Discussion Why are you still alive?

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

SI. I'm searching for benzos, cause only meditation for death and understanding the method isn't working - had a panic attack near the date I chose to ctb.

 

[NegevChina]

Love my kids, dont want to hurt and scar them, love my family wife Mom Brother, sister, nephews, don't have the courage, but I know I must do it soon. I've got all the equipment I need for Nitrogen + EB.

 

[Marbas]

My past attempts failed.

 

[DeathSleep]

Failed attempts and overthinking things mostly

 

[timmy_o]

why are you still alive? clearly if you're on this site you want to ctb - so what's keeping you from doing so?

The pain and suffering it would cause my loved ones keeps me from doing it.
That tether to this world is getting thinner but that's been the only thing keeping me here for years now.
I don't have hope of a better life, of recovery. I'm going through the paces for them, not for me.

Good question.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I ask myself that all the time.

I think mainly it's because I don't have N. I've always wanted to die in my sleep and every other method doesn't seem too appealing to me.

 

[Undeadbird]

distractions, but it's not really helped, I am doing more than I once was but still I have become more suicidal and it gets easier to ctb everytime I think about it. I fear the pain and discomfort too, and I did recently get a hobby which has kept me occupied, though my brain feels like it's slowly rotting so I don't think that will save me for much longer.

 

[Johnzaga23]

fear of the unknown. Im not religious but i have religious trauma. Im an atheist during the day and a theist during the night.

 

[Silmaril]

I still have some hope I guess. I have health issues that fluctuate, I can get treatments that help for a period and then I can feel useful again and not a burden but when between treatments I can barely move, and need a lot of help.

I've always known / been of the mindset that I will choose my time, but when that time will be I'm not wholly sure.... Perhaps when I can no longer work and provide (fortunate to have a well paid job I can do despite being physically disabled)... Perhaps before then, if I decide to do something for myself rather than choosing to miss busses for the benefit of others.

 

[waistcoat]

ive had some time to reflect since posting this. i think im alive out of spite? im not too sure, that kinda seems like the only reason i can think of that would make sense

 

[Silmaril]

I still have some hope I guess. I have health issues that fluctuate, I can get treatments that help for a period and then I can feel useful again and not a burden but when between treatments I can barely move, and need a lot of help.

I've always known / been of the mindset that I will choose my time, but when that time will be I'm not wholly sure.... Perhaps when I can no longer work and provide (fortunate to have a well paid job I can do despite being physically disabled)... Perhaps before then, if I decide to do something for myself rather than choosing to miss busses for the benefit of others.

I thought of another reason.

Ironically, it's advice I give to others at times... There's always tomorrow.

I tell myself that "when" doesn't matter.

 

[Roadrunner]

Lack of "testicular fortitude" is my reason. In other words I haven't had the courage YET.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Because I'm waiting for anti emetics. That's really the only reason. I need to follow the PPH protocol.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Two reasons
I am scared of the death
I don't want to hurt my family and friends

 

[bipolar22]

Cowardice and stupidity. If I were smart and had any balls I'd hanged myself when I was 12 or sooner. Have my pullup bar. My snugglehitch on the rope. Got a stool. No reason not to do it right now. But I'm a pussy so I sit here on the couch instead.

 

[deadbidaylight]

My child. Plain and simple.

 

[avalonisburning]

I'm lazy and a serial procrastinator, and I haven't bought the firearm yet.

 

[hereornot]

I'm still alive bc I didn't attempt when I hit rock bottom, had a method at hand (CO with charcoal) but didn't proceed for various reasons.

Perhaps, I can say, I'm still alive bc I didn't attempt for various reasons that also probably include a little bit of hope that my situation could become better in the future.

Honestly, it sucks! I wouldn't have missed out on anything and sooner or later will die naturally anyway.

Hope sucks. I regret every time I hesitated because of it.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I'm alive because the SN hasn't arrived yet.

 

[waistcoat]

Hope sucks. I regret every time I hesitated because of it.

I completely understand :(

I'm alive because the SN hasn't arrived yet.

<3

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

I'm still alive because society will not allow me to leave with dignity unless I have a very visible incurable physical illness.

I'm still alive because because if I want to leave this life, society has dictated that the punishment for that is having to suffer in pain on the way out. And hurt everyone you love as well.

I'm still alive because of the needless cruelty and stupidity of the human species.

 

[NoMoreSanity]

I don't know anymore.

 

[Warriorsfan]

Because assisted suicide isn't viable option for mental illness in MA.

And I'm scared of failure and ending up worse off for it.

 

[waistcoat]

i figured it out, the reason i'm still alive, we figured it out in therapy, it's that i will feel bad for the people i leave behind, i don't want them to be sad. for now that's working, i know it won't for long though