
Mar 10, 2023
29
I have finally decided to make the decision to CTB. I would much appreciate if anyone would give me an assisted suicide method in the UK. I have let people down so much, I keep making mistakes, I am too dumb for this world, everyone around me is succeeding in life except for me, I will not make it in this world at all. I will never succeed or be able to do what I always wished to do. So what's the point of living? Life is for those who are able to make use of themselves. Those who have a good future in their life. Those people deserve to live. I don't. I have no motivation and no chance of success. It's not like I deserve to live anyway. This 6 months lasting depression is all my fault.
 
ptolemaea

ptolemaea

♱ Sweet, mourning lamb
Mar 27, 2023
47
i've had suicidal ideation since i was eight years old. i've tried countless forms of therapy and medication, with no improvement. i've since dropped out of school due to depression, and will likely never get my life back on track. i was born to an insane religious family, who would disown me if they ever found out i was an atheist. both my mother and my father beat me when i was a child, and i haven't seen my father in over seven years. i never had a chance of a happy life. the world is only getting worse. my anxiety, my depression, and my obsessive compulsive disorder leave me housebound. there is nothing worth living for. i have no friends, i have no family, and there is no chance anything will ever get better.
 
PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
ADHD/autism symptoms out of control + stress + trauma.
 
Viranamari

Viranamari

A Future Corpse
Feb 22, 2023
282
I've had suicidal ideations since I was 10 due to brain chemistry. While people said childhood is the best time in life, it never was for me. Not everyone wants to talk about taboo things like suicide so I never burdened anyone with my thoughts. Unfortunately, it got worse and worse and soon, I was more prone to mental health crises which left me more suicidal than ever. Few years passed and I learnt the hard way that for me at least, no freedom can be found while I exist which is why I'm even here on this forum. Unfortunately for me, suicide is a lot harder than it seems and I really envy those who managed to successfully do it.
 
arcadia

arcadia

.
Jan 5, 2023
139
I don't even know anymore, in the past I would list my grievances with life but it all feels so meaningless now. Not to sound like an edgelord, but i've rotted away so much these past few months to the point where everything just feels so meaningless. Like I can't justify why I want to die because that would mean that there's an inherent reason to live. i havent bathed in 2 months, i havent been eating properly and i sleep for either an hour or 12, nothing feels right. i havent gone out in two months, and i dont plan to. i dont want to socialise, stay by my lonesome, eat, starve, sleep, or stay awake. it's all just one giant contradiction that i know i should end and yet i'm still here. i'm a coward
 

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