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Manic Panic

Manic Panic

Deaths Embrace
Jan 5, 2025
730
I keep getting told that "Maybe it's because you don't want to actually go" or "It's not your time".
I've been struggling for over 10 years with these thoughts , I want to ctb more then anything else.
I've been struggling with scizophrenia and bpd for far to long .

Am I not trying hard enough or am I just to dumb to be able to do anything correctly?
I just need some form of advice
 
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Reactions: NeverHis and Forveleth
F

Forveleth

I knew I forgot to do something when I was 15...
Mar 26, 2024
2,286
First, do not feel bad. It is, genuinely, really hard to kill yourself. Your body is built for the sole purpose of survival.

As far as why you are failing, I can not give you a definitive answer but I can share some reasons I have seen:
  • Poorly planned method. Either the method itself is not a good one (OD on OTC meds) or you are performing the method incorrectly.
  • Not being comfortable with your method. It is a strange, foreign act which then makes you tense when you try to perform it and kicks in your SI.
  • Giving yourself a deadline. Setting a date puts extra pressure on yourself, again increasing anxiety and SI.
  • And, yes, not really being ready. While attempts take a bit of spontaneity, usually the people who succeed the most are ones who perform their attempt in some mood of calmness and a feeling of "readiness" to die.
Sorry I can not give you a more specific answer.
 
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Reactions: maniac116, une vie grotesque, Yonlux and 1 other person
ThatRussianDude

ThatRussianDude

**** yeah, give it to me this is Heaven.
Dec 16, 2024
94
I wonder how calm the benzos would make you when you'd know that you will soon die.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,666
I really understand just wanting to be gone, it sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I personally just see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be free from this existence, I wish there's the option to just simply die in a peaceful way, I suffer so much from how painless, guaranteed death isn't accessible for me as I just want to never exist ever again. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.
 
Manic Panic

Manic Panic

Deaths Embrace
Jan 5, 2025
730
I wonder how calm the benzos would make you when you'd know that you will soon die.
I wouldn't even know how to get any atm , I doubt I could get a prescription for it because I've been known to overdose.
 

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