What was your life like at 23?

[woxihuanni]

I was making a fresh start and working very hard. The fruit of my labour over long years is left to rot.

 

[s1mplem3]

My life at 23 was pretty much the same as at 16 and now - work, taxes and bills.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I was ten foot tall and bulletproof. And of course, I was terribly, terribly drunk.

 

[DyingisHard93]

Im 23 now and it's been the worst year of my life .

 

[BitterlyAlive]

It really bums me out to see so many people in their early 20s on here. If I could go back to my early 20s I might have had a chance to make different choices and not end up where I am now at 40, a complete loser.

When I was 22 I was in college. I already started off at a disadvantage because I didn't pick a college major at 18. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to be. I finally found one when I was 21 and I was behind but not too behind. I made a decision at 22 to move to another state 1000 miles away WITH my abusive parents, and transfer to a university near where they lived. I could have stayed at my first school and built an independent life for myself, struggled through the adjustment of being on my own, and dealt with my issues then.

Instead, moving in with them allowed them to continue to abuse me...I was under their spell and didn't know it was wrong. I developed a chronic illness while living with them which ruined my career because it pulled me out of the workforce for 5 years while I floundered, going in and out of hospitals, quitting jobs because the symptoms got too severe. Once I got better in 2010, I was 30. I started to work full time then, but it was too late. I never took off because that 5 year gap in my resume made it impossible for me to move up to a better job. Nobody wanted me because my industry is too oversaturated and the employers hold all the cards. Now you can't even get a job WRITING ABOUT my field without a PhD.

I will never be able to financially support myself. I am living with a man who is taking care of me. He says that if I don't keep my mental health under control he will be forced to kick me out. But I own half this house. I helped remodel and fix up this land with him 5 years ago. I plan to die here, whether I am 40 or I'm 90. Either we live happily ever after and pass away an old couple together in this house, or I kill myself in this house the day he asks me to leave. That's it. It is my cradle and my grave.

When I was 22/23 I had a chance to make a different choice but I didn't see it at the time. I wish like anything I could go back to that year and choose to stay in my first school and graduate more or less on time and get myself into a job. I could have built a life for myself there without my abusive parents in my life. 23 is still really young. You've barely lived life. I used to think I was so old back then but now at 40, being ACTUALLY not young...the last time I felt young is hard to pinpoint. It just slowly slipped away.

You still have time to make different choices and salvage your adulthood.

Thanks for sharing your story. Based on what you wrote, I don't think you made a stupid decision moving with your parents, because abusive people have a way of...keeping a hold on you. It's awful. Regardless, I'm really sorry that you had to suffer through everything you did.

I hope you get to stay with this man. I hope he can see that you're struggling, you own half the house, and you've helped out a lot despite everything that has happened.

I don't feel old at all at 23; if anything I feel very naive and immature. Despite that, I have wanted to die for 11 years. I still don't want to remain here. I don't see anything getting better. Even if my anxiety and depression improve, life is still hell and I want out. I still feel like all I'll ever be is a burden and a waste, and nothing will change that. I'm not living for others either.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I was ten foot tall and bulletproof. And of course, I was terribly, terribly drunk.

This about sums it up.

I know now I'm not invincible, I just don't care for different reasons now.

 

[Eren]

Now I am 25 years old, and unfortunately nothing has changed. At 23 years old it was the first time I entered this forum.

 

[rebelsue]

Thanks for sharing your story. Based on what you wrote, I don't think you made a stupid decision moving with your parents, because abusive people have a way of...keeping a hold on you. It's awful. Regardless, I'm really sorry that you had to suffer through everything you did.

I hope you get to stay with this man. I hope he can see that you're struggling, you own half the house, and you've helped out a lot despite everything that has happened.

I don't feel old at all at 23; if anything I feel very naive and immature. Despite that, I have wanted to die for 11 years. I still don't want to remain here. I don't see anything getting better. Even if my anxiety and depression improve, life is still hell and I want out. I still feel like all I'll ever be is a burden and a waste, and nothing will change that. I'm not living for others either.

I feel you...I've wanted to die since I was like 8...i remember having those thoughts that early. how fucked up is that? My suicidal thoughts have become like an old friend in some ways.

