Christopher Reeve
Ein wunderschöner Baum um sich zu erhängen
- Mar 27, 2024
- 74
Why am I nobody? I was trained to be someone who only cared about pleasing people, without ever caring about myself, I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, being the only person in the family to be, my family didn't care and doesn't care about me, I was always being ostracized, when I fell into a deep depression the only person who spoke to me was my mother, some friends sometimes came to see me, but I cut off contact with them, I can't make their lives unhappy because I'm a mentally cursed person, I have habits horrible things because of my bipolar disorder, I'm very euphoric and a workaholic for months and then I become a total recluse, not having to work for years because I saved money in the euphoria. My relationships were so intense at first and then they suddenly ended, now I know which is due to bipolarity
I can't control my hyperactivity, alternating between extreme depression, I've tried so many medications that have left me on the verge of madness, sometimes I have to cut myself to try to relieve myself, I can no longer walk the streets without long clothes due to the deep scars. I walked all over my country trying to find a better place, I walked my continent in this search.
I met so many different people, but I never managed to connect with any person in my entire life, it's as if the world was something completely untouchable for me and I experienced true solipsism.
Now, I'm in a place far from my hometown, wondering if I should really end all suffering, I would disappear from the world without my body ever being found, and even if it were I would never be identified.
Maybe in the end, everything was my fault, I don't know what to do, the only thing I can think of is that the entire life of ordinary people is unattainable for me, and this existential life is something hellish and everything I thought I could achieve one day is something that will never happen.
My hobby is collecting stories and reflecting on them, I do this with everyone, and I read a lot. Maybe this is one of the few pleasures I have
I can't control my hyperactivity, alternating between extreme depression, I've tried so many medications that have left me on the verge of madness, sometimes I have to cut myself to try to relieve myself, I can no longer walk the streets without long clothes due to the deep scars. I walked all over my country trying to find a better place, I walked my continent in this search.
I met so many different people, but I never managed to connect with any person in my entire life, it's as if the world was something completely untouchable for me and I experienced true solipsism.
Now, I'm in a place far from my hometown, wondering if I should really end all suffering, I would disappear from the world without my body ever being found, and even if it were I would never be identified.
Maybe in the end, everything was my fault, I don't know what to do, the only thing I can think of is that the entire life of ordinary people is unattainable for me, and this existential life is something hellish and everything I thought I could achieve one day is something that will never happen.
My hobby is collecting stories and reflecting on them, I do this with everyone, and I read a lot. Maybe this is one of the few pleasures I have
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