29M, 7 year dry spell, how to genuinely get laid/have confidence again in my life?

[FunnyHam]

Long story short, In university I went through a PUA phase because I got no atttention in high school so in turn I tried my best to socialize and break my virginity in university which happened. What I quickly realized was I was doing myself more harm than good because I wasn't forming genuine relationships with both men/women and wasn't attractive to be the PUA guy and was getting constantly rejected. I eventually stopped going to clubs/scoializing completely because of this fact.

After this realization I was quite depressed and realized the blind confidence I had didn't serve me right. I also went through life issues etc which has now made me friendless at the age of 29. Based off of my experiences in university and work, guys like to be friends with guys that look good in a group to pull women and vice-versa, women like guys that attract girls and with social media, it has disuaded me from meeting people.

Only positive thing about that trauma is that I know I can possess that confident energy again with anyone but it wouldnt be based on any financial/life success just on pure desperation at this point. I obviously read the room a lot better now and if somebody I talk to in a group etc doesn't initiate back a conversation, smile, look at me etc, I don't bother. I have gotten in better shape now and the dating apps aren't working, based in the GTA. People recommend joining groups etc but I don't want to be the guy that joins for the sake of picking up women. I am also less endowed which has also made me not pursue sex all these years as well, 5X4-4.5". I am 6'0 tall, green eyes, balding, I'm probably a 4-5/10 on face looks.

Are people who are hermits just doomed to seduct because they strrugle with a proper social upbringing? I have a genuine desire to be social but I am not the most successful, happen to be unemployed, and don't have much going for me atm career/financial wise, hard to seduct if you're chronically unsuccessful over the years, no?

TL;DR Looking for genuine advice, 29m hermit, maybe autistic? Trying to resurrect a dead social life in order to feel attractive, have severe social anxiety

 

[Darkover]

37male I am coming up to a 20-year dry spell nobody wants me I've got used to it, life is a bitch then you die

 

[dragonofenvy]

So, you want to get laid. In which case there are dating apps on which you can get hookups.

BUUUUT, I'm getting a distinct sense that's not actually what you want based on what you're saying in the post itself. You want to be successful and get a social life in order, and you want to form genuine relationships with people. You want to feel liked at the very least by your peers, but I can't quite tell if you think being liked means you have sex a lot as a means to look impressive, or if you want to be loved by someone. If it's the former, well if you need sex to be cool then how come there are lots of cool virgin men out there? The PUA stuff probably warped your brain a bit, and just saying, the PUA crap is bullshit. I think you figured that out. If it's the latter, well again the PUA stuff needs to go.

If you couldn't tell, the title and the first paragraph have thrown me off considering what everything after that talks about. So I guess I'm confused, but I'll try anyway. The worst case is I look dumb which I don't particularly care about. I guess are you insecure about having no sex particularly or would you not care about it as much if you had a social life? Is the no sex coming from a "I wish someone would love me enough to have sex with me" kind of place?

So the first thing is rephrasing it from "How do I get laid?" to "How can I form relationships with people?" If you're looking at it from the former then yeah you're not gonna be in for a good time, well unless you want a good time without the commitment of a relationship. If you're just looking at relationships from that lens, trust me, people will be able to tell because many of them are quite used to being treated that way and learned to pick up on the signs.

"But dragon who cares about the phrasing?"

I don't know why it works for you to reframe it, but it does supposedly. It's called cognitive reframing. It's just being more aware of your thoughts and your perceptions of your thoughts. I could also be entirely wrong and this post could be a complete waste, but I just noticed the "How do I get laid?" and the "I want a relationship" part and figured I'd point it out so you can think about it more.

Best I've got for you and take it with a grain of salt considering I'm 23M who's had a solid 5 friends in their entire lifetime and has never been in a relationship/hookup/date/experience/whatever.

 

[Terry A. Davis]

Only ever had 3 one night stands in my life. Hated it, I felt gross but it seemed as though girls didn't want to date me. I was just a rebound guy. It was all I could do so that's why I done it.

