Discussion Why are you still alive?

[Gangrel]

Because i would hurt people and i am scared. Have a little hope inside me too that things will be well but eh.

 

[LostLily]

It is not the right time for me to go, and my Sn is stuck in customs for nearly a month

 

[Tots]

this is a question i ask myself genuinely near daily, and i don't have an answer, so i wonder if any of you have answers: why are you still alive? clearly if you're on this site you want to ctb - so what's keeping you from doing so?

I just haven't quite figured out how to do it without anyone ever finding my body. I don't want to burden anyone with funeral costs.

 

[Kimlett]

1. My family. I struggle with the idea of causing them excruciating pain and ruin their lives forever.
2. I have some hope and I'm giving life a last chance, doing everything it takes (treating my depression, changing my physique, changing my career path). If everything fails, I'll start planning my departure.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because I was tragically forced into this existence of pointless suffering and I'm so cruelly denied the option to just die in peace to escape from this existence I always saw as the most terrible tragic mistake, to me existence is an abomination, non-existence truly is all that's positive for me, I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer all for the sake of it in this futile, torturous existence just to die in agony from old age. I just find it horrific how even know this existence was imposed I cannot just have the option to permanently escape from the burden of existence with no risks of trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse torture and agony, it's so terrifying how there's no limit as to how much a human can suffer, to me existence really does feel like the most terrible mistake that just causes so much harm, I always wish to erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all.

 

[human909]

I am still alive because i just need the right time to go and afraid a little that i would hurt the people i love.

 

[Lambybahhhhhh]

Because at the end of the day im too much of a pussy.

 

[derpyderpins]

Love

 

[80d1mebag$$$]

Fear and my girlfriend

 

[always_sad]

I have to take care of my pets. I don't want them to be sad and scared. But once they are gone I will do it.

 

[Waiting for death]

Because I have some hope that I will finally reach my goals (build my house, cover all my body in tattoos and some piercings, etc. But I have 60% of chance to ctb soon.

 

[NitrogenAfternoon]

Because I don't have all the supplies I need and have to continue to save up my money. Nothing else. There is no friends, no family. Nothing. I don't have the youth like some of the members here. It's done. Once I get AE and the funds for whatever else I need, i will be departing. There is not a single person or goal that is keeping me here otherwise.

 

[Well_Its_Time]

I'm a coward

 

[sukiduki]

waiting for my brother's wedding to happen and a lil time to pass after so it's not directly after their wedding.

 

[nothinghereforme]

Was clumsy and my selfish snooping family called an ambulance so they could keep me hostage for fake sympathy by proxy even though my life is objectively not worth living and if they truly cared about my well being and happiness they would let me bleed out. I hope my inevitable funeral puts them into debt; I hate them for delaying my CTB and I know it's not for my sake they dismiss my chronic pain and laugh about me behind my back, even if they do 'love' me it doesn't stop my chronic pain which overpowers everything so it is worthless. If they want to force me to be here I will make it as big a chore as possible.

 

[birthdaylastwish]

this is a question i ask myself genuinely near daily, and i don't have an answer, so i wonder if any of you have answers: why are you still alive? clearly if you're on this site you want to ctb - so what's keeping you from doing so?

Because it isnt my birthday yet. And I still have a couple of things to try

 

[willow115]

Pets, faith, and hope that was finally drained out. It's been a long drain for me.

 

[onthefence]

Sometimes I wish they didn't care about me.

I wish for this as well. I feel like the people who care for me are tethering me to this world. I want them to release me, either because they know I am suffering or because I am just too much of a drain on them. I feel like even the people who are paid to care are anchoring me here. I worry that they would lose their licenses. One of them told me recently that they refuse to grant me permission to leave.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want to wait for my Dad to go first. I worry that fear around the process may eventually hold me back too but, hopefully I will overcome that and do what needs to be done.

