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Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,163
This isn't directed to anyone. All I know is I have a problem with my anger. In that I am becoming more aware of when to stay back when angry, but end up lashing out at people over and over. Yet those people end up forgiving me. But I don't deserve it. I should be hated and thrown out. I am a toxic person
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,089
This isn't directed to anyone. All I know is I have a problem with my anger. In that I am becoming more aware of when to stay back when angry, but end up lashing out at people over and over. Yet those people end up forgiving me. But I don't deserve it. I should be hated and thrown out. I am a toxic person
I haven't seen you angry. You sound like you have a hard time of it is all.
 
BandAddict

BandAddict

Specialist
Apr 3, 2019
338
I think it's easier for others to see the good in us than for us to see it ourselves (of course there are always exceptions to this.) We tend to hyper-focus on things we view negatively about ourselves as though it undoes anything we've done that shows another side of our character. Do you want people to hate you? Or is it just something you expect? It sounds like (and I'm not trying to be too assumptive) you have understanding people in your life, who seem to judge you as whole, and not just based on temporary emotions that you feel.

Sending good vibes your way, and hoping you find more compassion/patience with yourself.
 
Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,163
I think it's easier for others to see the good in us than for us to see it ourselves (of course there are always exceptions to this.) We tend to hyper-focus on things we view negatively about ourselves as though it undoes anything we've done that shows another side of our character. Do you want people to hate you? Or is it just something you expect? It sounds like (and I'm not trying to be too assumptive) you have understanding people in your life, who seem to judge you as whole, and not just based on temporary emotions that you feel.

Sending good vibes your way, and hoping you find more compassion/patience with yourself.
you are right. mama people see me as whole, but I feel I deserve to be hated thanks to my late abusive mom
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,153
Well I'm not really sure if this is the type of answer you were hoping for but by any chance are you physically attractive?
That really tends to put a damper on negative feelings from others, no matter how you act out, their tolerance will be a thousand times higher than if the same behavior was displayed by someone who is harder on the eyes.
Simply a disgusting truth about humanity and I don't endorse it, but yea, could this possibly be something at play? (Unless you were referring to interactions on this site?) Maybe you don't display your anger as poorly as you think you do, or interact with people who are used to a dynamic where fights are frequent and forgiven...I know some families and friends can get away with that habit where others cannot, simply because it's what they're used to. The only other thing I can think of is if they somehow benefit from not engaging or reciprocating with their own anger, it's also possible they don't like your outbursts but keep their mouths shut about it for whatever reason.

I am a very bitter, miserable person and I also know I must either keep away from people, or find the energy to pose myself in a friendly (yet defensive) stance-which I hate, I do not like being "fake".
I have nothing that will temper anyone's reactions to my anger, so it's just another reason I isolate, and the more I suffer, the angrier I get. So I agree that usually people don't stick around when it comes to rage issues, or even the topic of an insufferable life. Perhaps, by some miracle, you surround yourself with compassionate people who let things slide because they know you are suffering..but that would be my last guess, knowing how human beings and society are in general.
 

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