I'm in my mid 20s approaching late 20s and I never want to have a one night stand ever again. It's subhuman behaviour.

 

[DarkRange55]

So are you looking for friendship with guys or a romantic partner?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've got you all beat, I'm a 30 year old guy with a 30 year dry spell.

I have lots of friends but it doesn't help me at all romantically since I've never even been on a date once. I think if making your friends is your only goal an easy way to do that is to just listen to whatever people you want to be friends with has to say. Most people would rather hear themselves talk so being around to hear that already makes you seem quite endearing to them.

As for sexual endeavors, sorry but I got no clue otherwise I wouldn't even need to be on this site.

 

[DarkRange55]

I'm currently in a long term relationship and I've had quite a few long term relationships, many girlfriends and dated far more and also have a very healthy social life but I'm definitely down to offer some advice if anyone is interested

 

[dragonofenvy]

I'm currently in a long term relationship and I've had quite a few long term relationships, many girlfriends and dated far more and also have a very healthy social life but I'm definitely down to offer some advice if anyone is interested

sure.

 

[DarkRange55]

sure.

Well are you trying to make friends, start a romantic relationship, just looking for a tryst?

 

[wasted_years]

sure.

I'll let you in on the trick:

-Be handsome

That's it.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Well are you trying to make friends, start a romantic relationship, just looking for a tryst?

The first two. No clue what a tryst means other than the Google definitions.

I'll let you in on the trick:

-Be handsome

That's it.

Well, yes but some bad-looking people have gotten relationships. Being attractive just makes it tremendously easier.

 

[sserafim]

Lol I'm 23 F and I've had a 23 year dry spell

So are you looking for friendship with guys or a romantic partner?

Friendship with guys? I thought they wanted friendship with girls

Well are you trying to make friends, start a romantic relationship, just looking for a tryst?

"Tryst" I'm dead. You use the funniest and most random words

 

[dragonofenvy]

Friendship with guys? I thought they wanted friendship with girls

They said in their post they wanted to build a social life. I'm just gonna assume they mean friends with anyone.

 

[DarkRange55]

The first two. No clue what a tryst means other than the Google definitions.


Well, yes but some bad-looking people have gotten relationships. Being attractive just makes it tremendously easier.

A tryst is basically a brief sexual meetup.

Meeting friends: be friendly and outgoing, so basically you need to start conversations with people and give shared common interests. "Hey man I like your shirt, Breaking Benjamin is an awesome band. Have you been to their concerts? What other bands do you like?" It's not really a science, per se. Just show interest and be friendly. But you have to initiate and engage.

