not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
If I were stronger I would have ended it by now. :(
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If I were stronger I would have ended it by now. :(
It's a totally justified opinion but ultimately I'm thinking of my girlfriend first rather than someone that doesn't exist yet. My problems with the world play second fiddle to my problems with myself
StarDust
Mage
- Aug 21, 2018
- 508
I know you want to put yourself down but in the end living takes a lot more will power than ending it.... believe me
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
No problem … I just wanted to point out that bringing a life into this world even in the best of situations … family or not the child may not want to be here when it gets old enough to think for itself either.
I have a good family although poor and I will always be poor unless I win the lottery I resent them for bringing me into this world.
I still love them but I wish they hadn't thought it was their religious duty to have me.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
I long for the day when my willpower finally gives out and I ctb to be free.
StarDust
Mage
- Aug 21, 2018
- 508
We all do, sweetie and it's okay....one day we will all be ready for that moment...whether we are as old as we are or older.... HUGS
I had a good start in life, didn't fuck it up until I was 18. There's no way she'll let that child do what I did
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
Sometimes after a long day at work I'm ready to ctb … actually I would be better off ctb before work. ;)
I guess I'm ready every day but work makes me want to ctb even more.
The chance of failure, the afterlife if it exists and what it would be like or becoming a ghost, and the love for my girlfriend.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
There's no way to keep a child from doing what it want's to eventually. ;)
It will eventually be able to fuck up it's life all on it's own.
Well then there's nothing I can do about it anyway. I'm not going to not have it to avoid hypothetical scenarios
Susannah
Mage
- Jul 2, 2018
- 530
1: Because of my 13y old son, a wonderful guy.
2: Fear, of pain, of failing. Of what comes next.
2: Fear, of pain, of failing. Of what comes next.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
No prob … I just was hoping you considered the life you would be bringing into this world.
Also your girlfriend is ok with you dying after you give her a child ?
Dead_Inside
Wizard
- Jul 2, 2018
- 622
Been thinking about that lately..... I was holding on to something for myself. My death could be the thing I could have. Didn't work x 2 .... I think I will have to get over that and just kill myself in a painful and unwanted way.
You are right I have the methods that work laid out for me..... time to stop being childish and wishing for a good ending.
If you're going to do it don't let it be because of a post someone made
No she isn't but she knows there's nothing she or anyone else can do about it, it isn't 2004 anymore. 2005 was the latest my shit could have been sorted. I don't know how the fuck I'm still here in some futuristic year I don't understand but I know while I am I want to do something good. Everything has a downside I just hope this child can get the life I didn't and that eventually she'll be happy
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
Hopefully it will work out for all of you. :)
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sky7
Student
- Aug 21, 2018
- 109
Fear of the unknown + fear of failure and ending up worse off (i.e. brain damaged).
Larez
Member
- Mar 22, 2018
- 25
The feeling that there are going to be events worth living through in the next 2 months. Hardly anything else. Survival instinct is getting numbed into submission, so that's nice.
Oblivion
Wizard
- Aug 2, 2018
- 610
wanttodie
Enlightened
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,784
The chance of failure when i do it i need to die
Survival instinct bitching.
weedoge
Banned
- Jul 12, 2018
- 1,525
Yeah survival instinct aka fear, also I think it's circumstance and situational. I'm too "comfortable" right now compared to a year or so ago. I'm just waiting for some shit to fly in my face or for my fear to lessen.
but I feel loneliness might push me there a bit sooner, which is self inflicted. I cut off my friends every single time so I end up in this same position, scared and alone.
but I feel loneliness might push me there a bit sooner, which is self inflicted. I cut off my friends every single time so I end up in this same position, scared and alone.
Sidestep
Student
- Aug 15, 2018
- 128
The sn arrived yesterday so I guess I can ctb whenever now but the fun thing about having multiple personalities is that not all of us are suicidal enough to do it, such as me 8). I'm sure when one of the suicidal ones take over they'll immediately do it but that might not be for another week or month or even years from now. Or it could be tomorrow, I wouldn't really know.
I was always passive about it but now things have happened that have pushed me into this. I'm ready to go. If I didn't go I know things are going to get much worse.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,644
I would say it's mainly due to the survival instinct (though I have almost fully overcomed it), lack of the resources for my method, and also waiting for an opening so that way I am able to go through with the least likelihood of being stopped.
Shame and guilt of hurting my family mostly. Well, now just guilt cause my dense head has been realizing that it's probably not all that wise to let my decisions in most things be affected by something like shame, and probably a bit selfish. Although the shame I had was because I was, and was going to be, such a failure and dark spot to those around me. Then there's you know like the discomfort of different methods and survival instinct... Wish there was an N fairy or something, little known cousin of the tooth fairy
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,267
I know we get blamed for being selfish for wanting to die but the people who brought us into this world aren't considered selfish. So fucked up.
I wish an N fairy had out some under my pillow when I was young. Would have saved me years of misery. :(
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Every time I find a suitable method something else goes wrong with my body making the chosen method futile: lung cancer 2015...can't use nitrogen, stroke 2016...could not do anything, 2018...serious vascular issue, getting set for surgery where 1 out of 10 die, easy-peasy right? Nope, no surgery...had a heart attack. Guess what still here. Losing my sight and walked, unwittingly, right in front of a fast moving bus. Passenger who disembarked informed me that half and inch closer and I would have been dead. Sigh...not even a scratch. Attempting to get formic and sulfuric acid before I cannot do that either. Two major issues: a place in which to do it, and the vision lasting long enough to follow through...sigh. Any suggestions for someone going blind, with major lung issues, a severe circulatory disorder, and epilepsy? Smile...life is but a dream.
I really don't know I mean I should be dead already but I came back
