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W

WaitingWesting

Member
Oct 22, 2020
23
I have my first grandchild on the way. My mother was not there for me when i became a mother and i could not imagine not being there for my daughter and holding her hand during this time in her life.
 
FatalSystemError591

FatalSystemError591

{He/They}
Oct 12, 2020
229
I don't know if it is enough to be considered SI but when I think about going through with it, I freeze.

And my gf has already been through a lot regarding death and she seems to love me, somehow. She knows I want to ctb, but I know if I did she would find a way to blame herself, despite the fact that she is the one reason I lived a year longer than anticipated
 
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Reactions: Dark Spring
Dark Spring

Dark Spring

Sobreviviendo
Sep 29, 2020
116
I feel that I'm a coward and that I care a lot about my brothers and how they will be if I CTB
 
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,015
Same here. My odds aren't too hot, but I'm not prepared to give up yet.
One day at a time friend. Hopefully we both get our saving grace.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Rn110bg101 and Sensei
LastWhisper

LastWhisper

Who cares if I'm drunk?
Oct 29, 2019
223
A few people needs my support (I know, it's funny and ridiculous because I'm really useless) to manage their life, so until they're done with that I'm still here, but it should not take so much time.
 
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Reactions: Baba, Disappointered and Dark Spring
G

gcarb

Member
Oct 26, 2020
24
Hope for a better future and that one day I will not-know and live.
 
T

TheEndisNear121200

Student
Oct 10, 2020
109
I'm never home alone because of the pandemic. I only need a few hours alone and I will no longer be here
 
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Reactions: TimeToBiteTheDust
BridgeJumper

BridgeJumper

The Arsonist
Apr 7, 2019
1,193
Survival instinct and crippling pain
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,298
I don't know how I will be alone in the house because of lockdown. Even SI has fucked off, that is the only problem that remains.
 
Rn110bg101

Rn110bg101

I want to go home
Apr 18, 2019
412
I'm waiting for a good time where my mother will be outside of the house. That will be either soon, or far off (everyone keeps talking about reconfinement…)
 
G

greebo6

Enlightened
Sep 11, 2020
1,664
The date I picked hasn't come around yet and I'd kind of like to stick to it for some reason .
( Don't ask me why .I know its illogical. )
 
I

I screwed up

Waiting for the damn bus
Sep 11, 2019
883
SI and the fact I m a freakin gutless chicken to ctb. I hate myself .. No guts, no resources and bloody SI
 
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Reactions: Disappointered, disabledandhopeless and dysfunctional
W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,278
Some hope, I would like to have a girl or boy friend once in my life. SI is also there. I would like to move to Hawai'i to either live or ctb.
 
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Reactions: Disappointered and Meditation guide
dysfunctional

dysfunctional

Arcanist
Oct 26, 2018
459
SI and I can't get past what it would do to my family. Also I'm getting slightly better from my bipolar depression.
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide
TripleA

TripleA

life is a struggle you cannot win
Sep 25, 2020
274
Im waiting for my ordered SN
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

Visionary
Dec 1, 2019
2,359
My stubbornness. I'm too stubborn to completely give up and admit defeat. Also I'm stuck in a limbo of wanting to die and not wanting to die, I just go round and round in circles.
 
  • Like
Reactions: chrisbate7, disabledandhopeless, Meditation guide and 1 other person
BipolarGuy

BipolarGuy

Enlightened
Aug 6, 2020
1,456
My stubbornness. I'm too stubborn to completely give up and admit defeat. Also I'm stuck in a limbo of wanting to die and not wanting to die, I just go round and round in circles.
You could have said:

"I can't die, I have a suicide forum to moderate"
 
MrBlue

MrBlue

Arcanist
Jul 1, 2020
416
I don't have any completley reliable methods atm, and members of my family have had to deal with people closer to them ctb before so I'm finding it difficult to overcome the guilt of them dealing with it again. I know I'll kill myself eventually, I just might have to hold on and suffer into my late 20/30's before my loneliness catches up to me.
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide
B

bigdog

Arcanist
Jul 12, 2020
434
I am afraid of pain. I was ready to do it few times on impulses. My method is SN + benzos
And I don't want to fuck it up
 
  • Like
Reactions: Meditation guide
Bull in a China shop

Bull in a China shop

Self destruction button in play
Oct 21, 2020
41
Just getting money together, have looked into being cremated( if my body does come back into shore) they pick your body up no messing, no funeral just straight to it, few more things to sell then should be sorted.
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide
Soulless Angel

Soulless Angel

Did someone say Rum?
Jul 6, 2020
1,272
I'm living for everyone else, I no longer get time alone, the next time I try it will be a 3am attempt, everyones snoring no one will notice me missing, but I don't know when i will get that time, that's why I am still here
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide
J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
Being a mental hospital
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide
Pho3nix

Pho3nix

Wishing for eternal sleep
Oct 20, 2020
398
The lack of a proper method and the fact that I might get caught.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Meditation guide
elzo5678

elzo5678

Member
Oct 6, 2020
61
It's my birthday next Monday and I'm celebrating it with my boyfriend in another city. If I didnt have him and this trip to look forward to, I wouldnt hesitate one moment.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Meditation guide
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,082
I would like to move to Hawai'i to either live or ctb.
It's an incredibly small island and it's surprisingly easy to get stir crazy on a little island, go batty from it after a few months.
 
W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,278
It's an incredibly small island and it's surprisingly easy to get stir crazy on a little island, go batty from it after a few months.
i know in advance, cheesy and maybe in poor taste, but I need a laugh today, as far as go batty from it in a few months of being in Hawai'i, but I am batty already! I do agree that it is a small island, but there are other islands in the chain and airlines fly between them for like around $65 each way. Also it is kinda midway between USA mainland and Australia, New Zealand, Japan..etc...
 
  • Like
Reactions: Meditation guide
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,082
Also it is kinda midway between USA mainland and Australia, New Zealand, Japan..etc...
It's very nice if you can afford it. Kind of expensive. I've lived there and miss it. Nice if you like beaches.
 
W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,278
It's very nice if you can afford it. Kind of expensive. I've lived there and miss it. Nice if you like beaches.
I totally agree that it is more expensive. i really love the North Shore of Oahu, beautiful beaches, look over my shoulder at the mountains in the background and of course ALL of the darn wild chickens running around. I am by myself, and I do not have alot of money BUT I do not need much and I have water budget tastes. I grew up ultra poor and it has always been ingrained in me to be frugal. Have to ask @Meditation guide, would you go back and live in Hawai'i?
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,082
would you go back and live in Hawai'i?
Yes if I had plenty of money. The clean air and climate would probably cure most of my problems with breathing. I was incredibly healthy when I lived there.
 

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