Thank you
I hope you do find happiness because you do deserve happiness.
What is your field by the way?
Take care

Infectious diseases, molecular bio. I seriously wish I'd studied respiratory viruses lol I'd be employed in a snap with all the covid testing. Alas, I studied foodborne illness. Silly me for thinking that was important... /sarcasm

 

[willitpass]

Hi everyone
Here is a fun theread i created in which we can freely discuss and share.
I turn 23 next week on wednesday. I dont even want to celebrate my birthday because
I have lived all these years and nothing to show for it and no acheivements.

What was your life like at 23 and where are you today?

Here is my life at 23
1) I will still be jobless .Never had a job. I get rejected from various minimum wage jobs. I did a voluntary work placement at uni which involved adivisng people on thier issues regarding debt, housing etc . It went awfully wrong . I struggled with the advising , had clients walk away from me and my colleugues had to take over as i was useless at advising. My confidence in myself was ruined. During uni I was offered a job in this church set up by someone as a saturday job youth worker role. I turned it down as i afriad of messing up again just like I did with the placement.
I regret it everyday because i struggled to find a job ever since. I believe this is my last ever job offer i will ever have in my life. I have major insecruity issues from never having a job.

2) Still living at home in the same neighbourhood and going to the same church ever since i was born. I always thought i will be living in a different city. I hate going in to town and churuch because the people i went go to church with i also went to school with. They ask me what i am doing . It is so awful because there is nothing going for me. The people i go to church with have careers anf relationships they are my age. I still believe in God and stuff. Being unemployed i just want to avoid everyone. I feel like i will be here forever

3)I Feel so lost since graduating university it is awful. I angry at myself for failing to create a stable life before graduating. I needed to secure a job offer, a partner before i graduated.

4) I wish i was the girl i went to school with. She is still with the man i always wanted and a has job. I wish he loved me. I am sick of guys never wanting me.

I have no idea what i want to do with my life it makes me cry. I dont even know where to begin
I cant see my life ever changing. I want to die so i dont have to see the future.
All i want for my birthday is to be happy again .
I dont want any presents or even a cake

i hope i don't live to see 23

 

[Rue89]

At 23 (2019) I quit my job because my anxiety was so bad and the job stressed me out so much. By November my anxiety became too much. I started cutting again and thinking more seriously about ctb. Now I'm 24 and its been over a year out of a job, my anxiety is still as bad as ever, the medication I'm taking for it is doing nothing, and I'm planning to ctb as soon as I can get some time alone away from my family.

 

[Suez]

Hi everyone
Here is a fun theread i created in which we can freely discuss and share.
I turn 23 next week on wednesday. I dont even want to celebrate my birthday because
I have lived all these years and nothing to show for it and no acheivements.

What was your life like at 23 and where are you today?

Here is my life at 23
1) I will still be jobless .Never had a job. I get rejected from various minimum wage jobs. I did a voluntary work placement at uni which involved adivisng people on thier issues regarding debt, housing etc . It went awfully wrong . I struggled with the advising , had clients walk away from me and my colleugues had to take over as i was useless at advising. My confidence in myself was ruined. During uni I was offered a job in this church set up by someone as a saturday job youth worker role. I turned it down as i afriad of messing up again just like I did with the placement.
I regret it everyday because i struggled to find a job ever since. I believe this is my last ever job offer i will ever have in my life. I have major insecruity issues from never having a job.

2) Still living at home in the same neighbourhood and going to the same church ever since i was born. I always thought i will be living in a different city. I hate going in to town and churuch because the people i went go to church with i also went to school with. They ask me what i am doing . It is so awful because there is nothing going for me. The people i go to church with have careers anf relationships they are my age. I still believe in God and stuff. Being unemployed i just want to avoid everyone. I feel like i will be here forever

3)I Feel so lost since graduating university it is awful. I angry at myself for failing to create a stable life before graduating. I needed to secure a job offer, a partner before i graduated.

4) I wish i was the girl i went to school with. She is still with the man i always wanted and a has job. I wish he loved me. I am sick of guys never wanting me.

