What motivates you to end it

[Yeah21]

Hello everyone, im fairly new to all of this, but anyways, how are all of you motivated to kill yourselves? I am very mentally weak when it comes to ctb because i feel like i still have a lot to give in this world but i also always feel shit almost every single day, so what type of mentality do you actually have or do you just desire to end it?

 

[fluorescentpearl]

The knowledge that when I'm gone I get to be with my beloved uninhibited by this body

Welcome to sasu! I hope uu find peace and community

 

[3rdworldsadness]

That I'm in mess and the death is the only logical way to get out of here. After death I will return to nothingness, peaceful dimensions..

 

[Ben 111]

The fact that I don't belong in this world and I yearn for home..life exhausts me so much.im introverted and I feel like I don't belong here

 

[Cepheuss]

Theres so much that makes me suicidal but the main thing ill focus on is when i failed my first serious attempt i called my friends, i made albums on my phone of our photos together theyre my reasons to stay and since then ive lost all of them and that was only 3 months ago. Atleast i got two of them back but fuck man they were my reasons to stay they were who i called when i failed and then they all fucked off or fucked me over or i fucked them overits all just wrong nothings felt real since. Last time i attempted i just watched one of those videos ur photo album makes of me and my old best friend that pushed me enough

 

[Lemelonade]

1) I've been unable to feel real joy for a long time now

2) I've struggled and failed to fit in my whole life. Can't finish a degree, can't hold down a job...

3) I've always felt like a visitor, an observer, never part of this world

4) I simply cannot live a happy life within capitalism because of who I am as a person

5) I no longer believe I can heal/overcome my mental illness and life struggles

6) I really, really *tried* for over a decade. I tried very hard and failed. I tried different career paths, therapies, moving to another town... I did get better, but not to the degree I needed to

7) there's just no motivation left to live, earn money, go through the motions, etc. while not knowing for how long until I might be able to feel happy again

8) I'm more excited about death than continuing life.

 

[TiredAndBurntOut]

I see the way the world is going and I refuse to be a willing participant in evil.

 

[brokennsad]

To not feel emotional or mental pain anymore. I'd rather live with physicsl chronic pain

 

[Obetydlig]

Because no matter how alone and in pain i feel now, i fel less so before, and it will get worse in the future. Im scared its too late to end on a high note.

 

[LetMeOut67]

*Loser misfit autistic
*Ageing fearing dementia / loss of faculties
*World has become a hellscape on a scale I'd never have predicted
*Culture is uninspiring

 

[dragonofenvy]

I have been diagnosed with depression since 5. I have wanted to die since I was 8. I am now 25. How long is this temporary problem supposed to be temporary for? No, it's a permanent solution to a permanent problem, but I'm too scared to go through with it.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

1) I've been unable to feel real joy for a long time now

2) I've struggled and failed to fit in my whole life. Can't finish a degree, can't hold down a job...

3) I've always felt like a visitor, an observer, never part of this world

4) I simply cannot live a happy life within capitalism because of who I am as a person

5) I no longer believe I can heal/overcome my mental illness and life struggles

6) I really, really *tried* for over a decade. I tried very hard and failed. I tried different career paths, therapies, moving to another town... I did get better, but not to the degree I needed to

7) there's just no motivation left to live, earn money, go through the motions, etc. while not knowing for how long until I might be able to feel happy again

8) I'm more excited about death than continuing life.

Very similar to this response for me.

I'm tired of always failing and being unable to deal with anything due to anxiety and other issues. Nothing to show for myself after so many attempts but also just being disrespected, abused and cheated every time I have to deal with the outside world is what is really pushing me to die.

 

[passthisnote]

Hello everyone, im fairly new to all of this, but anyways, how are all of you motivated to kill yourselves? I am very mentally weak when it comes to ctb because i feel like i still have a lot to give in this world but i also always feel shit almost every single day, so what type of mentality do you actually have or do you just desire to end it?

death is better for me than living through the future and enduring unnecessary hardship and letting go of my self for the sake of conforming to society

 

[lpdsvm]

I am a citizen of a pariah state. I'm just walking meat.
They can potentially stop any help with document, and I don't live there, and I will never come back. If I get deported, I will CTB before that or right after that if I can't physically do it right away.
I can be broke any time and I am not valuable.
I feel like I'm replaceable any minute (not even hour). I get treated like an unqualified piece if sh&t (which I am) that has to at least pretend to be grateful.
Even though I am what they think, they should not act like that or find a truly good one so I can CTB sooner in peace.
Only a huge amount of money can help me and not sure for how long.

 

[pk@2001]

As existence itself is a curse, so putting an end to it will let me break through that curse

 

[plskilme]

Hello everyone, im fairly new to all of this, but anyways, how are all of you motivated to kill yourselves? I am very mentally weak when it comes to ctb because i feel like i still have a lot to give in this world but i also always feel shit almost every single day, so what type of mentality do you actually have or do you just desire to end it?

Honestly. Its a mix of anxiety and depression and the fact that I fuck everything I'm into up to the point where I can't do it anymore.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Hello everyone, im fairly new to all of this, but anyways, how are all of you motivated to kill yourselves? I am very mentally weak when it comes to ctb because i feel like i still have a lot to give in this world but i also always feel shit almost every single day, so what type of mentality do you actually have or do you just desire to end it?

The motivation for me wanting to end it all are several: i want my bodily pain to stop. Im 39 but have joints like an 80 year old, i have never been loved by any woman, i never had a true friend, i have asperger's, im depressed most of the time and im tired of not fitting anywhere in this world.