Maximize your sexual marketability. Woman its similar to the above. Regardless of what social media and the cultural zeitgeist would have you believe, as a man, you have to initiate everything. Woman can give you signs but you have to take the initiative. Cold starts are less successful but statistically they do work. I've even had luck doing that. But it's better to lower their guard first. Compliment them and just talk. You want to actively show interest but not too much. Flirt because otherwise you will get friend-zoned and there is a science to that. Declare your intentions. That doesn't mean you just say, hey baby I love you let's fuck. Just declare your intentions, it means, hey I think you're very pretty and I really enjoy talking to you, I'd love to buy you coffee sometime. More along those likes. Don't be desperate. Be appreciative. Big difference. Don't worry about going too fast (within reason). Worry about going too slow. Woman will tell you when you're going too fast but if you go too slow then they will loose interest and friend-zone you. You need to be charming: basically high confidence which is key but also humble. Humor is important. Always be positive. Everyone's personality is different and every situation is circumstantial so you have to feel out every moment. I will never knock coffee. You actually can talk to and learn, its cheap, low-pressure, casual, you can figure out quickly if you want to proceed. It's all a numbers game meaning its statistical. Even the best looking, wealthiest men are going to get more no's then yes's. Thats just the nature of the game. Actively listen and remember what she says. You need to know how to flirt, be playful. No backhanded compliments. Playful ones. Maintain sexual tension. Experience is the best teacher. You need to practice and learn not to fear rejection and just move ok quickly. Just say, for example. You ask 15 woman. 7 give you their number. 4 respond. 2-3 meet in person. Don't waste your time with time wasters. You need to be confident, woman find that more attractive than almost anything. They will shit test you. Like oh, you're so nerdy. You don't want to say, I'm not nerdy! You're supposed to say, fuck yeah I'm nerdy and you like it. Because they will be testing you whether consciously or unconsciously on your confidence because they want to know if you will defend them in the future. Again, there is a science to that. Be clean. Woman get turned off very fast by dirt. Shower regularly, wear deodorant, keep all your hair on your body tight, ect. Get your style right, hone that. Being in better physical shape does definitely help increase your sexual marketability, so does money. Be interesting. People like people that know stuff and that are interesting: they have their own opinions, they have a lot of experiences, they know what they like, they have diverse and unique hobbies and interests, ect. You have to project confidence. Not cockiness. Woman go for douche bags because they are confident but they don't stay with them because they're assholes. So you have to be sincere and understanding of their emotions. But don't put them on a pedestal. Woman like a man on a mission. Just go out and find woman. Cafes, coffee shops, parks, malls, your work, ect. Just start talking, practice with a waitress. You need to have goals and have your life together if you want to start a serious formal relationship for both you and that person's benefit. Its just healthier. Woman whether consciously or unconsciously will always be looking for the right partner to have kids with and the environment to raise them in. Its just biology. So they want a guy with his shit together, someone who can protect the clan, provide, have a clean area.
The more you do it, the easier it gets. Some woman like skinny, nerdy guys. Some woman like jocks. Everyone is different but there are universal similarities. Confidence, humility, kindness, cleanliness, mission, charm. No cheesy pickup lines or any bs. Find one thing she likes and just let her talk about it and actively listen and ask questions. It's about earning points. Bringing flowers, writing cards, spending time with their families. Make sure she has a good relationship with her parents. Sorry, but trust me on this last one. Feel out every situation and use your instinct. Its biology.

That's just off the top of my head.

Read Dr. David Buss Evolutionary Psychology.

 

[dragonofenvy]

A tryst is basically a brief sexual meetup.

Meeting friends: be friendly and outgoing, so basically you need to start conversations with people and give shared common interests. "Hey man I like your shirt, Breaking Benjamin is an awesome band. Have you been to their concerts? What other bands do you like?" It's not really a science, per se. Just show interest and be friendly. But you have to initiate and engage.

