Discussion What's stopping you from healing?

[dogemn]

Many people who struggle with suicidal thoughts are also dealing with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. What do you feel has been the biggest obstacle to your healing or recovery? Has treatment not worked for you? Has something else gotten in the way?
I'm interested in hearing what you feel has been the biggest barrier in your own experience

 

[Sicariidae]

Because my diagnosis is chronic and medication only sedates me. I don't think life is worth it like that, what kind of life is that? If people were less selfish and allowed me to die I'd be gone. There's no "healing" for me, no good ending, so even if I tried again there's nothing good about it, my ex completely gave up in a relationship or improving herself and my friends have other friends closer to them (including my ex), I'm meaningless and don't bring anything good to anyone, not even my family so I just don't care about healing because it's not an option anymore sadly.

 

[ZwartHartje]

My mental health by itself is totally fine, or at least would be under normal conditions. But when everyone you loved gets murdered, that's not something you can expect to heal from. I don't have any mental illness, just trauma and grief inflicted by the very worst kind of murderous psychopaths.

 

[ilovejennaside]

Many people who struggle with suicidal thoughts are also dealing with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. What do you feel has been the biggest obstacle to your healing or recovery? Has treatment not worked for you? Has something else gotten in the way?
I'm interested in hearing what you feel has been the biggest barrier in your own experience

I think healing depends on if you're capable of resolving the problems that you have in life or not like if it's something unsolvable like chronic pain for example then you would be better off Crossing to the other side also if you just generally can't find something to look forward towards and to live for then life most probably wouldn't be worth it in order to heal we need to be able to fix what is broken first otherwise there isn't a point to continuing on ultimately you can heal what's actually healable.

 

[Set Real Goul]

This turned into a random rant. Sorry >_<

my father is an alcoholic, and he's had an unbelievably destructive impact on my life. I don't even want to get into everything that happened throughout my childhood when he behaved horribly that would require a separate very long post.
Imagine telling your eight year old child that they're responsible for all your problems: your alcoholism, the fact that you never became a successful rock musician, your smoking habit, and that you can't relax and enjoy music anymore just because your kid asked you to turn Rammstein down.

Every single time I managed to climb out of a depressive episode, or started feeling more confident, or simply began enjoying life again, he would do something awful some ridiculous, explosive fight that would set me back badly. I have quiet borderline personality disorder, so those things affected me deeply.

even though I hated him for most of my teenage years, I still had to spend a huge part of every day around him. he used my room as his office and would stay there from around 4 pm until midnight. It would have been one thing if he'd actually been working, but instead he spent those hours scrolling facebook.

he would throw my mother out of the house and constantly create chaotic, toxic situations. one time whether intentionally or accidentally, I still don't know after more than nine years because they were both drunk he shoved my mother, and she hit the floor face-first.
i ran over, and he immediately STARTED INSISTING THAT NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. my mother was crying, saying that he'd pushed her. I didn't trust him. I got her some ice and stayed with her for the next two hours.
Then he started demanding that I leave the room. He cried, complained that nobody appreciated him, threatened me, insulted me, and when none of that worked, he threatened to kill himself, which pushed me into a complete panic. he even acted out his "preparations". he climbed into the attic and pretended he was going to hang himself.
Now I know he never would have actually done it. He's far too narcissistic for that.

Right now I'm dealing with severe anhedonia and serious sleep problems. I can only sleep for about three hours at a time.

Anyway... this ended up turning into a much bigger rant than I intended.

 

[FF777]

i don't have any emotional disorders or trauma really, besides maybe slight autism maybe.. i actually have high confidence in my self and think i'm generally a cool person..
but i have ear problems (tinnitus and very sensitive ears, so i always have to use earplugs to protect my ears from medium/loud sounds), and i had a stroke in 2020 (that i stupidly caused my self) that caused severe brain damage, so my conditions don't have any cures no matter how much money i have and they aren't any thing i can cure from things like therapy or any thing..

my father is an alcoholic

man, alcoholism pretty much destroys a person's life every time.. and it can cause brain damage if done too much and it can actually physically warp the brain's shape a little bit over time.. i've never even touched the stuff except one time when i tried a sip and it tasted like donkey poop.. but i hope you can some how get some of the negative aspects in your life in to better shape some how, like the anhedonia and insomnia stuff.. and i hope you can get your self-confidence up a bit higher if you have low self-confidence.. i think that self-confidence/self-worth plays a big factor of how well your life ends up going.. i know you've been through a crappy childhood with your deadbeat dad and all, but there is no reason you shouldn't believe that you are still an inherently awesome person any way.. it's just mentally healthy for you..

 

[merlinghost]

The metaphor I would use is a car. You might like how your car drives or just the fact that it's ole' reliable. Ultimately a car can get to the point where the time/effort/money for the repairs required to get it running again exceeds the what the car is worth. You may decide to get rid of the car in that case.

 

[pieceoffox]

My illness is chronic, and I'll never be able to get rid of it. I'll have to take medications for the rest of my life, and hopefully, I'll go into remission. I'm still trying to find a treatment, but I'm just wondering what will happen next. I'm very tired

 

[TwistedNightmares]

The syndrome that I was born with is incurable, so I will never be able to heal from that. Lifelong trauma is also a struggle for me, which I will probably never be able to heal from either, as I am stuck/can't escape from my current terrible situation.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Resources (funds).