 

[inthebay]

my loved ones, and my dog

 

[MikuFOST]

Definitely would just be my pet cat as i live with my sister and mother they correlate my cat to me so i know they will take care of her as well as my father dying when i was young to colon cancer leaving my mother with only one man in the house being me and if both my father and me whom i look very much alike pass it would destroy her

 

[Flightless Wings]

It would destroy my mom. I think I'll wait for her to go first. My ideation also isn't very 'active' but it is obsessive. Basically, I don't have enough active stressors pushing me to go NOW RIGHT NOW so instead it's a vague mist of 'probably sometime'. Death is pretty scary too.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Why am I still alive?

Ridiculous addictions like to youtube , news, social media, media etc distracted me wasted all my time I could have used to work hours per day on 1. deciding on one method / plan 2. Getting that one plan / method ready to go. 3. Winning the battle in my brain to change my mindset to become a suicider with the mental ability to do it like overcoming fear , excuses, perfection etc, to get to feel like I want to execute my method all the time like someone would want to go any pick up 900 million dollars , to desire me suiciding tremendously all the time so much that I work like a demon on the above and to remove excuses like " I need to write a will" "that method might fail" " I need more practice" 4. fear of failure and remaining alive with brain damage , fear of pain.

imo to be able to kill yourself one needs to 1. have one method and plan that you are very confident will work . 2 then be able to carry that method out any time. 2.1 get rid of any excuses/obstacles (most of these are mental like fear of pain or failure.. for example i have shotgun and i can shoot myself any time . but i fear that it might not work although research shows i have at least a 98% chance of suceeeding , i fear pain but i know rationally there is no pain you get knocked out and wont even hear the shot. i have shot a shotgun for practice and it;s like a bomb exploding near your face.) , overecome fear doubts

 

[Darkover]

i always wonder why humans who are suffering extremely without any chance of improvement stay alive
i believe it's because people may not have the means or resources to end their suffering in a controlled way. This might be due to a lack of access to assisted suicide.

it's because life evolved over billion of years to stay alive at all cost it's hardwired into us to avoid pain and seek pleasure but when a person is experiencing more pain than pleasure only leads to a strong desire to seek relief but they don't have any easy way out it's hard to kill yourself when there is pain involved even if you are in constant pain

when the balance between pain and pleasure tips so severely toward pain, it can lead to an overwhelming desire for relief.. The problem lies in the fact that relief isn't always easily accessible. The physical and emotional toll of suicide, the fear of failure or its consequences, and the sheer difficulty of the act itself can prevent people from carrying out their desire to escape their suffering. Add to that the lack of resources or access to more compassionate options, like assisted suicide, and people may feel trapped in an unbearable situation.

 

[Baisley]

I guess I'm not smart enough to figure out how to CTB yet. I want to CTB badly but yet haven't been able to pull it off yet.

 

[E Butler]

Still got hope that maybe I can find a solution to my dehibilitating ear pain. It's fading fast though and I don't want to be around a second more after it's gone

 

[death_by_life]

Yeah, like others, the non-human beings in my life. I have places for them to go, but it would still be really hard for them. The people, some of them as lovely as they are, would be just fine, They're strong, normal people and they'll get along great, so I'm not worried about them (though I do wish my ex all the pain they inflicted on me, petty as that is, and I know they won't feel it either way so it will be lost on them). The other reason is, again like others, I want to cease to exist, but the actual dying part is not attractive. SN sounds really unpleasant, and for me the only other viable way is N or F or even H, but figuring out how to get access is overwhelming. I also just found out how much it costs to die in the US, and it's way more than I have, so I can't even pay for myself in death, not to mention life.

 

[Languish]

I do not have the energy to try. It all seems like too much effort. It takes everything in me, to simply be.

 

[Zanmato]

My cat.
Fear.
And I'd feel guilty to a few people that would probably suffer

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm still alive bc I didn't attempt when I hit rock bottom, had a method at hand (CO with charcoal) but didn't proceed for various reasons.

Perhaps, I can say, I'm still alive bc I didn't attempt for various reasons that also probably include a little bit of hope that my situation could become better in the future.

Honestly, it sucks! I wouldn't have missed out on anything and sooner or later will die naturally anyway.