Maximize your sexual marketability. Woman its similar to the above. Regardless of what social media and the cultural zeitgeist would have you believe, as a man, you have to initiate everything. Woman can give you signs but you have to take the initiative. Cold starts are less successful but statistically they do work. I've even had luck doing that. But it's better to lower their guard first. Compliment them and just talk. You want to actively show interest but not too much. Flirt because otherwise you will get friend-zoned and there is a science to that. Declare your intentions. That doesn't mean you just say, hey baby I love you let's fuck. Just declare your intentions, it means, hey I think you're very pretty and I really enjoy talking to you, I'd love to buy you coffee sometime. More along those likes. Don't be desperate. Be appreciative. Big difference. Don't worry about going too fast (within reason). Worry about going too slow. Woman will tell you when you're going too fast but if you go too slow then they will loose interest and friend-zone you. You need to be charming: basically high confidence which is key but also humble. Humor is important. Always be positive. Everyone's personality is different and every situation is circumstantial so you have to feel out every moment. I will never knock coffee. You actually can talk to and learn, its cheap, low-pressure, casual, you can figure out quickly if you want to proceed. It's all a numbers game meaning its statistical. Even the best looking, wealthiest men are going to get more no's then yes's. Thats just the nature of the game. Actively listen and remember what she says. You need to know how to flirt, be playful. No backhanded compliments. Playful ones. Maintain sexual tension. Experience is the best teacher. You need to practice and learn not to fear rejection and just move ok quickly. Just say, for example. You ask 15 woman. 7 give you their number. 4 respond. 2-3 meet in person. Don't waste your time with time wasters. You need to be confident, woman find that more attractive than almost anything. They will shit test you. Like oh, you're so nerdy. You don't want to say, I'm not nerdy! You're supposed to say, fuck yeah I'm nerdy and you like it. Because they will be testing you whether consciously or unconsciously on your confidence because they want to know if you will defend them in the future. Again, there is a science to that. Be clean. Woman get turned off very fast by dirt. Shower regularly, wear deodorant, keep all your hair on your body tight, ect. Get your style right, hone that. Being in better physical shape does definitely help increase your sexual marketability, so does money. Be interesting. People like people that know stuff and that are interesting: they have their own opinions, they have a lot of experiences, they know what they like, they have diverse and unique hobbies and interests, ect. You have to project confidence. Not cockiness. Woman go for douche bags because they are confident but they don't stay with them because they're assholes. So you have to be sincere and understanding of their emotions. But don't put them on a pedestal. Woman like a man on a mission. Just go out and find woman. Cafes, coffee shops, parks, malls, your work, ect. Just start talking, practice with a waitress. You need to have goals and have your life together if you want to start a serious formal relationship for both you and that person's benefit. Its just healthier. Woman whether consciously or unconsciously will always be looking for the right partner to have kids with and the environment to raise them in. Its just biology. So they want a guy with his shit together, someone who can protect the clan, provide, have a clean area.
The more you do it, the easier it gets. Some woman like skinny, nerdy guys. Some woman like jocks. Everyone is different but there are universal similarities. Confidence, humility, kindness, cleanliness, mission, charm. No cheesy pickup lines or any bs. Find one thing she likes and just let her talk about it and actively listen and ask questions. It's about earning points. Bringing flowers, writing cards, spending time with their families. Make sure she has a good relationship with her parents. Sorry, but trust me on this last one. Feel out every situation and use your instinct. Its biology.

That's just off the top of my head.

Read Dr. David Buss Evolutionary Psychology.

This was very informative thank you.

I think that I will not be trying any of this because it's too much for me to have to bear and I really don't feel like dealing with the rejection loop again. I kinda just thought of it as "make a friend see what happens" but when it's all this stuff then nope. I don't want to play social games. Fuck that. A lot of it is stuff that I already knew consciously but having it listed out like this really just let the reality set in.

Probably not exactly what you were hoping for but it's my honest response. Sorry if you're disappointed but hopefully somebody else can find this useful.

 

[DarkRange55]

This was very informative thank you.

I think that I will not be trying any of this because it's too much for me to have to bear and I really don't feel like dealing with the rejection loop again. I kinda just thought of it as "make a friend see what happens" but when it's all this stuff then nope. I don't want to play social games. Fuck that. A lot of it is stuff that I already knew consciously but having it listed out like this really just let the reality set in.

Probably not exactly what you were hoping for but it's my honest response. Sorry if you're disappointed but hopefully somebody else can find this useful.

No worries, my friend. It's just advice, no offense is taken. Everyone must find their own way. Woman play games and I would say its just the nature of the dating game: can't win if you don't play. I just have always personally put a great importance on being in a relationship but thats what motivates me. Everyone has different motivations. I've also just been friend-zoned a lot so I know maintaining sexual tension is important. You can get out of it but it's hard. There is no one answer to finding true love. But relationships take work to actively maintain.
I wish everyone the best of luck and happiness + success.

No worries, my friend. It's just advice, no offense is taken. Everyone must find their own way. Woman play games and I would say its just the nature of the dating game: can't win if you don't play. I just have always personally put a great importance on being in a relationship but thats what motivates me. Everyone has different motivations. I've also just been friend-zoned a lot so I know maintaining sexual tension is important. You can get out of it but it's hard. There is no one answer to finding true love. But relationships take work to actively maintain.
I wish everyone the best of luck and happiness + success.

I think life is a social game. Life is pretty straightforward. People are complicated.


One more thing. Very important! Make them feel special. Show that they are different from other woman. It's more than just flowers and gifts (which by the way, don't do generic stuff, tailor it to their needs and interests), but make them feel special. Be romantic. Hold the door open, be a gentleman.

