Discussion Why are you still alive?

[ForeverCaHa]

After yesterday's plan fell through, it was cowardice. My friends and family want to believe it's because I didn't want to hurt them, but the truth is I was too scared to get the train to my CTB location and be faced with the ghosts of memories there

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

I am still afraid to miss something good.

I have more 이제훈 and 모범택시 to watch before I die, and whatever else might pop up over time.

 

[FoxSauce]

My mom sisters and I'm way to much of a coward to die, also cuz im stablelized for now and one part of ne wants to live.

My sisters mean everything to me, I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt them like that. I dont wanna traumatize anyone If they find my body in such a way.

If I do cbt later one I'll try to be on my own hand and be as less messy as possible.

 

[Big_Eal]

this is a question i ask myself genuinely near daily, and i don't have an answer, so i wonder if any of you have answers: why are you still alive? clearly if you're on this site you want to ctb - so what's keeping you from doing so?

my parents suffering, thats all

 

[TownesVanZandt]

I'm still gathering supplies. And I do genuinely like a lot of things about living, when I was younger I never thought I'd see anything positive in the world but I have a handful of people that I really love and it would be nice to meet some more before I go. I love the suspense of living, I love that I can get in my car and go anywhere I want. I love that I can make changes in the world big an small if I really wanted to. But in the background of all that love is still my chronic depression

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I don't have any reliable resources or methods, never did (Except when I was on the 11th floor top of a building over concrete while on vacation, thinking of it, it was prob the only good shot I ever had).

If I had a good gun, SN, a contraption for full-suspension hanging or a tall-enough bridge I would go for it. However, dying isn't as easy as advertised.

 

[Forveleth]

I have two failed attempts, which is the main reason I am here. I have found that attempting without really "feeling it" leads to failure so I refuse to make an attempt unless I feel the day is a day to die. I have not had that feeling since my last attempt so here I sit.

 

[MiraiShisen]

1 failed attempt, I do not really want to die, I am just forced to live in miserable situation and CTB seems to be only solution to all my problems.

 

[moonflow3r]

my method is on its way, once its on my hands, well, who knows, maybe ill come up with some shit excuse to not go forward. i hope i don't. i must proceed as intended. i don't have friends holding me back. (I'm actually shitting myself)

 

[coffeeholic]

I've been thinking about it for a while now, but then this one guy appeared out of nowhere and is part of my life now. I think I'm falling in love for the first time in years and I just can't do it for him. He is so good to me and I could never hurt him like that..

 

[istgthisisnotme]

im scared of attempting. what if i fail? what if I'll live but as a vegetable? what will my grandparents think and feel? ive been wanting to cbt for most of my life but i cant even do that

 

[tragicallytired]

I'm afraid to fail and be more of a burden to others.

 

[divinemistress87]

Im terrified of becoming a vegetable from a failed attempt

 

[tbh2023]

this is a question i ask myself genuinely near daily, and i don't have an answer, so i wonder if any of you have answers: why are you still alive? clearly if you're on this site you want to ctb - so what's keeping you from doing so?

Having suicidal ideation and mental illness is not necessarily "wanting to CTB". Also not everyone here wants to die. You can come here to express your thoughts with people who can understand them.

 

[Izzythebelle]

I'm scared to actually go through with it lol. It's physically hard and every time I get close I think about some stupid thing or someone I care about it and it freaks me out and stops me.

 

[Dark Moon]

There's a lack of available methods except for hanging and jumping, there's something stopping me from doing it like a fear of it going wrong and what comes after this.

 

[billie]

i don't know why i'm still alive but very soon i'll be dead

 

[blueberrylemon8]

I'm too shy to go up to the counter and ask to purchase a Magnum 357 :)

I'm the last person you'd expect to see at a gun shop and loud noises startle me very badly. Need to take the safety course unfortunately.

 

[MathConspiracy]

1. Failed hanging
2. No proper rope
3. Too afraid of buying SN
4. I'm feeling creative at the moment and I need to do some art to leave behind

 

[unworthy_]

I am 39y. Next year I will be 40y. I have lived long so far. But I feel that I dont have the experience of what a 40y should have. I am not able to reach the milestones of what a 40y should have. A loving relationship, family, career and financial stability. I failed in those area. My biggest issue is unable to get up each time I failed. Maybe that's my destiny.. ?

I am surviving because my loving pet is ill. She has terminal illness. She wont live long. I am spending all my paycheck to give her supplements on a monthly basis. I am stressed because I couldnt do better and seeing her progressing unwell each day. My parents are in their 70s. My brother just started working, around my age. I have a lot of worries. I feel that I am here to look after them. That is my purpose. It doesn't feel like an obligation but purpose. My ex whom I thought could be my one and only, left me in Feb. I never felt so much love for someone like him. He ignored my email last week. I take it as closure... I will always love him from far.

I often tell him and myself that I wont live past 40y. This age is approaching. I feel that my dog also wont live long so this is possibility it ? It would be a miracle if my dog could live longer pushing 16 or 17. She is 14y this year. In Chinese culture, 4 means will die. 4 is not an auspicious number. It means death. My birthdate is 4.

 

[DanielDanDean]

Tried jumping from the 8th floor : SI kicked in
Tried the exit bag method : there's a leak in my setup, don't know what to do to fix it..
Prepared a RJ45 hanging setup, now I'm waiting for the good time to hang myself

I'm in the mood to OD from opiates to not suffer anymore

 

[Unhumanly.]

I'm a stupid coward