I've never taken a decision

[N Seeker]

I'm so incapable of taking decisions. My writing sounds so stereotypical. I think I've never taken a single decision. I wish I could take this one. It's always been clear I'm not made for this world. I'll visit the psychiatrist but I know they won't solve anything. I've always felt fitting into this society is too hard, but I have probably internalized their silly rules even more than most people. I think of all the horrible outcomes of an action. I never feel I have taken a decision even when I do something. It probably doesn't matter since I can do stuff regardless of what I feel like, but I don't see myself just waking out one day and saying "Let's CTB today!", even though I feel there's little more than suffering to this life. Is it really possible to kill myself? I can only attempt it, I really have no control of the outcome. I don't know why we are trapped. I don't understand why people act like we're here because we want. There's so many spiritual schools, but I don't think any earthly being understands it.

 

[Kali06]

sadly no one is here because they want to, the only thing u can try is to fit into this world... i feel u tho, sometimes life feels asif you;re living it for others and not urself. but you CAN make decisions, just like u decided to write this post u can decide to do alot of things :) i hope u can change your mindset and enjoy the things in life, even in suffering there can be beauty