 

[plskilme]

Not being able to get a job in the field I studied in college and not being able to move out (due to lack of funds) and being behind my peers/family in life. I know that might sound selfish, but I'm 27 now and still living at home with my family. I can't take this shit anymore. I need to get out of here...

 

[Forever Sleep]

Social anxiety has held me back or made life extremely difficult/ unpleasant.

I think just acknowledging reality too. Some would call it pessimism but then, it got to a point- chatting to multiple others who had achieved what I always wanted in life- that I didn't want that life either! So- with your best case scenario looking tarnished- what do you aim for?

Plus, just simply a strong dislike for many essential life requirements. There simply feels like there isn't much to be done to overcome hating enormous chunks of life! So many things feel like a chore. Coping mechanisms only go so far.

Plus, just natural aging. Life becoming physically harder. Approaching the menopause and the changes there. Yet, knowing the expectation to work and sustain myself will never f*cking end. Therefore- it makes sense I will need to end it myself- before it gets even worse!

 

[suncide10]

I tried once, it was going okay I still was kinda depressed but I was more optimistic and was able to motivate myself. This year out of nowhere my depression got worse and I feel too exhausted to do something about it.

 

[ScarletTanager]

Trauma, regret, tragedy, guilt, lack of opportunity, uncertainty about my future, shame, secrets, illegal activities, loss of family, estrangement from extended family, loss of my religion, alcoholism, drug addiction, things about my past I don't like, dead ex's, dead friends, dead family, living in the greedy U.S., lack of affordable living situations, can't talk to people about certain issues, can't and could not in the past find love and respect in time, things seem cheesy the older I get, don't care about this world anymore and they don't need me either so, I could go on….plus actually going thru with it scares me less now, my only hang-up is I can not imagine not having a body. But I have issues so many of them…

 

[Lazuli]

I can't bring myself to open up to strangers so I deliberately withheld information or even altered it when speaking to a therapist.

 

[android]

I want to suffer, I want pain, I want to feel like shit. How can you heal when your mind wants pain?

Many people who struggle with suicidal thoughts are also dealing with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. What do you feel has been the biggest obstacle to your healing or recovery? Has treatment not worked for you? Has something else gotten in the way?
I'm interested in hearing what you feel has been the biggest barrier in your own experience

 

[Lucifer’s Son]

Good therapy. I only have access to cbt and dbt type shit.
And I also missed out on opportunities because of my mom.

 

[FuneralCry]

That wouldn't even make sense to me as existence is the problem, all that existence ever does is just cause all this suffering all for the sake of it with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, existence just tortures existing beings and I'll just always see it as an abomination to suffer in this existence so torturous and dreadful.

If being healed means wanting to be burdened with this terrible, cruel and deeply undesirable existence for decades longer just to face the terrible extreme agony of old age then I'd never wish for that, I want peace instead, existence will always be a mistake that should never be imposed and it's just so terrible how humans cause all this harm and suffering by imposing this existence that there was never a need for at all. Existing will always be completely futile and I'd only be relieved to never suffer in this torturous, existence ever again, for me non-existence is just all that's positive and is all I could hope for.

 

[F@#$]

My broken fuckin brain.

 

[Dinorun]

i feel like at this point is my mind i implanted so many wrong lessons so many self worth and self esteem issues and self hate andspent the complete majority of my life reharesting them in my mind that no matter how much proof im making that im ok and that im just human and did whatever i could when i was that age with what i knew

it just goes from one ear and leaves the other its imposible for me to not fall back on this petterns and thoughts and destroy everything i work for time after time and distancing and everything my biggest wish is to just feel like a normal human being godamn

 

[Ghostofthepast]

Many people who struggle with suicidal thoughts are also dealing with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. What do you feel has been the biggest obstacle to your healing or recovery? Has treatment not worked for you? Has something else gotten in the way?
I'm interested in hearing what you feel has been the biggest barrier in your own experience

Narcissist psychopath ex family opening old wounds I thought was healed people refusing to leave me and

 

[Pluto]

 

[dogemn]

My broken fuckin brain.

I feel you. I have no idea how to fix my broken brain, it's really hard when you have treatment-resistant mental illness and nothing really works.

I want to suffer, I want pain, I want to feel like shit. How can you heal when your mind wants pain?

I feel like that's one of the worst things about depression, it's that you don't even wanna get better

 

[kunikuzushi]

I'm diagnosed with two of the most stigmatized disorders. It's even stigmatized in this very post. Even by mental health professionals at my treatment center. It's everywhere. I've just internalized that I'm a horrible person that deserves to die, is incapable of loving and being loved, and can't heal.

 

[KatalinaKrimson]

The pain

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

exhaustion and anxiety. always anything that could help i am too scared to do or too tired. my heart feels empty i just don't care to get better anymore.

 

[softfur]

i just don't have the strength to pull myself out of here and no one's coming to save me

 

[burninghill]

A lack of support and maybe subsequently a lack of will to improve.

I've never felt like people really cared about my mental health, although I'm told a lot by people that they do. In the moment, nobody knows what to do or what to say and so they do nothing or take your perhaps selfish behaviour very personally.

I've experienced this cycle so many times that I just no longer even want help, I just want to die.

 

[sotomie]

I make enough to survive but not enough to comfortably spend money every month on therapy, medication, consultations, and all the little expenses that come with trying to become a functional person again. "Hope" is expensive. Most importantly, I have no will power.

 

[interna]

i don't want to