 

[singingcrow]

not wanting to grow old

 

[qetyioxz]

Depressed and Lonely, nothing works and no future

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can't know for sure I'll even be able to do it until my time comes. (I'm waiting for my Dad to go first.) That's one major aspect though. Once he's gone, I think I'll feel less obliged to stay. While there are a handful of people after him that may still care, I don't feel like their lives would be as devastated by my suicide.

There's just this pressing need to escape now though. I'm so tired of this life and everything required to sustain it. Life feels like a never ending sequence of chores which are fairly meaningless already. When the need to stay for my Dad is gone, there will be no point at all to them. I'm currently working hard to sustain a life I don't even want!

Within that is the realisation for me- that the better things in life aren't worth the effort put in to get them. That they don't compensate for the bad stuff.

Plus, the natural way of things that life is only likely to become harder as I grow older and my health gets worse. I basically want to rescue myself from a present and future I find increasingly unpleasant and see no way of improving.

Another personal issue for me is that my coping mechanism in life- being creative- has been failing the past few years. As it is, the job is demanding and precarious. Now, it isn't even giving me enough satisfaction.

So- even when there are exciting projects on the horizon, my preference would now be to be dead and not have to deal with them. So- it's also like my best case scenario. The life I thought would sustain/ save me- when I was young and still suicidal- just isn't enough either. I feel like I know I'm done. I just need to be able to act on it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Simply just existing is enough to make me wish for the peace of non-existence where this terrible, torturous existence is finally all gone and forgotten, existence is a mistake and an abomination that only ever tortures existing beings all for the sake of it and I'll just always prefer to not exist no matter what.

Non-existence's is just all I see as positive in this existence of dreadful, torturous suffering that is just waiting to die anyway, I only continue to suffer as a result of being so cruelly denied the option to never suffer in this futile, torturous existence ever again. It's just terrible extreme cruelty how humans have made it illegal to peacefully cease existing, I always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like falling asleep permanently so finally I can be free from this terrible, torturous existence.

 

[Ben 111]

I see the way the world is going and I refuse to be a willing participant in evil.

Yeah its pure evil

The motivation for me wanting to end it all are several: i want my bodily pain to stop. Im 39 but have joints like an 80 year old, i have never been loved by any woman, i never had a true friend, i have asperger's, im depressed most of the time and im tired of not fitting anywhere in this world.

Ur not alone

 

[hdead]

not wanting to grow old

Word. If I was made to have a family and actually care for some other beings, growing old and having kids doesn't sound too bad. But I'm single by choice, didn't have children also by choice and now growing old just looks very bleak - not that it was very appealing before that anyway.

Live hard, die young. If 36 is young. Not planning on making it to 37. Balls to the wall, going out with guitar in hand.

 

[MaggotMuncher202]

I see the way the world is going and I refuse to be a willing participant in evil.

Exaccccccttttlllllyyyyy!!!

 

[zoidberg]

And end to pain, suffering and fear of the future.

 

[sleepytime5]

Hello everyone, im fairly new to all of this, but anyways, how are all of you motivated to kill yourselves? I am very mentally weak when it comes to ctb because i feel like i still have a lot to give in this world but i also always feel shit almost every single day, so what type of mentality do you actually have or do you just desire to end it?

well I have that same feeling, but I got suicidal with time, at first it was impulsive, then I reconsidered, but life proved to me that it really doesn't care whether I do it or not and no one's coming to save me, many days I regretted not doing it earlier, I am still trying because of stupid hope, but it's far away

 

[Cyaneed]

I want my pain to end

 

[fitoo5999]

To not feel emotional or mental pain anymore. I'd rather live with physicsl chronic pain

No you don't because physical chronic pain get your emotional and mental pain. They are linked.

 

[tiramisu]

the thought of how bad everything is and how it keeps getting worse motivates me to put an end to it all.

 

[gemstar]

Hello everyone, im fairly new to all of this, but anyways, how are all of you motivated to kill yourselves? I am very mentally weak when it comes to ctb because i feel like i still have a lot to give in this world but i also always feel shit almost every single day, so what type of mentality do you actually have or do you just desire to end it?

I think I got burnt out from uni,, I lost two people that I loved around the same time, one was my best friend and other was my friend that I had a crush on, (they're still alive just left my life), this then led me to believe I am a bad person, that I am a waste of resources, etc., when I finished uni I realized i stopped enjoying things I used to enjoy and I just don't have anything to live for anymore, nothing I want, no future goals or milestones,, I hardly ever feel happy, I might be depressed idk, sometimes I don't even know what I feel I just feel very bad, sometimes I just feel numb, which is even worse than feeling sad, I always know I'm getting better when I start crying,, I am also just a very lazy person, I have a hard time doing basic chores or planning for things, if I wanted to get better it would take years to fix myself and I simply cannot take more years of this,, also life is objectively not very pleasant, everyone has struggles they go through, even kids, and it pains me to be around people, especially children because they still have so much pain to live through, they're just at the beginning of it all,, and idk how to explain but everything feels like too much, i genuinely just can't anymore,, I hate getting little bursts of sentimental feelings for people and things that I have in my life because I view it as something that's pulling me away from eternal peace, sometimes I even get hopeful that things will be okay again but then I quicky realize what my reality is and that hoping for a good life is stupid, there's only one good choice to be made for me and that is to ctb, but I don't want this to be an impulsive act, I want to be 100% sure when I decide to do it so I'm just living day to day waiting for the right moment to act on these thoughts