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DiscussionWhat were your life goals/dreams/ambition before you became suicidal, did you achieve them nonetheless ? #43
Thread starterMeltingBrain
Start date
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I lived in Nashville as a professional musician for seven years. The world turned upside down in 2020, then I had a kid, so that put an end to that. If things were different, I'd move to Clarksdale, Mississippi to try again
Because I did well in school with no effort, I was told from a young age I would grow up to be successful, so my goals weren't so much goals as they were things I just expected to happen. Things like getting a scholarship to uni, getting a good job, making lotsa money, you get the drift.
Unfortunately academic ability in primary and secondary school doesn't necessarily continue into third level and I turned out to be just a midwit good at memorising and regurgitating information, but unable to come up with a single original thought or stand out from my peers in any way. Many such cases!
I'm not even just a middling student now but actually totally fucking useless, I struggle to even do the bare minimum. On top of that, I'm also incapable of interacting with people and making friends. My goals now look more like; finally finish a fucking degree after 2 years of wasting time, get some fucking work experience so I have more than "BA in History and Politics" to put on my fucking CV, make A friend (just one friend, seriously), make my parents slightly less disappointed in me).
I had a stupid dream: I wanted to play guitar in a band.
Actually, I did, for something like... 1 or 2 years
Then stuff happened, and I couldn't play anymore, so my depression increased. Only a few years, and yet I won't ever forget how I felt, back then. Best time I ever had, after all
I never had the chance to not be suicidal and form goals. The suicidal ideation and hate for life came before I was even thinking of forming goals. I have achieved none of them because I have none and am a useless failure.
My biggest goals were to meet an important long distance person, become a hospice nurse, and live happily with many pets nearby. None of those things are going to happen but I've just stopped caring that it doesn't matter. I think my past enthusiasm was so cute but I doubt I'll ever get it back.
My biggest goals were to meet an important long distance person, become a hospice nurse, and live happily with many pets nearby. None of those things are going to happen but I've just stopped caring that it doesn't matter. I think my past enthusiasm was so cute but I doubt I'll ever get it back.
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