Venting a different perspective

[100memoryleaks]

after getting high i feel like something shifted in me, like I can forget my FP for a while and think about... doing things. like the things that used to bring me excitement before my fp left are starting to seem appealing again. i still feel that painful empty void that my FP left in my life and it stops me from actually acting on my motivation. but it's there. i think about waiting just a bit longer for him to come back only to hit myself with the truth again, that he's not gonna come back and I'm being stupid and delusional. all I'm doing is prolonging my suffering if I stay alive. what if I don't suffer though. what if I try every coping mechanism I can POSSIBLY think of, no matter HOW unhealthy, until I'm out of options or until my FP decides to come back? or what if I somehow close my eyes on all the doubts and just try to find my own way to move to his country? the last thing I need rn is for someone to tell me to move on from him and find someone else. i don't want to, he's perfect. i don't want anyone but him. but I can find stupid ways to remove the pain for now.

 

[Realgar]

Try doing the things that brought you excitement. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

 

[Failedhuman]

no matter HOW unhealthy, until I'm out of options or until my FP decides to come back?

I don't know if that's the best idea
You shouldn't delve into anything that's addicting or what you consider unhealthy. The issue with addictions is that the high you get from them won't last as you keep going. From my understanding what happens is your high becomes the base state that your brain expects to be in, so your real regular state becomes uncomfortable or unbearable depending on what you are taking, and your high becomes a new normal which doesn't feel good anymore but rather feels plain.

I also feel sorry for you that your happiness relies on one person. I get it and I don't know how I'd advise you to make your situation better but I think you know you can't expect someone to do what you want, always be around, or even like you. People are uncontrollable and unpredictable. If your happiness depends on a person, expect it to disappear one day.
Good luck though

 

[100memoryleaks]

I don't know if that's the best idea
You shouldn't delve into anything that's addicting or what you consider unhealthy. The issue with addictions is that the high you get from them won't last as you keep going. From my understanding what happens is your high becomes the base state that your brain expects to be in, so your real regular state becomes uncomfortable or unbearable depending on what you are taking, and your high becomes a new normal which doesn't feel good anymore but rather feels plain.

I also feel sorry for you that your happiness relies on one person. I get it and I don't know how I'd advise you to make your situation better but I think you know you can't expect someone to do what you want, always be around, or even like you. People are uncontrollable and unpredictable. If your happiness depends on a person, expect it to disappear one day.
Good luck though

it's already disappeared, I'm going to ctb eventually, but I also wanna exhaust every option first, that way when I finally decide to ctb I can at least die knowing I tried everything ykwim?

 

[nayomi]

it is ok if you need more time to process it and do not want to move on.
feels like your emotions are very immediate and you have hard time to see more of the future