What makes you want to CTB? (sadness, emptiness, pain, etc)

[Anon1337]

I'm unable to live a life that is satisfying. My future will be full of hardship and misery. My life will be much worse than it currently is.

 

[whaleandwasp]

Chronic pain and sickness, unbearable exhaustion, medication side effects, no family, looming homelessness, financial ruin and destitution, loneliness, horrible sleep problems. I sleep 3 to 4 hours a night if I'm lucky and wake up at least 8 times, due to neurrological problems. Abusive and humiliating living situation. I get hammered down every single day, told I can't do anything right, pushed around, bullied. I have nowhere else to go. Mental health problems, cptsd, horribly abusive childhood including neglect and abandonment. Zero love growing up. No encouragement, zero physical affection. Never married no kids never had a real relationship. 51 years old, car falling apart, running out of money, non dischargeable debt I'll never be able to repay. The only thing that meant anything to me was my career as a teacher but that was stolen by chronic illness. I just want to not exist and hopefully will make that happen soon.

This reads like something I could have wrote. We share many of the same problems with the exception that I lost the love of my life 12/24/2020, came home to find them dead on the living room floor, and I am a little younger than you. Everything else pretty much fits. I also look at the world and see it all as so pointless. We all lose everything and end up dead anyway. I already have the means to do it painlessly, but I'm just not quite ready yet and I don't know why. I nearly did it in the days and weeks following 12/24/2020, and looking back I wish I had. I let myself get too occupied with funeral and family stuff, and waiting on the autopsy report for months during peak-COVID, and enough time passed that I guess I lost the nerve.

 

[VoidedExistence]

Because I will never have a job and won't have money to live a life. Currently living off of parents' money.

 

[Raven2]

Yes to all that you mentioned. Loneliness, emptiness and emotional pain. I dont really have high hopes that things will improve for me. Too late to turn back the clock now. I'm so tired of going through the motions of life I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it.

 

[Flailure 513282]

I'm so tired of being so f*cking useless. I literally cannot do anything right, I know the world would be better without me, and I'm so tired of having nothing to offer. I wish I was strong enough and proactive enough to CBT.

 

[hematomatema]

Honestly, it's my future. Right now my life is the best it's ever been but I'm scared because it's likely that I have incurable mental disorders that are simply going to get worse. Couple that with the fact I constantly have huge identity crises and that I have a gut feeling I'll never succeed in the discipline I'm most interested in, and it makes me want to end my life on a high note. I've got loads of friends, happy family members, great grades, but the future is just too uncertain and too varied in terms of 'severity' (if you get what I mean) that I just don't really want to live that long.

 

[Hotsackage]

Not being able to express myself, and looking like an idiot wen I do, people don't understand lol. Ah well happens, when you the most complex mental health to exist

 

[Arachno]

Fear of the future, inability to function well in this world, scoliosis, lack of skills and stress

 

[sserafim]

A lot of things

 

[sadslime]

Autism. I will never be able to participate in this world, I will never be a person. I don't want to continue living like a useless child unable to leave my house, just rotting day after day.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Autism. I will never be able to participate in this world, I will never be a person. I don't want to continue living like a useless child unable to leave my house, just rotting day after day.

I'm really similar to you. I also have autism and have spent almost my entire life just rotting away indoors every day, not doing anything. I've been alone for most of it and treated poorly simply because I was born to be a bit different from everyone else. It's truly awful and I'm sorry you also have to share the experience.

 

[Fir3CannotSpeak]

Just this overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I'm not worth anything, I won't amount to anything so what's the point if I know that I'm uncapable of maintaining a life? I feel like I'm wasting space, like I don't belong here at all.

 

[thinvy]

I'm mentally ill, I have no sense of identity, I've been through boatloads of traumatic experiences, I'm exhausted, my body hurts, I'm not even slightly healthy, I can't trust people... I can go on and say more

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Everyone hates me. I just want to be away from everyone so I could live in peace, but I can't afford it.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Trauma and its effects thereof