I have no idea what i want to do with my life it makes me cry. I dont even know where to begin
I cant see my life ever changing. I want to die so i dont have to see the future.
All i want for my birthday is to be happy again .
I dont want any presents or even a cake

When I was 23, I was in Prison serving a 4 year sentence, in effect really 5 yrs cos id already served 1yr when they sentenced me to four years. Still better than 8 years which was what I was originally facing before my fab lawyer threw the look at how pathetic she is and how mentally disturbed she is card at the judge and jury and it worked, halving my sentence, so I was actually pretty happy to be serving only four years. So that was the start to my 23rd year. I also got my drivers licence at the age of 23 (also while I was in jail). That was fun. All i had to do was drive around the outside of the courtyard, which was within the parameters of the prison and that was it. No written test. Its so much more complicate to get your drivers licence these days. A good friend of mine, who happened to be in prison with me at the same time, who i kinda had a crush on when i was like 12yrs old, we became an actual thing for real for the first time when i was 23 (yes also while i was in jail) and finally I also passed my School certificate at 23yrs old (I guess its equivalent to a high school graduation?) also while in prison. So alot of achievements for me actually when i was 23yrs old. But.......I was a heroin addict, with a bad rap sheet, thus being in jail and that had been going on a long time. Today...well we are talking decades down the line now. Im 52, no longer on Heroin, but Im on Methadone. To my defence, I was clean for a very long time, this is a recent thing. When i found out that my mum had terminal cancer i folded and started using about 5yrs ago. Luckily I was just as quickly able to see the stupidity of my ways and get treatment before i completely wrecked myself, thus the Methadone. But I am not working at the moment. My mum passed not long ago. Up until I was working and was sucessfull. So a big shift from where I was at 23yrs.

 

[frostedreef]

It really bums me out to see so many people in their early 20s on here. If I could go back to my early 20s I might have had a chance to make different choices and not end up where I am now at 40, a complete loser.

When I was 22 I was in college. I already started off at a disadvantage because I didn't pick a college major at 18. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to be. I finally found one when I was 21 and I was behind but not too behind. I made a decision at 22 to move to another state 1000 miles away WITH my abusive parents, and transfer to a university near where they lived. I could have stayed at my first school and built an independent life for myself, struggled through the adjustment of being on my own, and dealt with my issues then.

Instead, moving in with them allowed them to continue to abuse me...I was under their spell and didn't know it was wrong. I developed a chronic illness while living with them which ruined my career because it pulled me out of the workforce for 5 years while I floundered, going in and out of hospitals, quitting jobs because the symptoms got too severe. Once I got better in 2010, I was 30. I started to work full time then, but it was too late. I never took off because that 5 year gap in my resume made it impossible for me to move up to a better job. Nobody wanted me because my industry is too oversaturated and the employers hold all the cards. Now you can't even get a job WRITING ABOUT my field without a PhD.

I will never be able to financially support myself. I am living with a man who is taking care of me. He says that if I don't keep my mental health under control he will be forced to kick me out. But I own half this house. I helped remodel and fix up this land with him 5 years ago. I plan to die here, whether I am 40 or I'm 90. Either we live happily ever after and pass away an old couple together in this house, or I kill myself in this house the day he asks me to leave. That's it. It is my cradle and my grave.

When I was 22/23 I had a chance to make a different choice but I didn't see it at the time. I wish like anything I could go back to that year and choose to stay in my first school and graduate more or less on time and get myself into a job. I could have built a life for myself there without my abusive parents in my life. 23 is still really young. You've barely lived life. I used to think I was so old back then but now at 40, being ACTUALLY not young...the last time I felt young is hard to pinpoint. It just slowly slipped away.

You still have time to make different choices and salvage your adulthood.

Thanks for making this post. It's shocking how many people in their early 20's are on this site. And just like you, I'd give anything to be young again and get another shot in life.

 

[Oyoy]

I keep coming across this quote-if your not young and stupid you can't be old and wise. I wish this was a fact for meeee!!

 

[mote]

I'm turning 24 soon and I'm similar to you @FireFox only I never got to finish college.

 

[Oh_dear_how_Gastly]

Well I know my life was a lot better when I was 23 than it is now. After hitting 21, the older you get the worse life gets, as least that's been the case in my life. Though I've had depression since middle school its just gotten worse and worse since then. People who have told me that it'll "get better" were talking out of their asses. For some people life does get better, but that just isn't the case for me.