Long story short, In university I went through a PUA phase because I got no atttention in high school so in turn I tried my best to socialize and break my virginity in university which happened. What I quickly realized was I was doing myself more harm than good because I wasn't forming genuine relationships with both men/women and wasn't attractive to be the PUA guy and was getting constantly rejected. I eventually stopped going to clubs/scoializing completely because of this fact.

After this realization I was quite depressed and realized the blind confidence I had didn't serve me right. I also went through life issues etc which has now made me friendless at the age of 29. Based off of my experiences in university and work, guys like to be friends with guys that look good in a group to pull women and vice-versa, women like guys that attract girls and with social media, it has disuaded me from meeting people.

Only positive thing about that trauma is that I know I can possess that confident energy again with anyone but it wouldnt be based on any financial/life success just on pure desperation at this point. I obviously read the room a lot better now and if somebody I talk to in a group etc doesn't initiate back a conversation, smile, look at me etc, I don't bother. I have gotten in better shape now and the dating apps aren't working, based in the GTA. People recommend joining groups etc but I don't want to be the guy that joins for the sake of picking up women. I am also less endowed which has also made me not pursue sex all these years as well, 5X4-4.5". I am 6'0 tall, green eyes, balding, I'm probably a 4-5/10 on face looks.

Are people who are hermits just doomed to seduct because they strrugle with a proper social upbringing? I have a genuine desire to be social but I am not the most successful, happen to be unemployed, and don't have much going for me atm career/financial wise, hard to seduct if you're chronically unsuccessful over the years, no?

TL;DR Looking for genuine advice, 29m hermit, maybe autistic? Trying to resurrect a dead social life in order to feel attractive, have severe social anxiety

Also, my friend, find the woman's love language. Everyone is different. Some people are touchy feely, some are acts of service, some wants words of affirmation, some woman are clingy. It just depends on the individual. But always make a woman feel comfortable, safe and secure. And be adventurous but not dangerous. Woman want to feel safe but they do NOT want to feel bored. What that means, is up to the individual woman.

 

[Bianka]

Maybe the most important thing is separating socializing from sex. What's the end goal here? Tbh it's a sickening mentality. Looking at human beings as sex toys, to feel attractive and hate yourself a bit less...

 

[DarkRange55]

Maybe the most important thing is separating socializing from sex. What's the end goal here? Tbh it's a sickening mentality. Looking at human beings as sex toys, to feel attractive and hate yourself a bit less...

The evolutionary purpose in life is to reproduce as biological organisms on this planet. We are all hardwired for sex. Also, if you read books on biology and evolutionary psychology, sex was the best survival strategy that benefited humanity. Men would provide protection to get sex, and women would provide sex to get protection. Obviously, I think there is much more to life than just sex and I think it is a very vulnerable position.l you put yourself into. As adults, romantic relationships essentially codify with sex.
I understand there is some people on this forum that are not interested in sex and I think that's totally fine. I have no judgment against that.
It just depends what an individual is looking for in life. And yes, I do believe there is a difference between sex and making love.

No worries, my friend. It's just advice, no offense is taken. Everyone must find their own way. Woman play games and I would say its just the nature of the dating game: can't win if you don't play. I just have always personally put a great importance on being in a relationship but thats what motivates me. Everyone has different motivations. I've also just been friend-zoned a lot so I know maintaining sexual tension is important. You can get out of it but it's hard. There is no one answer to finding true love. But relationships take work to actively maintain.
I wish everyone the best of luck and happiness + success.

I think life is a social game. Life is pretty straightforward. People are complicated.


One more thing. Very important! Make them feel special. Show that they are different from other woman. It's more than just flowers and gifts (which by the way, don't do generic stuff, tailor it to their needs and interests), but make them feel special. Be romantic. Hold the door open, be a gentleman.

Also, my friend, find the woman's love language. Everyone is different. Some people are touchy feely, some are acts of service, some wants words of affirmation, some woman are clingy. It just depends on the individual. But always make a woman feel comfortable, safe and secure. And be adventurous but not dangerous. Woman want to feel safe but they do NOT want to feel bored. What that means, is up to the individual woman.

