I'm right there with you. I'm afraid of eternal nothingness too. I also don't have any sort of proper method available to me right now. I keep trying to convince myself to focus and get a method prepared, but I just idly sit where I am every day. I want to avoid further struggles and suffering from mental illness, but borderline personality disorder is keeping me alive as much as it is killing me.
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I'm right there with you. I'm afraid of eternal nothingness too. I also don't have any sort of proper method available to me right now. I keep trying to convince myself to focus and get a method prepared, but I just idly sit where I am every day. I want to avoid further struggles and suffering from mental illness, but borderline personality disorder is keeping me alive as much as it is killing me.
_Kaira_
This Isn't Fine
- Oct 2, 2020
- 826
A few things. Fear of death. Sure I've inflicted pain upon myself countless times, but to actually go all the way with it? I'm a coward through and through, even though I want to end it all ever so badly. I don't even have a proper place and method to do it. I don't have any private spaces that I wouldn't be found extremely quick. I also don't have any funds.
On top of it all, there's one person in my life I'm not so sure would be ok if I did ctb. He's nearly just as broken as I am, only he is absolutely against ctb.
On top of it all, there's one person in my life I'm not so sure would be ok if I did ctb. He's nearly just as broken as I am, only he is absolutely against ctb.
whatacatastrophe
just shoot me already
- Sep 8, 2020
- 16
I think the main thing holding me back nowadays is my dad. He has Parkinsons (maybe) or dementia (maybe) or Huntington's (maybe) and the last thing he needs is me, his main support system, to die on him.
We actually joke about it all the time. She's 76 and I don't know how much time she has left. She could go tomorrow or in another 20 years. I think if she had a veritable terminal illness then that might be feasible.
lostangel
Enlightened
- Mar 22, 2019
- 1,051
I'm afraid spirituality is right and that you had a ''soul contract'' I know I will ctb eventually. I'm afraid of life and that this is what it is.
I'm not afraid of death just dying.
Would it be feasible if she lost you? Would she want to go on without you?
My daughter and I used to talk about it. She always said if I went first she'd be right behind me. And I said if she went first I wouldn't be far behind her. I have things to sort out before I can join her, but I just wish she'd told me she was leaving I'd have preferred to go with her, than live with this agony. We've just had her inquest. Now I need to sort some other things out then I can go join her.
A lot of mums want to leave as well if they lose a child to suicide. Plenty do. So might be worth talking about seriously with your mum? Xx
the last hope that this stupid Doctors make a surgery on me and leave me ion a bearable state, i reqally think they are late, im so furious, and my fuking time is so close
I shit on that "soul contract", lets see what happends with that contract when i drink 10 g of N, and 2 g of cyanide
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I don't want to hurt my family is part of the reason I haven't CTB. I also have this hope that God will take me home soon, and for some strange reason I feel like He will.
Sadgirl17
Member
- Oct 10, 2020
- 7
mathieu
Enlightened
- Jun 5, 2019
- 1,091
I can't seem to get partial to work, I can't afford N rn and I am too gutless to stab myself (method I'm considering).
As for the afterlife... idk I'll take my chances.
As for the afterlife... idk I'll take my chances.
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DepressoEspresso
Member
- Dec 27, 2019
- 31
Personally, I'm only here for others. That is the only reason I still choose to be here. I can't leave knowing the pain I would cause. So I just choose to go on... It sucks knowing I won't ever feel happy. So far, stimulants (as prescribed) are the only thing that makes life semi-tolerable.
killmejacee
Member
- Sep 25, 2020
- 5
A couple things, I don't want to feel like a burden after my death so I want to be able to cover all of my funeral costs and shit like that. Also some of the things I'm interested in, I hate that I won't be able to see them progress and become better, but I also hate my life and it's not enough to keep me alive.
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
Same, so I changed my method to SN. It is still on the way, I'll see how I'll feel when it gets here. I have everything else recommended for this method already.
No I'm not afraid of an afterlife. I don't believe in any. The only thing holding me back is a couple family members and my devastation about how I'll hurt them. Fear of failure is always there but lower on list.
Soul
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
- Apr 12, 2019
- 4,705
My cats are keeping me around. They still make me care.
ARW3N
Melancholia
- Dec 25, 2019
- 366
I'm an atheist with no belief in a post-mortem existence. The main deterrents along with the survival instinct are family and my pet cat. I'm also a coin collector. You hear of those suicide contracts where someone won't do anything silly because they've got to carry out a specific course of action.
So God is a watcher, which is you, and that thing is also watching itself, but from the inside?
Seems like a bit of a paradoxical, useless being.
My two little dogs keep me here. I have no friends and my family isn't the best. My boyfriend took his life in June. I'm so scared of living and dying.
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
Rn110bg101
I want to go home
- Apr 18, 2019
- 413
The only reason I'm not dead yet is because I'm lazy and I worry too much. I know after this is just nothingness, but I wish there was something. I wish, maybe, in an afterlife, I'd be fixed and loved again… Maybe I can go to a timeline where I never hurt my friend, and we could be happy again
