Discussion What's going on in your mind right now ?

[Cockney_Rebel]

Worrying about @time4sleep .

 

[Luchs]

All in all I feel paranoid, sad and depressed, but also excited.

 

[electrojellysoup]

I am angry. Angry for being forced to be here and stay here. I am also sad, because nobody understands me or knows how to help me. I am also guilty, for being so difficult to handle and be around. And there is the apathy, that nothing matters, that there doesn't *have* to be a way out of this that isn't death, because there is no cosmic rule saying that everything has to turn out okay.

 

[Deltawaves74]

That's it's not long now. I have stopped contact with services so they won't suspect anything and to be honest I'm doing them a favour. All paper work shredded disposed of, house cleaned. Just waiting on my delivery then I can go knowing it's right for everyone. I have a special place where I'm hoping I won't b found at least not for a long time.

 

[ShadowsFall]

I worked from 5am until 10pm yesterday. Feel like shit, and just waiting for another burnout to take place. I'm scheduled at 1pm today, but I just want to go to sleep and drift off into the shadows.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Constant anhedonia/apathy to the point were EVERYTHING is such a chore and hurts. It's far too much to take, and it's no quality of life for anyone. It leaves me thinking of the best way to CTB nearly 24/7, with minimal damage to my family. I have 2 family members trying to help me, but they don't "get it". I'm done. They don't understand keeping me alive is killing me, so I do just have to get past that and commit. I've attempted multiple times, they know I'm in misery, just don't want to see me commit.

So, what's going through my head is the process of acquiring a better method than SN right now.

 

[Marktheghost]

Not being able to cope with the loneliness! Frustration at not having anyone to enjoy the beautiful weather we've got at the moment with! I just can't cope!! I need someone SOOOOOO bad!!!!!

 

[LittleJem]

I'm walking through a part of London I used to live in, watching the normal, happy people in pubs, wearing sunglasses, holding hands. I feel like Joaquin Phoenix's Joker. Right now, just low and grim and maudlin. My work is about to make me redundant. My job was the last thing I had left in my life and no escape from mental illness. I'm remembering how ill I was when I walked these streets before. Which was 17 years ago now. I feel like I'm walking back through my own madness and suffering. When does it end.

 

[IanUK]

My feelings get lower by the day. Covid, lockdowns, confusing messages from government and left wing insanity has finished me. I'm 60 in October but I still have years to go. I've already lodged instructions with my doctor that I no longer want treatments and am going to take my chance hoping I get ill; no way am I going anywhere near the NHS as we must protect that particular quasi religion at all costs. I'm hoping I get cancer or heart disease and hope I don't make old bones but my depression is low and I keep looking for a painless drug or non scary way out. I feel I live in a society that is sick with violence and insanity and you would think they would be happy to help people who want to, to die. Why is society so determined to prolong life? It's like the ultimate insult to create an unliveable world and force you to live in it.

That's it's not long now. I have stopped contact with services so they won't suspect anything and to be honest I'm doing them a favour. All paper work shredded disposed of, house cleaned. Just waiting on my delivery then I can go knowing it's right for everyone. I have a special place where I'm hoping I won't b found at least not for a long time.

Can I ask what are you going to use? Is it painless and quick? I HAVE to have an exit strategy - every day I wake up and my heart hits the floor as I realise another day of insanity in 2021. I don't belong in this new normal, I don't want to belong, I want out of it or at least the option. Many thanks

I'm having constant emotional pain and suicidal ideation. Always, everywhere, no matter what I do.

Nothing relieves the pressure anymore. Neither writing, nor the crisis hotline. Therapy is failing.

Everything is getting worse and worse.

I'm even tired of venting here, it's always my same whining.

I know and feel your pain

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

That these feelings about wanting to leave have been more dark and real than they ever have been.

Everything about being human and interacting with other people has become beyond weird.

 

[Dead Meat]

That I am totally FUBAR

 

[Foreversad]

Food sex some guys i like and suicide at my own timetable

 

[Promortalist_]

 

[Life_and_Death]

Why am i still alive?

 

[Gaybonez]

What's going on, how do you feel ?

Do you want to share something without having to make a new post. Share it here.

Life is difficult, hope you find peace.

Fear. I came online because I've been feeling like an outcast lately even though I am far from one and I wanted to be around people who can relate.

 

[meetapple]

I feel that my ability to conform requires an exertion of energy which feels pointless if I am going to CTB. I just don't like getting punished by society constantly.

 

[W’ren]

I am wondering why my ex is tormenting me like he is when he knos the stress and anxiety he is causing will simply push me to ctb.

Wondering if that's actually what he *reallty* wants… Is my suicide his endgame?

So tired of being unable to live my life because he doesn't respect boundaries and because he *thinks* he owns me…

He. Is. My. EX!!! Argh!!

(yes police are involved)
Any advice, anyone?

 

[nobodyspecial]

The desire to die is really strong today, the strongest it's been honestly. Don't have any means to go out now, but if this continues this way, I'll grab some rope on Friday and scout somewhere nearby to finish it soon.

 

[Bruces]

Thinking about the peace of death,no work,no chores,bills etc