Just because I'm thinking of these things definitely complement people to add some positivity to their day. You're taking an interest and you're making them feel better and then also make you feel better. I like your smile, that's really awesome what you're doing with your business idea, ect. When they like you more, you like them more, it's a positive feedback.
Be playful with woman when you have romantic intent or with your friends. Like being cocky but it's all tongue in cheek. It's like self aware narcissism. They know you're just bullshitting. The playfulness is taking the headshot of it by showing you're not being too serious, you're having fun with it. Like light teasing. Not negging. Never break rapport. It also adds to the masculine female dynamic. Don't do this in a serious situation like meeting at her parents or meeting her friends or meeting strangers.

Also, I'm not talking about every night but women do like to go out. They like to be taken out and a lot of times according to the science women are not dressing up for you or for other guys they're dressing up for other women they want to be seen and they also want to show you off. You don't need to go to the most expensive restaurant but we do like to be seen and they do like to go out.
Women also value a guy that can fix things that can cook. You don't need to be a mechanic or an electrician, but having basic troubleshooting skills being able replace a tire or replace an outlet just small things.
Also pay attention to the details with women limited, generally very detailed oriented.

 

[FunnyHam]

The evolutionary purpose in life is to reproduce as biological organisms on this planet. We are all hardwired for sex. Also, if you read books on biology and evolutionary psychology, sex was the best survival strategy that benefited humanity. Men would provide protection to get sex, and women would provide sex to get protection. Obviously, I think there is much more to life than just sex and I think it is a very vulnerable position.l you put yourself into. As adults, romantic relationships essentially codify with sex.
I understand there is some people on this forum that are not interested in sex and I think that's totally fine. I have no judgment against that.
It just depends what an individual is looking for in life. And yes, I do believe there is a difference between sex and making love.

Just because I'm thinking of these things definitely complement people to add some positivity to their day. You're taking an interest and you're making them feel better and then also make you feel better. I like your smile, that's really awesome what you're doing with your business idea, ect. When they like you more, you like them more, it's a positive feedback.
Be playful with woman when you have romantic intent or with your friends. Like being cocky but it's all tongue in cheek. It's like self aware narcissism. They know you're just bullshitting. The playfulness is taking the headshot of it by showing you're not being too serious, you're having fun with it. Like light teasing. Not negging. Never break rapport. It also adds to the masculine female dynamic. Don't do this in a serious situation like meeting at her parents or meeting her friends or meeting strangers.

Also, I'm not talking about every night but women do like to go out. They like to be taken out and a lot of times according to the science women are not dressing up for you or for other guys they're dressing up for other women they want to be seen and they also want to show you off. You don't need to go to the most expensive restaurant but we do like to be seen and they do like to go out.
Women also value a guy that can fix things that can cook. You don't need to be a mechanic or an electrician, but having basic troubleshooting skills being able replace a tire or replace an outlet just small things.
Also pay attention to the details with women limited, generally very detailed oriented.

To address some of the questions and to keep the thread going, from my original post I wanted to grow a friendhsip group so I naturally get better socially, have a genuine life and have something to always talk about with women, that way I don't have to pretend to be anyone, I am living my authentic life and they can sense that. Also naturally the larger your friend group, the more people you meet and it is based off of common interests and you have the scoial filter that you're not some loner.

I have thankfully gone on some dates and have been able to flirt or have romance, just really hard when you have nobody in your life and are isolated. I don't want to be in my house all day and just swipe on dating apps and pretend to be someone that I'm not. I also don't really watch movies or TV shows so I can't participate in the regular day-to-day convos that most people have so I feel like a hermit or menonite that's been dissassociated with pop culture and stuff.