 

[SuicideDJ]

At 23 life was just beginning for me.
Finally after 6 years settled into a job, found marathon running.
The next 24 years seemed to just magically vanish with nothing to show for them.
Only told by counsellor last year that I am probably on the autism spectrum.
Struggling to deal with it at the moment.

 

[BPDbitch]

I'm 23 next year... if I'm still around

 

[Erase.myself]

I am 32 years old.
When I was 23 my life was shit. I just started using heroin, my father died , I was raped shortly after, my eating disorder was out of control, broke up with an abusive partner, had no place to call home...and I wanted to die just as badly as I do now.

 

[Lethe]

I'm 25 now, so that wasn't too long ago. I was still in college, but it was about that time I decided to "get help". Went to therapy, started cross-sex hormones, etc.

 

[ghostgirl1995]

I'm 24 now, 23 was also terrible. Everyone now hates my existence.

 

[Bct]

At that time I foolishly ran a very small business, thought I could live comfortably from it. Nope, it was a disaster from the beginning so I had to close it, and it also triggered my suicidal tendencies again because I'm jobless for almost a year. Even though I got a job again, another series of mistakes lead me here. Wish I was CTB-ing at that time.

 

[Soul]

My mother was a week shy of her 23rd birthday when she killed herself. Her husband had just been killed (he was an Air Force pilot) and she wasn't into raising two offspring who were mere side effects of their relationship. Her cause of death was listed as "post partum psychosis". Post partum with me, that is.

People's fates vary.

 

[rebelsue]

Thanks for making this post. It's shocking how many people in their early 20's are on this site. And just like you, I'd give anything to be young again and get another shot in life.

I don't know what is behind this massive depression and suicidality epidemic among young people. This has to be unprecedented in history. I think we put way too much expectation on young people. Maybe it's our fault. Maybe we are so bound and determined to help young people not make all the same mistakes we did that we give them too much advice that is meant for people older than they are. Maybe we dumped our hindsight on the younger generations. Now they feel so much pressure to make all the perfect choices, to avoid any pain at all. We all stopped being able to accept that pain is a part of life, and then we end up making even MORE true mistakes because we are so busy panicking about making mistakes. I don't know. I am rambling right now. I don't know why kids feel like they need to die because they didn't get a high paying job out of college and the perfect partner and kids. Their parents probably did the same thing mine did...I grew up in the 80s and 90s which is when life was still pretty good for the middle class...my parents expected me to achieve the same things they did but the world was no longer the way it was in the 80s and 90s by the time I grew up. There were too many choices, too many options, too many specialities...everybody is highly educated now because they were told that would make them competitive...but now that it's common it's not competitive anymore. It's really difficult to hit the right combination of skills. A lot of people focused so much on hard skills that they forgot to focus on the soft skills. And even if they did everything perfectly, they neglected self care during the process because the achieve-at-all-costs in developed countries mindset had taken over. Forget your health, happiness, relationships, enjoyment...it's all fluff. Make money. Lots of money. That's your value.

 

[FireFox]

I don't know what is behind this massive depression and suicidality epidemic among young people. This has to be unprecedented in history. I think we put way too much expectation on young people. Maybe it's our fault. Maybe we are so bound and determined to help young people not make all the same mistakes we did that we give them too much advice that is meant for people older than they are. Maybe we dumped our hindsight on the younger generations. Now they feel so much pressure to make all the perfect choices, to avoid any pain at all. We all stopped being able to accept that pain is a part of life, and then we end up making even MORE true mistakes because we are so busy panicking about making mistakes. I don't know. I am rambling right now. I don't know why kids feel like they need to die because they didn't get a high paying job out of college and the perfect partner and kids. Their parents probably did the same thing mine did...I grew up in the 80s and 90s which is when life was still pretty good for the middle class...my parents expected me to achieve the same things they did but the world was no longer the way it was in the 80s and 90s by the time I grew up. There were too many choices, too many options, too many specialities...everybody is highly educated now because they were told that would make them competitive...but now that it's common it's not competitive anymore. It's really difficult to hit the right combination of skills. A lot of people focused so much on hard skills that they forgot to focus on the soft skills. And even if they did everything perfectly, they neglected self care during the process because the achieve-at-all-costs in developed countries mindset had taken over. Forget your health, happiness, relationships, enjoyment...it's all fluff. Make money. Lots of money. That's your value.

