When relatively normal circumstances are revolting to you personally, making you want to CTB

[ClickHere2Die]

My life isn't shit by some universal metric -- I'm an adult male with a home, food, money, a job (most of the time), stuff like that. My mental problems aren't such that I have e.g. extreme anxiety and crying spells every day. However, I am very lonely, I'm equal parts romantically and sexually frustrated, to such an extent that I feel nothing is worth doing and I feel ready to die. I have what feels like enormous obstacles to overcome if I'm ever going to find a woman that I like, who also likes me back, and it might not even happen, in part due to things out of my control -- complex trauma from physical and mental abuse in childhood, being short and average looking, depression, autism ("high-functioning") -- a whole bunch of things, each of which I feel are about equally problematic, but it adds to up something greater than the sum of its parts, so to speak. When I talk about this, people sometimes tell me that "yeah, well, life isn't fair", or to "lower my standards", or that some of the problems I claim to have aren't really problems. I mean, for at least some of this stuff, it's hard to argue against that. It doesn't change the fact that I'm so tired of trying and pretending that I might be content with life some day and would rather die. I'm getting to an age where most of my friends by now have loving, attractive partners. It seems to me, also, that these friends are allowed to be more or less themselves in their relationships, that is, they can get away with sometimes being insecure, timid, unassertive, having what one could describe as "normal" personalities, jobs and hobbies and so on -- I feel that they can get away with this at least in part due to being tall and/or handsome, whereas for me, it will be very difficult to get to a point where my personality matters at all, since for most of women, I don't fulfill the pre-requisite of being physically attractive, mostly due to being short. (Note that I'm not saying that personality is irrelevant. To be clear, I recognize that it happens all the time that particular women won't "vibe" with a physically attractive man because of a mismatch in personality, lifestyle, that sort of thing.) I feel that I, as a short man, will probably have to become (if at all possible) VERY confident and charismatic in order to even have a chance with the kind of women that my friends are with. This hurts very much, and it makes it difficult for me to socialize and spend time with my friends. I catch feelings for their girlfriends and become envious towards my friends since I cannot have what they have. I don't personally think I've been brainwashed by incel and PUA shit -- I'm not angry at women -- I absolutely don't think it's their "fault", somehow, if they don't find me attractive. I feel that narcissism plays a part in my problems, somehow. I think sometimes that my loneliness would not upset me as much if I had not been traumatized as a boy. I'm thinking there must be other men here that feel something similar to this?