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What would you do with 20k usd before you ctb?
Thread starterMinsu
Start date
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it's deleted unfortunately, but notice how he didn't defend himself? he only used info I told him in good faith to make me feel bad about my situation. He's deflecting
I would disperse it to the people I care about that need it the most. Any joy and pleasure I would get out of spending it on myself would be short-lived.
going to get a tremendous amount of hate, but lately I just don't care anymore. My wife hasn't slept with me for 4 years, doesn't touch me or anything. we talked about it and it'll change for a day and then go back to it. So.. with that said here is what I would most likely do. Get a boat load of escorts, doing this until I unable to I am not in my 20s or 30s anymore so I doubt it'll go far, but just to be TOUCHED that way would do my lack of dopamine good. yeah, I'll be a cheating POS, like I said I tried the right way, the rebel in me wants to do the bad way now. I am on disability (PTSD,Panic,Anxiety disorder,Bi polar type 1) so we are basically just using each other so we have money for a place to stay. Roomates to say the least.
I would likely go visit japan, eat a ton of ramen (it's probably why I am morbidly obese, I love ramen). likely visit the red district and get escorts there too. I always wanted to make love to a japanese woman..Not because of weeb reasons either. most of them are beautiful and kind (talked to a few in my old age). Drink with locals and play some retro games with them, Or go to the "break" room so I can smash things with a baseball bat or golf club.
My last place would be the phillipines. Give my self ONE LAST CHANCE to find the love my heart is starving for. After so many failures of American women, including my marriage. My father in law being a old and fat guy found a beautiful wife that stayed with him for almost 20 years before his passing. She loved him dearly, his ex wife (mother in law) is satan reincarnate. My wife loves her (it's her mom after all) but she got some karma in the form of Dementia. Given the PTSD given to me in my first 3 years of marriage. I don't feel an ounce of bad. if the likely case of me not finding that happy ever after. then I would CTB. Tired of this loneliness of no real friends and a wife that is double amputated and selfish given all I have done for her, Sacrificed my old life for her only to get the SAME TREATMENT I GOT FROM PREVIOUS LOVERS. So call me what you will. I no longer care. hate me...pick a number and stand in line.
Donate all of it to those in need, give back to my/your community, or some other philanthropic act. Do it anonymously. You may not be able to see the effects of that, but others will.
I would try and use the money to spread "joy" before I die. Because suicide often causes pain to people left behind it (even if you have no relatives or friends, it might just be as simple as traumatizing the person who finds you in a hotel room or the medics dealing with your dead body) I would try to balance out that pain in the grand scheme a little bit.
In fact I think I would even take a loan before I die so I have even more money that I can give away or use. Give it to random homeless people or friends online, donate to charities, help gofundmes with people struggling with disease or can't pay their vet bills. Anything like that.
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