 

[Bianka]

@DarkRange55
How great it is that we're no longer at the mental level of a rabbit anymore

 

[DarkRange55]

@DarkRange55
How great it is that we're no longer at the mental level of a rabbit anymore

Humanity and its precursors (proto-humans) never were…
our primate brain did not get rid of our mammalian brain, which didn't get rid of our reptilian brain, which in turn did not get rid of our chordate reflexes, which in turn did not get rid of our genetic intelligence in the individual cells

@DarkRange55
How great it is that we're no longer at the mental level of a rabbit anymore

The purpose of gene-based life is to pass on genes. If we didn't die, the purpose would be to duplicategenes.
(Some lucky and skillful bacteria don't die for many, many, many generations. In a sense, the first life form is still alive now, since there is a continuous chain of life from it to all current life. In another sense, it has changed enough to no longer be considered the same life form, but where do you draw the line?).

 

[Bianka]

Humanity and its precursors (proto-humans) never were…
our primate brain did not get rid of our mammalian brain, which didn't get rid of our reptilian brain, which in turn did not get rid of our chordate reflexes, which in turn did not get rid of our genetic intelligence in the individual cells

It did tho? What makes us humans is the capability to overcome animalistic instincts. Those who fail, fail at being human beings

 

[DarkRange55]

It did tho? What makes us humans is the capability to overcome animalistic instincts. Those who fail, fail at being human beings

Thats a matter of definition. What does it mean to be human? The human brain is an evolutionary mismatch for the modern world. Also we are still beholden to our instincts. Just look around…

It did tho? What makes us humans is the capability to overcome animalistic instincts. Those who fail, fail at being human beings

If we can rise above our tribal instincts - I think I found the problem.

"The real problem of humanity is the following: we have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and god-like technology."
- Edward O. Wilson, 2009

It did tho? What makes us humans is the capability to overcome animalistic instincts. Those who fail, fail at being human beings

Just because human beings have reached a higher level of consciousness than the beast that kill each other in the jungles, does not mean that we have outgrown our instincts, or urges, and if anything, the fruits of our mental prowess have made us the most fear and ruthless creatures yet

 

[theboy]

exploring your body in a sensual way may help you feel more confident about having sex with your partner.

 

[Bianka]

Thats a matter of definition. What does it mean to be human? The human brain is an evolutionary mismatch for the modern world. Also we are still beholden to our instincts. Just look around…

If we can rise above our tribal instincts - I think I found the problem.

"The real problem of humanity is the following: we have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and god-like technology."
- Edward O. Wilson, 2009

Just because human beings have reached a higher level of consciousness than the beast that kill each other in the jungles, does not mean that we have outgrown our instincts, or urges, and if anything, the fruits of our mental prowess have made us the most fear and ruthless creatures yet

Is there a bigger sin than the not thinking man? One who gives in to animal insticts? It's there, always will be but we have the potencial to separate mind from body. Those who won't even try, spit in the face of humanity. No better than crawling worms in their own soil

 

[SexyIncél]

Erotics can let you go deep into someone's unconscious. I wouldn't necessarily call it primitive; it's a vector into someone's mind

 

[DarkRange55]

Is there a bigger sin than the not thinking man? One who gives in to animal insticts? It's there, always will be but we have the potencial to separate mind from body. Those who won't even try, spit in the face of humanity. No better than crawling worms in their own soil

Sin a theological term. Again, what it means to be human is a matter of personal interpretation…

 

[DarkRange55]

Is there a bigger sin than the not thinking man? One who gives in to animal insticts? It's there, always will be but we have the potencial to separate mind from body. Those who won't even try, spit in the face of humanity. No better than crawling worms in their own soil

Importance is also an evaluator specific term. And value itself is a human concept generated by us.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I've been dry for years despite being in a relationship. I guess I just got used to sex not being part of life anymore. The urges are still there but most days they're subconsciously squished before they get any real chance to emerge.

In general I tend to think if something is difficult to come by it's best to just put it to bed, mentally. As much as you can do, anyway. Otherwise it's like going past the Lamborghini dealership every day. You can drive yourself crazy with temptation, or just accept that it won't happen.

Granted I can understand why you wouldn't be ready to do that at 29, and I'm not saying it won't happen for you. Just that I do sort of feel @Darkover on this.

 

[Bianka]

@DarkRange55
Ah yes, the "There is no objective truth" argument