Sucide amoung young people has always existed i think we are becoming more aware of it . Young people are being exposed to way more and abuse young people face like child abuse is quite common . Often child abuse is still a taboo in society which is very sad.

Parents dont know how to talk or even listen to thier children. I wish i had an older sibling to help through life. I hate being the oldest so much because if i have problem who do i go to?

I live in the UK and reality TV is a big thing here. We have a show called love island which is a dating show in which young people live in a house and try to find love. The couple who wins get a lot of momey . People on show become famous afterwards. A girl on the show became a millionaire at 22.

People my age are doing big things and feel like a failiure because i have not done anything big with my life.

I live in an area in which the people i go to church with also went to the same school as me. Last year i went to a church party on boxing day it was so awful. I was sitting with this family. There was woman she was asking what i was doing lately. It is so horrible becuase i dont know. She laughed slightly when i said i was job hunting
The people i go to church with have careers and relationships they are my age.

I am a loser everyday i feel powerless to change my life. I have no idea what i want to be .
Getting a job is impossible due to covid19 even my family say dont bother looking for a job . I struggled loooking for work beofre the pandameic shit happened.

The older i am the less men will want me . Men like younger women.

I would rather die of covid19 than live through a recession. The recession scares me more than the virus.
I dont want to be me anymore

 

[Zozo]

Homeless, penniless, and strung out on heroin. Spent a record cold winter living under a bridge. The only thing that made it bareable was I had my girlfriend with me. Until I found out she was blowing dudes for money and crack rocks.

 

[FireFox]

I'm 23 now:

• have a low-paying hospital job despite having a college degree
• moved out of my parents house to live with a roommate
• life is in limbo
• am single, not interested in a relationship
• no future goals

What was your college degree?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

What was your college degree?

Um... the equivalent of general studies. :/ But my classes were in topics like counseling, education, philosophy, public speaking, etc.

 

[rebelsue]

The older i am the less men will want me . Men like younger women.

Men are disgusting and I am sorry that this is such a huge problem in this world. Men should like women their own age. It grosses me out that disgusting fat old men feel entitled to having young women as partners. Fuck that. Young women should be with men their own age so they grow up together and be best friends. But honestly most people are so empty headed that they really are just animals who want to breed, in which case the young female/old male thing works...she's the perfect age for pregnancy and he has accomplishments and security that increase the success of the family. Oh well. This is why there's too many humans on the planet.

 

[FireFox]

Homeless, penniless, and strung out on heroin. Spent a record cold winter living under a bridge. The only thing that made it bareable was I had my girlfriend with me. Until I found out she was blowing dudes for money and crack rocks.

How are you now?
Are you still addicted to heroin?
Herion addiction is awful.
I feel so bad seeing people homeless. I went christmas shopping last year as i was coming out of charing cross station i saw tents and the homeless people were sleeping in the station. I did give some of my money to the homeless.

I have seen homeless people before but not like this.

No one should be sleeping outside.

Um... the equivalent of general studies. :/ But my classes were in topics like counseling, education, philosophy, public speaking, etc.

@BitterlyAlive
Wow thats an interesting mix of subjects . I feel directionless too.

Before you did your college course what were you interestid in working in
What work do you in the hospital.
I hope things work out for you and keep safe
Love your firefox

Im 23 now and it's been the worst year of my life .

I am sorry what has happend?
The responses here have been very interesting. Sorry if i ask too many questions because i want a free flowing discussion.

Before joining this site i always thought websites like this are for fruit cakes and morbid nutjobs. I now realise everyone on the site has a journey that brought them here.
Now since joining i feel like a found place i can truly express how can feel . I am listened to in a way the outiside fails to do.
My family are not great at listening. Talking to them is highly stressful. They miss the point, they say things like " i had it harder than you growing up" , "put it in gods hands" "oh you are lucky to have a family and dont have to work" or "its gods plan why didnt get the job or xyz happned "
I believe in a god but i want my problems fixed as well.

My family believe sucide is selfish in ALL cirucumstances
My friends live far away from me and have own their lives.

I just hope all of us in this site get a happy ending. I mean every word of what i say

 

[Thewetwater]

Im 23 now and it's been the worst year of my life .

:/ life likes to knock us down. But you gotta keep that head up and not let that crown fall.