After leaving the femcel community I realise now it is a destructive belief system

[FireFox]

I am 26 and never had a boyfriend. Every guy I liked has always either rejected me or been so cruel towards me whenever I expressed my interest in them while others girls and women my age always got guys interested in them and making them feel special. All my life I have been that girl now woman who nevers gets picked.

In 2022 I found a femcel community of women who experienced similar to what I have experienced. It was amazing meeting women who actually understood what I went through all my life then as time went on I learnt how toxic the community actaully is.

The community I belonged too the women constantly posted threads expressing their jealousy towards attractive women getting male love and having it easy. I once pointed out to these women that Noami Campbell is a very beautiful woman who can have any man she wants, she has been engaged a couple of times but she is still single at 50 because she is not a nice person. She a beautiful face but an ugly heart. There loads of examples of attractive mentally ill women and disabled women who can't find love due to ableism. The women just dismissed my points.

I noticed I was a lot different to the women in the community I am extroverted and spend a lot of time visiting places whereas these women are introverted and stay at home online when not a work or university/college. Nobody in the community was encouraged to go out to places or to improve fixable aspects their own lives . The moderator of the femcel community I belonged too she demanded we post daily and if you had a 1 month of inactivity you got kicked off the discord server.

I met nice women but it was so sad seeing them falling into severe depression over not finding love and being single and lonely. One femcel women in her 20s who I connected with just spends all day on reddit complaining about her appearance, has no friends and plans to kill herself when she reaches her 40s if still single. A lot of women particularly young femcel women in their 20s were stuck in the past over rejection and unable to deal with it. Older femcels just like young femcels struggled to deal with the rejection. Older femcels were more bitter.

Society talks about how destructive incel men are but it is time society talked about how destructive femcel women really are. These women are self destructive and bitter to the point it is not healthy. The femcel hating on other women is distrubing and not good for society as these women have to mix with people at work and school

 

[tbroken]

Do you know why you are not picked? Do you have strange behaviour or appearances? Did the same guys that refused you, pickup someone else? Because many guys simply don't trust anyone, and they wont trust women either...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I have a crush on FireFox so I don't think it's hopeless. I think personality > looks as well. I used to read posts in the femcel community, but not in the womens only section. I'm sorry that it turned out to be toxic with so many unreasonable standards.

I've known women in the femcels community from the time I was there that recovered and found bfs, admittedly I was giving them help at the time towards that, and I dated one for a time.

 

[astonishedturnip]

IMHO any community that centers around a negative trait, and whose purpose is not around recovery, ends up being a toxic shithole. (I don't count SaSu in this as it is firmly pro-choice and supportive of those in recovery) I was part of the FAW community on Reddit but had to leave it for the reasons you mentioned... Just a lot of "if you're X age and you haven't had any experience, it's over, you might as well just CTB" and "if you're not hot, you might as well just end your life because it's not worth living" that made me turn away from it. It was gratifying to know that there were other women out there who felt "outside" the stereotypical female experience, who couldn't find partners and who were ignored and dismissed in public and the workplace, who had to scrape and fight because nothing was given to us. But focusing on these traits instead of finding something to enjoy in my life was turning me bitter and hateful.

Also, tons of girls who were 18 and calling themselves Forever Alone. Anyone 18 deeming themselves Forever Alone is dumb lol "forever" for you is literally a mouse squeak fart in the grand scheme of the average human lifespan, you thought Santa existed like 7 years ago, chill out. Soooo much alarmism in the -cel community that just makes me roll my eyes. Like damn step outside, talk to people in real life, feel the sun on your face, go to the zoo, there's more to life. It sucks like shit ass to be alone when the entire world feels partnered and I personally have no intention of being alone for decades when I can CTB instead. But having a community of men, women, whatever who will tell you "If you haven't had your first kiss by X, then you should kill yourself probably" fuckin sucks.

It was a normal reaction to the incel movement. Incels cannot wrap their minds around the fact that for many women, their lives are not on "easy mode," they've never been "spoiled" or treated like princesses in their lives, they are ignored and abused and laughed at. And unlike the incel community I hadn't witnessed anyone celebrating sexual assault or saying men were worthless and hit the wall cat lady dead egg whatevers after they turned 18/19/20/whatever bc precious lolis were the best... But the "all men are evil rapists who will kill you if you're ever alone with them" and "hot girls probably get sugar daddies just by existing" was stupid too.

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

Why do they call themselves femcels? If incel is short for involuntary celibacy then wouldn't they still just be incels? Or femincels? I feel like they've labelled themselves incorrectly.