Help How do you cope with waiting?

[fluorescentpearl]

I ordered SN and the order is still processing, if it gets canceled I'll switch to suspension, I just have to ask money in advance for my birthday and go find a place to do it, every day I feel worse, I feel so empty and worthless and I want to get it all over with as fast as possible, how do I cope with waiting?

I know that if I'm right and when dying I'll go back to him, it won't matter when it happens, but I just feel too horrible to continue for too long, you know?

It's rly tiring to wake up everyday, especially after I had such a happy set ctb date that got ruined, I'm not even sure what to do anymore